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I dread telling this parent anything whether it is a fever, a runny nose or behavioral problem. I literally put off telling her because it leads to extremely dramatic texts, phone calls after hours just completely dramatic. She also runs her son to the doctor for a mild cold (but sends numerous texts and calls to assure me that it's fine for him to come back). That doesn't bother me but I've been having issues with hitting. She sent a text if he was being good today and I said yes but we're having troubles with hitting. I winced when I hit send because I knew that it would mean I had to be glued to my phone for the next hour or so explaining that what I'm saying is not the end of the world, it doesn't mean he is a heathen, I have no clue where he got it, explaining every situation in which he hit today and so forth. I finally said it's not a big deal I'm just telling you so you can watch for this behavior at home and if you see it happen you know it's not a one time thing. I just don't want to dread telling a parent about something because they will over react. How can I handle this?
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I personally would avoid telling the mother over text. If she asks how he's doing, I'd just say he's having an issue with hitting and we'll discuss it at pick up tonight. Then you can explain it face to face and not have to worry about being glued to your phone all day. These parents need to understand that we have more to do every day than stay glued to our cell phones to constantly answer their questions about every breath their child is taking. -
Yah I think that's ideal as well but we all know how chaotic pick up times can be so I was actually trying to save my family time because she'll call and text then all night long about it. She texts me every single day to ask how he's doing which is totally fine but if I say he's fine she'll ask more questions. If I don't text back within an hour she'll continue to text until she hears back from me. I went a whole week without texting her back (1. I was working, 2. we had a death in the family and I was trying to help settle, 3. I was trying to wean her off the daily texts to give myself some sanity) and she actually came in and asked if I could see her texts because it is extremely important that I text back immediately. I explained that I understood and I would try but that I have children in my care and texting someone at that time might not be a choice. It's to the point where my phone will go off and and my husband will ask if it's her. It's very overbearing. Let's be honest here too, she sounds like the ideal loving and attentive parent but it's actually quite the opposite, she says these things and acts like she cares but in actuality she goes out every night, on the weekends there are constant babysitters and when he's sick she has family watch him. It's almost like she wants to micromanage everyone to take care of him.Comment
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Just an idea, but could you try telling her that you'll let her know how his day is going, but will not go any further into detail until pick up or if she'd like to know how he's doing at daycare, you'd be willing to set up a conference before or after daycare some day or on a weekend? She seems like the type to micro manage and not accept being ignored via text.
I used to have a parent like that and I just told her that while I appreciated how involved she wanted to be, I would not be able to properly take care of all the children in my care if I sat and texted her every time she texted me. It took a few months but eventually she got the point.
Good luck, it sounds like you've got a long road ahead of you!Comment
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I've told her that if something of concern was to happen during the day I would let her know immediately so there is really no reason to text me and that no news is good news. Usually when she asks how he is i just text back "fine" and that's it. Then if she continues I use other short answers. You'd think she'd get the point by now but nope.Comment
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EEK! I would make a policy about no calls and texts after daycare hours unless they are calling their child out sick. Stick to it.
See if you can send her an email once a week with everything in-depth about his behaviors. I have a Mom who texted multiple times a day, and I would respond as able, but I ended up just telling her "dcb is doing great here. I would love to give you more time to discuss him, but I just don't have it daily. I CAN send you a weekly email on Friday at nap." It has worked out wonderfully. Mom gets to really hear everything, and I am not bombarded.
My dcm isn't intentionally overbearing, she just really needs/wants to hear everything and dcb doesn't talk enough yet. I can't wait until he can speak full sentences!
I just think honesty (as much as possible, you don't have to tell her she is driving you insane) is the best policy.Comment
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I had a parent like that. I finally had to tell her straight out that I was unable to take anymore texts and that I would be unavailable during the day (as I needed to supervise the kids!) and evenings. If she wanted to schedule a time to talk outside of dc hours) we could do so. I send home a daily sheet that tells the parents all we did, anything we are working on, and any minor issues and make it clear to parents that this is what they need to refer to each evening because pick up can be so hectic. But I do think you need to take charge of your business and let her know how you will commicate to her, and what you are willing to accomodate (no texts? texts only certain times? no phone calls during certain hours, etc) I found these types of people don't get hints! :
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you need to quit texting her. I don't do my business via text, I don't have time all day or all night to deal with text messages. If you aren't coming I have a land line with answering machine, otherwise if there is a problem I will discuss it at pick up time.
you need to tell her that you can't watch the children and text with her. So if she wants to know how he is then she can call you. if she calls continuesally send to answering machine. Really, I don't know how some of you deal with texting parents all day, this would drive me nuts.Comment
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she's the only parent I have that even texts during the day. All the other ones only do so when they have a change in schedule or aren't coming. I've printed out a rule reminder sheet to hand out but in order to not make it look like i'm doing it because of someone in particular I held off on handing out but I think I'll do it today. It basically says that texting to check on them is fine but I might not answer and repeated texting is not tolerated as well as before and after hours texts and phone calls. Hopefully this will help.Comment
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You can text "I sure hope he's being good right now, it's hard to say since I am texting you and not able to supervise"
disclaimer-I wouldn't REALLY say this but I would WANT to!Comment
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I worked as a home healthcare attendant for someone JUST like this before I started this business. It was a nightmare and I stayed almost a year. It never got better and actually got worse. No boundaries could be set that she would follow. I was glad to be rid of her. It caused me great anxiety.
I hope you can have a frank discussion with her and set some clear boundaries that you stick to (like a once a week e-mail or a daily report).
((hugs))Comment
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I actually DO have a no text policy. I had given this mom my cell phone number for days we are at the park and next thing I know...I highlighted the contract where it clearly states NO TEXTING and gave it to her, as well as verbally reminding her of the policy. I don't have a smart phone with unlimited texts so I really can't communicate that way.Comment
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What do you guys suggest about the dramatic part? I mean I can't tell her anything without her getting huffy, defensive or taking him to the doctor. I mean I said he's been hitting a lot today but it's not out of meanness only to try to get people to rough house and she just completely freaked out. That's frustrating me more than anything. I don't feel like I can tell her about concerns because she gets bent out of whack.Comment
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