Separated Parents and Paperwork

[clep]

I have a 22 yr old very mature single father in my day home. He came to me a about two weeks ago with an amazing 1 yr old girl that he had just traveled 3000 miles to get, after the mother basically kidnapped her. He received an ex-parte order from the courts to go pick up the child which he did. I have a copy of the order.

They went to court today and have worked out a joint parenting agreement and now mom has access to come and pick up the child, but she cannot remove her from the province again. Dad is very pleased, and mom doesn't seem quite so much. She came for a tour today and I was less than impressed with her. She appears difficult.....the kind of parent looking for something to complain about, but didn't find anything.

Dad is currently the person listed on the paperwork who holds the contract with me and deals with payments. I would like to keep it that way. I have not yet been in this type of situation in my 8 yrs running my day home.

Does anyone know if the mom legally has to be placed on the paperwork?

[DCMom]

I am in that situation right now. Dad has full legal and physical custody of the kids. He signed all paperwork and is responsible for all payments. Mom is not authorized to pick up without written permission from the dad.

She isn't even on the paperwork as 'mother'.

Licensing requires having a copy of the custody agreement and Dad's specific instructions in writing. I have never even met her, though I've had a couple of interesting phone conversations with her.

[Blackcat31]

I use this letter to ALL separated parents who share any amount of parenting duties that involve child care.

Dear Families,

Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.

However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. Some of you are currently in the process of redefining your families, and are struggling with court orders, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party. As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember should you wish to keep you child enrolled at (name of child care facility):

1. My home is a safe haven for them; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.

2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.

3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.

5. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations -- do NOT make me ask for payment for my services or you will find yourself looking for a new child care provider.

6. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex-spouse's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

7. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.

In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.

If you have questions about your specific situation, or really feel there are issues regarding your ex-spouse we need to discuss, please call me at 555-555-5555

[clep]

I have talked to licencing, social services, family law and am currently awaiting a call from a lawyer.

Will see what turns up.

[DCMom]

That is a great letter Blackcat. I have a second family who is divorcing and it looks like I might need something like that...may I borrow and tweak?

[Blackcat31]

That is a great letter Blackcat. I have a second family who is divorcing and it looks like I might need something like that...may I borrow and tweak?

Absolutely! I am pretty sure I borrowed and tweaked it from someone else a long time ago.

[canadiancare]

I have only been in that situation once in my years of caregiving and the mother very quickly pulled her children to put them in a locked group care type facility because she was afraid that the dad was going to show up here and put me in a difficult situation.