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I was wondering if anyone has done a single parent adoption? I recently found out that I cannot have children. I'm not married, but would like to start a family in the next couple of years. I had looked into foster care, but its more difficult to have a daycare and be a foster family. They sometimes grant exceptions for up to 2 children, but I would really like to adopt an infant. It will probably be a year or two before I actually adopt/foster. Can anyone lend any advice? I would like to start this process soon. Thank you.
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Everyday is a new day, with its own challenges, but even the bad days are good.lovethis -
I have no advice for you. Simply lots of prayers & well wishes on your journey. -
I have. it's a long hard road and very expensive. It was the worst experience of my adult life. Parenting is way easier than adopting. I would never do it again.
it's very hard to get picked being single. Most expectant parents considering adoption won't consider single mothers. It took me 7 / 8 years and many failed attempts before I got my son. It also cost me a ton of money. I worked a double shift every weekend for about 9 months AND 24/5 childcare to pay it off.
going thru dhs is worse. very invasive
sorry no good news. if you want it you can do it. My adoption attorney told me that only two percent of single moms were successful adopting newborns privately at the time I adopted ds. 1 in 50 chance in those days in my state. good luckComment
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I have a friend that did it but it wasn't easy at all. Then the child has major, major behavioral issues (she adopted as a toddler I believe). Was very hard, expensive, and I think took a toll on her.
She finally has found someone though to help her raise her son and adores him. My friend is finally getting married at 55 years of age for the first time! She adopted her son I believe when she was around 43/44. I think he is 11 right now.
She did do it I believe while doing childcare and was his foster parent first. I'm going to see her at her in the next week or two. I can ask her and get back to you if you would like. That way I can get some information for you!Each day is a fresh start
Never look back on regrets
Live life to the fullest
We only get one shot at this!!
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I haven't adopted and I'm married so not really the perspective you are looking for. But still I thought I'd share just a little. I've done foster care for several years now along side of childcare. We are licensed to adopt as well as foster, however all of our children so far have returned home to their parents or relatives, so the option to adopt hasn't presented it self for us.
In my state it's very easy to be both a foster parent and a child care provider. You don't get paid to do daycare for that foster child though, if you are their foster parent. Otherwise most of the home studies and back ground checks carry over from one to the other. I personally think that your child care experience would be benificial to your adoption process.
In our state there are no restrictions as to whether you need to be single, married, otherwise... It is however, very difficult to adopt an infant through the foster care system. It takes several months maybe years to go through the whole process of exhausting all possible relative placements and terminating parental rights. By this time, the child is obviously no longer an infant. If you are lucky enough to get the initial placement of the child (when they are removed from their parents) then it's less of an issue because the child has already lived with you from the beginning and you have had that bond, etc.
Adopting through the foster system is less expensive, but can be more headache in some situations with all the weekly/monthly visits with social workers and birth parents/relatives. The child usually has some physical/emotional needs that can be hard for some to handle due to the abuse or neglect that brought them into foster care. Court cases... etc.
I have friends who have adopted through the foster system and through other agencies. Both were right for their situations. There are lots of things to consider for either route, obviously.
If this is something you want to do, it is do able, but not easy - as others have said. But don't let that discourage you from trying.
I wish you the best of luck!Comment
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I did both licensed daycare and was a concurrent foster home from 2006-2011 (meaning I completed both a foster home study as well as an adoptive one and was approved to adopt should the right child ever come along). I moved in 2011, and up here you have to be licensed one or the other an entire year before you can be licensed for both so we are in the process of relicensing for foster care again. I actually think it was quite easy to do both because everyone came to me during the day as opposed to me taking time off of work to have to bring kiddos to all of their appointments. All of my daycare families were incredibly supportive and LOVED that in a way they felt they were helping support a child in crisis too. I can't say how wonderful of an experience it was, everyone was just fantastic. Hard emotionally, but not difficult in a managerial sort of way.
Being a concurrent home meant that while most kids have to have a plan for reunification, if there was a strong possibility that would never happen (proved abuse, abandonment, previous terminations) then I had "first dibs" to adopt a child in my care so to speak. I did like that I had an opportunity to ease into such a commitment. Failed adoptions are the absolute worst case scenario and are far more common the less transition a family has before adoption is finalized.
I'm not sure what you're referring to when you talk about adoption grants. It can differ from state to state but here in MN if you adopt via foster care there is ZERO expense short of the expense you have in getting licensed (really just background checks). You not only receive monthly stipends to cover the child's expenses but if you're doing childcare at the same time it works out to be a pretty generous amount as you don't have that as an expense to pay out to someone else. Many states/counties have clothing allowances once to several times a year that they either give you money to buy the child a wardrobe or reimburse you for any clothing you buy. Infants automatically qualify for WIC which covers the cost of all formula and baby foods. About the only thing I had to purchase for the kiddos in my care out of their stipends were personal care items and toys. Should you foster, parental rights are terminated and you have the option to adopt attorneys will either work pro bono to knock out your paperwork of hold off billing you until you file taxes the following year and receive your adoption tax credit. All children in foster care and adopted through it qualify to receive medical assistance until they turn 21 I believe so you'll have no health insurance expenses for duration of their raising.
I started fostering while I was married but separated and divorced shortly after and carried on as a single mother. I had the opportunity to adopt about half of the kiddos that came into our home and would have if I would have felt more financially stable.
If you are flexible as far as what you are willing to take you could end up with a newborn near immediately. I did trainings on and was open to drug exposed/detoxing newborns and ended up with many of them. After they detoxed most ended up just fine. Several needed early intervention services for mild delays but other than that were overall very healthy. Saying no to adopting them was hard, but was the right thing to do. I was able to transition them to their adoptive homes myself which not only them but me as well. I still have contact with many of the kids I had and it's awesome to see them so happy and growing like weeds.
I am a HUGE advocate of adopting kids out of the foster care system. For now I don't mind being the go between but the goal someday will be to adopt several kiddos. It's something I plan to do especially after my children are grown and gone. If you have any questions on the process please please don't hesitate to ask or drop me a pm. I'd be happy to help you in any way I can!
ETA - a truncated time line
Nov. 2005 - Started foster/adopt licensing process
Apr. 2006 - Officially licensed (takes a LOT less time if you are already licensed to do daycare because most of your background checks and trainings are already done)
(I had several placement offers between April and July but didn't accept them)
June 2006 - Accepted first placements - premie drug exposed twin girls - concurrent placements
Grow babies grow!
Oct. 2006 - Parental rights terminated, adoption was proposed and I took the month to mull it over.
Nov. 2006 - Decided against adopting because I felt my children were two young and these two needed more time than I could fairly provide everyone long term.
Dec. 2006 - DHS dug and dug and finally found a distant relative who had no idea the girls existed and was uber happy to take and adopt them.
Accepted my next placement in Feb of 2007. There was rarely a span of more than a couple of months between placements and most of mine were newborns/infants or toddlers. I only took three older than that, a sibling set of three ages 6, 8, and 10 because they were going to be split up if I didn't.
I didn't feel my life was picked apart or scrutinized much more than it was for daycare licensing. During the foster/adopt homestudy process they do ask you to briefly describe your childhood, your philosophies in regards to child rearing, discipline and that sort of thing but it wasn't bad AT ALL.Comment
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What she was saying is that it is near to impossible to obtain both a foster care license and daycare license in KS. Everyone I've ever spoken to at local and state level say that they never grant exceptions and allow someone to have both licenses.
It would likely have to be your choice as to which you wanted to do: the foster license or daycare license?
I do know another provider in KS who has had her heart broken so many times in her search to adopt as a single parent. The birth mothers have always changed their minds before giving birth.
For the foster care system, I have a former coworker who hopes to adopt the baby she's been fostering for over a year now. She picked up the baby from the hospital and has had her since then. She hopefully will get all parental rights relinquished and be able to adopt the baby. Another couple I know were foster parents and they adopted an infant they had placed with them and could have possibly adopted other ones over the years they did foster care. However, I know that they had their hearts broken at times when the child returned to the parents or relatives. The infant the couple adopted did have some health issues which made him undesirable to others but special to his adoptive parents.
I wish you luck with your choice and your journey to become a parent.Comment
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Well holy buckets! Why would any state have a problem with someone being dually licensed??
One of the main reasons I got so many newborn placements is because the social workers in my county liked that I didn't work outside the home (I was chosen over other homes for out of county placements at times as well for that reason). That consistency is so sooo important for some kids and thankfully it's valued in my state. Heck, for some of the more medically fragile babies it was almost essential. I'm not sure I could have found someone else to do daycare for most of my kiddos based on some of the issues they had.
I think I'd have to move if that's how they thought
, it's just plain common sense! Just means more consistency, more experience and more regulation of the home the child is in....how could that ever been seen as a bad thing?!
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In Washington State you can't do both. My licensor said that it's not impossible, but that it's unlikely to be approved. I think it's a dumb rule. I think that it would benefit the kids to have a parent home with them.Well holy buckets! Why would any state have a problem with someone being dually licensed??
One of the main reasons I got so many newborn placements is because the social workers in my county liked that I didn't work outside the home (I was chosen over other homes for out of county placements at times as well for that reason). That consistency is so sooo important for some kids and thankfully it's valued in my state. Heck, for some of the more medically fragile babies it was almost essential. I'm not sure I could have found someone else to do daycare for most of my kiddos based on some of the issues they had.
I think I'd have to move if that's how they thought, it's just plain common sense! Just means more consistency, more experience and more regulation of the home the child is in....how could that ever been seen as a bad thing?!
I am single and will be starting the adoption process soon. My plan is to adopt from the foster care system. It will be straight adoption, so the kids won't live with me until they get closer to rights being terminated. Here you can get a waiver to take in foster kids if it's temporary. So when I get matched I can get the waiver until the adoption is final.Comment
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Also if you adopt from the foster care system, it can be hard to adopt a baby. Babies usually end up being adopted by their foster families. Private adoption is a better option for adopting a baby, but it's very expensive. I am planning on a toddler aged child. I would love to adopt a baby though.
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Just out of curiosity have either of you considered using a donor sperm and your own egg and then either carry the baby on your own or use a surrogate if you are not able to carry?
Just thinking that it might be an easier process.
I actually have NO clue but do know several single women who have gone that route after lots of heartbreak after failed or cancelled adoptions and after spending a ton of money.Comment
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I have considered the surrogate route. I had considered asking one of my sisters to be a surrogate for me, but the way I see it its basically adoption. With an actual adoption, I'd be helping a mother and child opposed to bringing another into the world when there are already many, many that can use my love.
Everyday is a new day, with its own challenges, but even the bad days are good.lovethisComment
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I haven't tried Metformin. I am trying to be as natural as possible. I have tried progesterone in the past and it has worked. But I have corn allergy and I had a bad reaction last time I tried it, so there is something corn based in the cream. I need to research and see if I can find a cream that works. I have been using Vitex which seems to be working as well.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
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