OT - Sick of Feeling so SICK

[bunnyslippers]

So as many of you know, I have been battling a chronic illness that involves chemo once a week in pill form, and by infusion once every 6 weeks. I have been doing this regiment for 10 months. At the beginning, the pills really didn't bother me, but the past few weeks, it is taking me 2 days to feel normal again. The doctors say I will have to continue this at least for another year, and I just don't think I have it in me.

To top it all of, I was on steroids for 8 months (80 mg a day and have been off for 6 weeks. As a result of the steroids, I have developed a very sore/achy/weak hip and knee. I just spoke with my doctor, and the words "hip replacement" were used. I feel like I am 87 years old, and I am only 37! None of my dcfs know how sick I have been feeling. It is close to pick-up, and I am in no mood for the mindless chit chat and just want everyone to get out of here!

I have two of my own little munchkins, and I feel like a horrible mother lately, b/c I have no energy and keep puking. What am I teaching them? They need to learn to be positive, strong and optimistic. I am NOT providing that example for them lately.

Sorry to rant. Just really feeling like I am at a breaking point. This is really not like me - I never give up and rarely admit weakness when it comes to my health. Just typing this and actually admitting it is making me cry. I never ask for help, and hate to get weepy. I am just cracking a little today.

[butterfly]

Praying for you, sweetie!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I am praying for you.

Is there any way you can take off some days just to be?

[Blackcat31]

(((((hugs)))))) I am sorry you are having to go through all that.

Praying you feel better soon!

[country345]

I'm so sorry to hear all you are going through. May god give you comfort, strength, and peace. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Hugs.

[momofsix]

Oh, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
I'm glad you feel comfortable enough on here to be honest with your feelings and to rant and say whatever you need to say . We're here to "listen" and support.
You can't be the strong one all of the time-you need to be able to tell people how you're truly feeling, you need to be able to whine and complain, get angry and cry. You need to be able to admit weakness and ask for help when you need it. It's ok, we were made to need each other and help each other.
Praying for you-for strength, patience, peace and healing. (((hugs)))

[LK5kids]

Hoping things improve quickly for you. Sending prayers too.
Can you find some small, simple pleasures to cheer you up? Ways you relax or have fun?

A fun or funny movie rental, a massage, listen to some favorite music, curl up with a good book or magazine....happyface

[e.j.]

I have two of my own little munchkins, and I feel like a horrible mother lately, b/c I have no energy and keep puking. What am I teaching them? They need to learn to be positive, strong and optimistic. I am NOT providing that example for them lately.

It sounds as though they see their mom being positive, strong and optimistic most of the time. They'll learn that even the strongest of people have their limitations. They will learn compassion, patience, resilience, forgiveness, love and caring for family members when they're not feeling their best.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. As sick as the chemo is making you feel now, I hope it does its job and makes you better. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[williams2008]

Praying for you!!! (HUGS)

[hope]

Praying for you. Illness is so rough on a family. My husband has been battling cancer for two years now. One thing i have learned through this is although our children may see us cry a little more, they are also held a little more closer. We have such a strong bond with our little ones becase we don't take a minute for granted.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You and your family will be in our prayers.

[bunnyslippers]

Thank you ladies. I have been pretty weepy the past few days, and all of your positive support. I will find strength. Sometimes it just feels like I am sinking ~ your kind words help!

[Meeko]

I hope you feel stronger both physically and emotionally very soon. God bless.

{{Hugs}}

[jenn]

You will be in my prayers.

Do you have anyone that can help you during daycare hours? Not a sub that you have to pay, but maybe a friend or family member that could volunteer for a few hours a day? A high school student that could help after school (sometimes they need community service hours and don't even need paid)?
*Make sure you following your licensing laws, here they have to have a KBI check to volunteer. I hate asking for help too, but sometimes even an hour break or an extra pair of hands to help with lifting kiddos, or even someone coming in after hours to help with cleaning, general pick up,... can restore your strength and spirits.

If I lived closer, I'd come help! Kansas is a bit far!