Need Advise With Clingy Boy

[tenderhearts]

I have a 3 yr old dcb who has been with me a little over a year. He acts much older than 3, he acts much older than his age. He has always been a very insecure boy. It's like he lacks attention but I don't get that feeling at all from his parents. He is an only child but to me it seems they spoil him more than anything else. He has increasingly has gotten more and more clingy to me. Literally I'm tripping over him because he follows me around. If I tickle someone he's right there wanting it done to him. If I praise someone for being good he has to be sure hes being good, and I praise him all the time. He also doesn't really "play" he more less walks around, lays and plays on the couch, follows me around every where, I've tried having him help me with things giving him stuff to do, I ask him to go find something to play with, I'll have him read books something but NOTHING seems to interest him, he's not really into activities much. I know he watches tv ALOT at home, I'm pretty sure thats about all he does, I think he holds a toy while watching tv. He knows here we don't watch tv very much at all.
I just don't know what to do with him. He will sit and play with a group once in awhile but not for long. He's very sensitive too, like if he accidentally knocks someone down he runs to the couch and starts crying, I always reassure him it was an accident and have the child tell him it's ok ect, he's always been like this since he's been coming. I know he's very caring, if someone does get hurt and they are crying (when it's not him that hurt them), he is always telling them it's ok, and asks if they are alright.
The clingyness is what's really getting to me, I have literally tripped over him because he's grabbing my legs or following me so close I turn around and I bump into him. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to help ease his insecurities, or what activities I can have him do?
I know putting him into a center would NOT be a good thing for him.
I don't know if he's just so spoiled he feels I should be the same, he enjoys everyone here so I know it's not that.

[cheerfuldom]

It doesnt sound like he is spoiled. it sounds like he is actually the opposite....not engaged at home, not given quality attention (especially if he is watching a lot of tv). the fact that he is trying to connect with you but not in a disruptive way (like tantrums and other negative seeking behaviors) sort of makes me sense that while the parents may be very nice and loving people, they do not spend time with him getting him active and stimulating his mind, you know? There is only so much we providers can do to fill in the gaps left by parents. I feel bad for him but you cant allow him to take more than his share of your attention. you cant "make" a kid play but you can make them give you space so you arent tripping over them all the time. he should be playing with the other kids and getting attention from them. keep directing him back to the toys and to the kids. if he is smothering you to get praise and hugs when it is someone elses turn, just politely ignore that and direct him to go play. yes spend time with him and give him a nurturing environment but do not allow his neediness to **** all the resources from the caregivers, leaving none for the other kids.

[tenderhearts]

Thank you, that is a good point that maybe it's the opposite and I've thought about that but maybe they don't give him direct attention and use tv for that. That very well could be and actually probablly is the case. The things I notice with his behaviour with mom is, as soon as she gets here he starts screaming and getting VERY loud, he will run crazy outside while she's trying to stop him, he doesn't listen to her very well. She shuts him up by "giving" him something he likes. So basically when he's having a tantrum in the morning (before they get here), she will tell him they'll stop and get a goodie if he stops well he ends up getting what he wants even if he doesn't stop.
Thats exactly what I do is redirect him if it's someone elses turn for my attention, or I ignore it but usually it gets where I have to say something because he'll start hanging on me, I always tell him, *** you had your turn now it's ***x 's turn. I don't force him to play but I also try to get him engaged in something, which usually lasts a few min.
He's such a sweet boy too and I feel bad for him. He is one of the best kids Ive ever had but he does act totally different for me than mom, but I think it's because he KNOWS what he can't get away with with me and what he CAN with mom.
Thanks.

[cheerfuldom]

Thank you, that is a good point that maybe it's the opposite and I've thought about that but maybe they don't give him direct attention and use tv for that. That very well could be and actually probablly is the case. The things I notice with his behaviour with mom is, as soon as she gets here he starts screaming and getting VERY loud, he will run crazy outside while she's trying to stop him, he doesn't listen to her very well. She shuts him up by "giving" him something he likes. So basically when he's having a tantrum in the morning (before they get here), she will tell him they'll stop and get a goodie if he stops well he ends up getting what he wants even if he doesn't stop.
Thats exactly what I do is redirect him if it's someone elses turn for my attention, or I ignore it but usually it gets where I have to say something because he'll start hanging on me, I always tell him, *** you had your turn now it's ***x 's turn. I don't force him to play but I also try to get him engaged in something, which usually lasts a few min.
He's such a sweet boy too and I feel bad for him. He is one of the best kids Ive ever had but he does act totally different for me than mom, but I think it's because he KNOWS what he can't get away with with me and what he CAN with mom.
Thanks.

i know this type of situation is awful to watch. mom sees his behavior as bad and is just trying to get him to stop for the moment (giving a goodie and unitentionally reinforcing bad behavior). she isnt taking the time to get to the root of the issue....this is attention seeking behavior. of course he is going to do this when it is the only way she will stop and pay attention to him. thats what kids do. they want positive attention but will settle for negative because that is better than nothing.

just because a person is a good person, friendly, hardworking, sucessful, etc. etc does not mean those traits translate towards a good parent. he needs more QUALITY time. you are seeing the after affects of poor parenting and there is nothing you can do about it but try to work around it. sorry OP. its very typical of modern kids. parents are super busy and try to occupy kids with tv and sweets instead of spending time with them, teaching them and loving them.

[tenderhearts]

You're right, it is so sad. Now after reading your post and thinking about it, his grandpa does the EXACT same thing. Just awful and poor little guy is suffering. I guess I haven't really experienced the "todays modern child" yet. I had one a few years ago but it wasn't even near this bad. thanks