Parent Issue With Timeout

[Heidi]

When my friend's son and my son where about 2 1/2, we visited her from out of state. She put her son in timeout.

About 15 minutes later, I said..."ah Cindy, you know he's still in the corner, right?"

"yep, that's how I know he's not getting into trouble. Last time, he fell asleep there"



I agree with the others. There is nothing wrong with using time-outs with a child that age. You can try to make it less adversarial, like not making him face the wall (would not be allowed here, either), and using language like "take a break" instead of "TIME OUT!"

Maybe you could talk to dad, and say "I thought about what you said, and did some research, and this is how I will be handling time out from now on...."

Make it clear: It is non-negotiable that you use what discipline methods (within the regs, of course) work for you. If he doesn't like it, perhaps they need to find other care.

Boy...that kiddo will be spending a lot of time in the priniple's office! Of course, in school, it's not considered "time out", and they can have them sit on that bench cooling their heals as long as they want.

[Country Kids]

When my friend's son and my son where about 2 1/2, we visited her from out of state. She put her son in timeout.

About 15 minutes later, I said..."ah Cindy, you know he's still in the corner, right?"

"yep, that's how I know he's not getting into trouble. Last time, he fell asleep there"



I agree with the others. There is nothing wrong with using time-outs with a child that age. You can try to make it less adversarial, like not making him face the wall (would not be allowed here, either), and using language like "take a break" instead of "TIME OUT!"

Maybe you could talk to dad, and say "I thought about what you said, and did some research, and this is how I will be handling time out from now on...."

Make it clear: It is non-negotiable that you use what discipline methods (within the regs, of course) work for you. If he doesn't like it, perhaps they need to find other care.

Boy...that kiddo will be spending a lot of time in the priniple's office! Of course, in school, it's not considered "time out", and they can have them sit on that bench cooling their heals as long as they want.

You bring up an excellent point! Why can the schools use time outs and things like that (for as long as they think needed) and we can't? Teachers can even use timeouts, so why is it a big deal if we do and how we do it?

One of our teachers sit the child outside the classroom and its not in a hallway it is outside under a breeze way.

[youretooloud]

I don't use time out. At least not as a regular thing.

But, when I do, they sit in the hallway for a few minutes. But, I have done that possibly 4 times in the last two years. We just don't ever do it.

Instead, they lose a privilege. They can't play with blocks, or markers if they are misusing those items. I don't say "You hit Johnny, so now you can't play blocks today" because the punishment wouldn't teach anything. It has nothing to do with the crime.

However, it's easy for me to say "I don't use punishment" because none of my kids are mean to each other. They don't hit for no reason (they bicker, it occasionally dissolves into hitting) We deal with the incident as it comes up. But, I don't have kids that just hit for the sake of hitting. I actually never have had a child like that.

Not listening is not a big issue either. They just lose that particular privilege at that moment. I do the swift and immediate consequence.

I'll admit that I would not ever be O.K with someone making my child face a wall. Humiliation is never acceptable for anyone. Imagine, you get pulled over for speeding. Would you feel O.K with the officer making you stand for one minute of every year of your life facing a wall while others looked on? Would you Be O.K if your 13 year old was made to stand for 13 minutes facing a wall in front of the class? If not, don't do it to a child. Choose a consequence that is more fitting for each offense. Not one sweeping punishment for all offenses.

If their child is difficult, and they readily admit he's difficult, maybe it's time for them to explore new discipline methods. I still don't believe in punishments, but there are really awesome, positive discipline tools out there, and it might be time for them to learn some, and start trying to help this kid.

Parents who use the "well, he's acting like a normal 3 yr old" are surely going to be in for a long hard parenting experience. It's a lonely life when you raise a bratty kid, because nobody else wants to be around you.

[Heidi]

You bring up an excellent point! Why can the schools use time outs and things like that (for as long as they think needed) and we can't? Teachers can even use timeouts, so why is it a big deal if we do and how we do it?

One of our teachers sit the child outside the classroom and its not in a hallway it is outside under a breeze way.

I don't even know if they have regs, other than in most states, corporal punishment is not allowed.

We've all seen children humilated by teachers.

I witnessed a (now retired) teacher take recess away from a class of 4 year olds because "all of you have been terrible all morning". That doesn't even make sense; if they were so squirelly all morning, why would you take recess away? I would keep them outside longer to burn off the energy!

It always amazes me that taking away recess is the go-to discipline. Kids with ADHD who are acting up in class? Take away their recess. Seriously, does that even make sense? I'd have them running to the principle's office 4x a morning with "messages" for the office. Things like "HI...Mr. Principle, hope your day is going well" and "Hi, Mrs. Secretary, Joey is feeling squirelly, so here's a message. Just smile, nod, and say thankyou".

[Blackcat31]

You bring up an excellent point! Why can the schools use time outs and things like that (for as long as they think needed) and we can't? Teachers can even use timeouts, so why is it a big deal if we do and how we do it?

One of our teachers sit the child outside the classroom and its not in a hallway it is outside under a breeze way.

My personal thoughts about why schools can use time outs:

Unlike the way it is used for older kids, time out for toddlers is more so that you can give the child time to regroup and calm down since they lack the self-control or ability to manage their frustrations/emotions.

For older children, time outs are used as a diciplinary action. The point is to remove the child from an activity or situation in which they are not behaving in a way you expect them to behave or according to social norms.

Time out is a consequence and/or a punishment for older children where as for younger children it is suppose to be more of a method of "redirection" without the negative connotations attached.

Personally, I do not think time-outs are appropriate for kids under school age. I feel that the during those years, the need for secure attachment FAR outweighs the need to use time out. I think time outs don't work because they deprive the child of the comfort and security of having their caregiver/parent present.

[MarinaVanessa]

My answer would depend on what state you're in. Kimberli was cited for violating a child's rights by putting them in time out.

I'm not entirely sure if the time-out was the only thing she was cited for. JJ read a part of the citation on the show but did not read the part about the time-out. I know it was a part of it but not all.

And in Kimberli's case the child was 18 months old, not 3 1/2. Technically it is not recommended for children under the age of 2 to be put in time out ... I think that's why Kimberli got in trouble for it, had the DCB been 2 or older she would not have gotten in trouble for it. If you want to go even further than that in the professional child development world time-outs are frowned upon and thought to be harmful and counter productive, much like spanking.

Even then however (I like Kimberli am also in CA) there is nothing in the regulations about using time out in FCC or not so I do not agree that she get a citation for it. It is a recommendation, not a law ... much like continuing to have a child rear-facing in a carseat between the age of 1 until they are 2... it's a recommendation but not a law.

Back to OP:
As for this case, well I don't see anything wrong with what you were doing. You gave the recommended amount of time for the age of the child and no more and it doesn't seem like you've been excessive about it. Like many others have already said, if the parents don't like your method of discipline they can simply choose another DC that doesn't use time-outs.

I do however want to touch on the idea that many parents are starting to no longer use time-outs as discipline so you may see this issue come up again. I think that adding a discipline policy to your contract (or handbook if you have one) is probably a good idea so that the parents can see up front how discipline is handled. That way they already know before signing up and they are signing the contract saying that they agree with it or they can move on the next interview.

I personally don't use time-outs anymore in the sense that it's a punishment, for me in more severe situations the kids are redirected to sit quietly in our book nook (quiet area) and read books or play/"talk" to the stuffed animals (we have a "tattling turtle" that likes to listen to your worries and never tells anyone your secrets) in the space until they have calmed down and decompressed. Then they may join the group in play or do another activity. They aren't simply sent there, they are offered the opportunity to go there and have some "me time". In less severe situations they are simply redirected to other activities.

But there is always more than one way to skin a cat and you should always do what is best and most comfortable for you. It's your business and you should always follow what is best for you.

[Mom&Provider]

I have a time out chair too and children over 2 use it when and if needed. the chair is off to the side of the main play room, but does not face the wall, they can still see everything that is happening. Once the time out is completed (1 min. per age like you do), I go over what happened, ask them directly what they did wrong etc and if they need to apologize to anyone, we deal with that too.

I've never had an issue from parents about it and it's in my contract. I do also use redirection for kids under the age of 2 (or those that are 2, but don't verbalize much or aren't as far along), but IMO between the ages of 2 and 3 they really do understand much more and I have found time outs to be useful/helpful.

This boy is 3 1/2 that you are dealing with and he gets it! He's throwing a fit since his Mom and Dad obviously don't do what you are doing and I'd guess he gets away with more at home! I don't really feel this is at all your fault, at least not where the parents are concerned - I dont know anything about your regs. But since it's been discussed with DCM in advance and there wasnt any issue with it, that's it. I'd bring it up to both parents again AND remind them that this has already been gone over when they enrolled.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Redirect, redirect redirect. Standing a child in a corner is humiliating, in my opinion and in my states opinion also. Time out is fine, but should be a cushion or chair off to the side, and only used when a a child is physically or emotionally out of control. What troubles me is the OP saying she uses this corner treatment for "breaking basic rules". Redirect, redirect., I don't call it time out. I call it "go sit down". After they regain their composure, we.talk about what happened and why we don't do that and what we can do differently next time. No verbal skills? No time out, redirect.