Parent Issue With Timeout

[Unregistered]

I have a fairly new 3 1/2 year old who started 3 weeks ago. When enrolling dcm tild me he was a difficult child but I believe that every child should be giving a chance. I explained to mom how we do time out which is one warning with repeat behavior leading to time out which consists of standing with your face to the wall for 1 min per age. The boy was brought in today by dad kicking and screaming. The dad was furious with me for ever putting his perfect child in time out and asked how I did it. So I explained to him that violent behavior leads to time out along with not following simple rules. And then told him how time out works. He got even more mad saying that his boy is to young to be In time out and they don't do anything like that at home. I would Luke your opinion on how you do time out and what would you tell the parents in this case.


Ps. The boy is jot in time out all the time maybe once or twice a week.

Thanks.

[butterfly]

Time outs are rare here. I do LOTS of redirection. My absolute no-no's are physical agression and then the aggresser is removed from the situation. They typically have to sit in the other room on the floor. In my sight, but away from the fun/toys.

If that's how you do things. Be honest with the parents and tell them. If they don't agree, they are welcome to find care elsewhere.

I don't see anything wrong with how you handle time outs. I think it's pretty standard.

[CedarCreek]

Mom agreed to your disciplinary actions when she signed dcd up. Its not your fault she didn't go over things with Dad. I would re explain to him how you do things and then say that you understand if they would like to look for alternate care. Trust me, this will bring nothing but problems! Next he will have a problem with how you redirect or want to come and observe you.

[nanglgrl]

My answer would depend on what state you're in. Kimberli was cited for violating a child's rights by putting them in time out.

[Willow]

I have a fairly new 3 1/2 year old who started 3 weeks ago. When enrolling dcm tild me he was a difficult child but I believe that every child should be giving a chance. I explained to mom how we do time out which is one warning with repeat behavior leading to time out which consists of standing with your face to the wall for 1 min per age. The boy was brought in today by dad kicking and screaming. The dad was furious with me for ever putting his perfect child in time out and asked how I did it. So I explained to him that violent behavior leads to time out along with not following simple rules. And then told him how time out works. He got even more mad saying that his boy is to young to be In time out and they don't do anything like that at home. I would Luke your opinion on how you do time out and what would you tell the parents in this case.


Ps. The boy is jot in time out all the time maybe once or twice a week.

Thanks.

I would be careful about the standing facing the wall bit. That could be seen as a form of "shaming" and it wouldn't be allowed where I'm at per licensing regs.

What I do is a time out of sorts but I don't call it that. Child sits down and "takes a break" with a glitter jar. I shake the jar and when all the glitter settles back to the bottom they can rejoin the group. The jar is distracting and kids settle down pretty much immediately watching it. The parents like the concept too, it comes across as less harsh than your traditional time out and is very effective.

You have to decide what you feel comfortable doing though. As long as you're following licensing rules and regs in the end it's your business and your rules. If parents don't like it you can choose to work with them to find a solution everyone is comfortable with or go your separate ways.

[Play Care]

The only thing I don't think would fly here is the facing the wall part. But for aggressive behavior? Yeah that's an immediate TO here - rare but it happens. We go over the house rules daily, so no one (especially at 3 1/2 yo) can say they didn't know. Hitting, pushing, kicking, knocking a child over, etc are all immediate TO's here.
I LOVE the glitter jar idea, but know your child. I have one now that might use it as a rocket from the "cool down" spot

[LoraJenkins]

I have a Time-Out chair. I use it for repeat rule breaking, being physical with another child, back-talking, over aggressiveness, etc. The child is given 2 warnings (unless it is harming another child...then it is automatic) and if the behavior is repeated a third time...they go sit in the chair. I ALWAYS explain to them why beforehand. They sit there for 3-5 minutes then I call them to me and explain again why the behavior isn't allowed. I have used this same method with over 30 children tor the past 20 years and never had a parent complain. Actually one DCM put her daughter in my chair today at pick-up herself because she was doing something her Mother told her not to do....while looking at her!

[laundrymom]

Do you find they are ..... Misbehaving, to get the jar ever?

I would be careful about the standing facing the wall bit. That could be seen as a form of "shaming" and it wouldn't be allowed where I'm at per licensing regs.

What I do is a time out of sorts but I don't call it that. Child sits down and "takes a break" with a glitter jar. I shake the jar and when all the glitter settles back to the bottom they can rejoin the group. The jar is distracting and kids settle down pretty much immediately watching it. The parents like the concept too, it comes across as less harsh than your traditional time out and is very effective.

You have to decide what you feel comfortable doing though. As long as you're following licensing rules and regs in the end it's your business and your rules. If parents don't like it you can choose to work with them to find a solution everyone is comfortable with or go your separate ways.

[Willow]

Do you find they are ..... Misbehaving, to get the jar ever?

LOL!

The novelty is gone as we've made plastic ones together as a group the kids can shake themselves and watch (vitamin water bottles with superglued on caps). The take a break jar however is a glass mason jar and I'm the only one that's allowed to shake it. The kids definitely see it as a timer as opposed to a toy.

[cheerfuldom]

LOL!

The novelty is gone as we've made plastic ones together as a group the kids can shake themselves and watch (vitamin water bottles with superglued on caps). The take a break jar however is a glass mason jar and I'm the only one that's allowed to shake it. The kids definitely see it as a timer as opposed to a toy.

so i am guessing that you dont let them hold the jar, right? is it in view so they can see when the glitter settles? or do you watch it?

i actually really like this idea as a possibility for my 3 year old. we do "the cry corner/chill out spot" and this has worked well for everyone but one child. i really think that a visual of time passing would be helpful for her. how long does your glitter take to settle?

[Willow]

so i am guessing that you dont let them hold the jar, right? is it in view so they can see when the glitter settles? or do you watch it?

i actually really like this idea as a possibility for my 3 year old. we do "the cry corner/chill out spot" and this has worked well for everyone but one child. i really think that a visual of time passing would be helpful for her. how long does your glitter take to settle?

No one touches the jar. My "take a break" chair is in my entry way and the jar sits on the bench next to it and is eye level. Kiddo goes to sit, I shake the jar and set it down, kiddo sits and watches glitter settle and comes to me when it's done so we can talk about what happened. Takes 2-3 minutes but you can shorten or lengthen that depending on what kind of glitter you use. In one of the plastic play bottles I have I used like the big heavy cheap school glitter, that takes less than a minute to all drop. In the actual jar I used some of that but mixed in a giant dash of some super fine stuff that more floats than anything. If the kids were to touch it it would stir the fine stuff up again and they'd end up sitting there forever. Nice hands off motivation

[Starburst]

Sometimes you have to make it sound like it's not a time out; even though it basically is. Try saying something like " I think DCK needs some time to calm down, sit right here and try to relax. I'll check on you in 3 minutes"- Sometimes it's just about the approach. Because some kids will get more aggressive (are act up more) if they think (or in know) that they are in trouble or being punished. "Taking a break" (or "calm time") is a lot less anger provoking than "your in time out".

But, I think that the dad did over react a bit based on the fact that the child was being violent. Usually time-out is used as a last resort nowadays and usually for more serious behaviors such as this.

[LK5kids]

I would be careful about the standing facing the wall bit. That could be seen as a form of "shaming" and it wouldn't be allowed where I'm at per licensing regs.

What I do is a time out of sorts but I don't call it that. Child sits down and "takes a break" with a glitter jar. I shake the jar and when all the glitter settles back to the bottom they can rejoin the group. The jar is distracting and kids settle down pretty much immediately watching it. The parents like the concept too, it comes across as less harsh than your traditional time out and is very effective.

You have to decide what you feel comfortable doing though. As long as you're following licensing rules and regs in the end it's your business and your rules. If parents don't like it you can choose to work with them to find a solution everyone is comfortable with or go your separate ways.

I feel facing the wall is not the best also. IMHO time out should be a time to calm down and re-group, not a punishment.

It is good it's just a few times per week, as TO can be soooo over done. It does sound like there are parenting issues if he is this out of control for dad. And no, three is not too young! Did you inform dad it's only 3 minutes?
Good luck with this little guy. Hope things improve!

I love the glitter bottle idea.

[NeedaVaca]

Did you ask how they discipline at home?

[itlw8]

sorry that would not be approved by Missouri licensing. Standing with face to the wall is shaming the wall and clearly meant as punishment.

no teaching there is it punishing.

i ask the child to move to another area... WHEN you can calm down THEN you may come back and play with the others.

It is ok to get angry but you may not hit. TELL your friend you are still using that toy.

I ALSO watch close and let them know I saw the good behavior.