Oh for heavens sake - someone help me!

[Momofmany]

OK so a little background on child: HIGHLY spoiled to the point child dictates what is for dinner - makes demands to parents and receives! Child has been with me for almost 4 years and KNOWS the rules and for the most part always followed them and does NOT make demands of me since she knows better .I have had major issues in the nutrition category with this child..but that is a whole other issue. Child plays well usually only issues with trying to dominate others once in a while. However EVERY time a new kid starts I begin to have issues. It is usually short lived, maybe 2 weeks at the most.

Last summer I got a new client - child is younger than this child and all of a sudden this child started whining every day at curriculum saying she could not do things..things that she has been doing for 3 yrs. Finally got over that hump!
Another client began the first week of January...now this child refuses to play. Comes in and stands there ALL DAY!!!! She was blocking access to toys and I have had to ask her to move as if another child attempts to come near her...she gets nasty. So now for the past month..she comes in (grumpy face and all) and stands in the middle of the play room ALL day! I have tried to coax her, the other kids have tried to play by handing her toys or talking to her, I have tried the stern voice etc etc. Nothing has worked. She told her mother "no one will play with me" I explained the other kids have tried and she gives them a dirty look and turns her head. She actually pushed one child away. Then her mother said she was told by child "I want them to ASK me to play with them". Now mind you the kids do sometimes ask to "join" in when others are already playing, however they do not bow down and beg others to play with them. They just come in..and play!
I have an amazing group of kids right now (parents need some help LOL but the kids are great!) they all get along great even with the age differences.

I am at my whits end of seeing this child stand here every day. I am breaking it down to stubborn spoiled behavior...but I need to see if there is a way to get her to stop...and if anyone else has EVER seen such a thing

Like I said always issues with new kids...however NEVER this long and she has never resorted to not playing at all before.

Any insight would be amazing

[laundrymom]

You are unintentionally giving the barking dog ( dcg) a cookie ( special attention to get her to behave) if she's getting a 'cookie' for 'barking' ---- why shouldn't she bark?

I'd let her come in, if she plays- fine.
If she stands in the center of the room expecting attention ( even negative attention is attention)

I would lead her to a chair and tell her

You can get up when you're ready to play. Then IGNORE her.

[Heidi]

You are unintentionally giving the barking dog ( dcg) a cookie ( special attention to get her to behave) if she's getting a 'cookie' for 'barking' ---- why shouldn't she bark?

I'd let her come in, if she plays- fine.
If she stands in the center of the room expecting attention ( even negative attention is attention)

I would lead her to a chair and tell her

You can get up when you're ready to play. Then IGNORE her.

But, don't forget to give her some extra hugs now and then, when it's not reinforcing the behavior, like when you're tucking her in for nap or when she leaves for the day. Do not, however, praise her for doing what she is supposed to. For instance, don't say "hey, I like that you decided to play with your friends". You need to give it no attention what she chooses, negative or positive.

[Momofmany]

Laundry Mom
For the most part after 2 weeks of it..I did start ignoring her :/ (not the road I wanted...but the road I had to take!) Other than telling her to go to the bathroom, feeding and cleaning...she gets no attention. I.., like you thought the same exact thing. Even the kids pay no mind to her now...it is driving me crazy. I feel bad "ignoring" as who wants to be ignored but she has left me NO choice.
The other kids know the schedule and I even stopped telling her to sit down for curriculum..I do not tell the others kids to do it..they just do it because they know when it is time so why should I give her the attention by telling her to do something I do not tell the others. So all last week she was not even part of curriculum. I do tell her to sit to eat but that is all.

[Momofmany]

Heidi
I am a high praise kind of person, but I would not praise her when and if she chooses to finally play. She has ignored all 5 kids for a month - NO interaction with them other than dirty looks or a push away. I would be relieved and tell her mother instantly when and if she finally gives in..but I would pay NO mind to it as far as she would be concerned.
She speaks to me when needed - but no one else any more.

[Heidi]

Heidi
I am a high praise kind of person, but I would not praise her when and if she chooses to finally play. She has ignored all 5 kids for a month - NO interaction with them other than dirty looks or a push away. I would be relieved and tell her mother instantly when and if she finally gives in..but I would pay NO mind to it as far as she would be concerned.
She speaks to me when needed - but no one else any more.

I feel kind of bad for her now! I mean, imagine how lonely she must be.

Not blaming you, but I assumed that after a few days of that, she's relent.

So, if that didn't work, and you truly ignored her, how about taking the opposite approach? You've got to get creative here. ASK her in the sweetest way possible if she'd like to...***.

I know it's hard not to be stubborn about this-I would be, too, and I'm not particularly stubborn. But, you're modeling stubborn then, when the goal is to model kind and caring.

Another idea- could you get a little one-on-one at the beginning of nap to really talk with her? Tell her you've noticed that she's not really happy lately. How can you help? Help her through the process of a reasonable compromise. SHe's 4, right? She won't come up with a solution on her own, but you can walk her through it.

[Momofmany]

Heidi

I tried the coaxing and talking I refuse to give her one on one for this behavior as she will continue just to get that! She did that with the other newbie. I had to give him more assistance during curriculum with unfamiliar activities...that is when all of a sudden she forgot how to glue and cut ?!?! LOL

At the beginning of this one - of course she got alot of attention because all of a sudden she was not playing so myself, her mother and father would try by talking all sweet and excited about things to her - then she started being nasty to the other kids. After two weeks of trying - I gave up because it was making things worse. I have tried everything from being super sweet - to using a stern voice telling her that not playing makes it an amazingly long day and she is hurting the other kid's feelings by being mean to them.

Last week was the end of Nursery Rhyme week - (her FAVORITE) and she still did not play!! The kid will not even play with toys on her own!! Which if she did - I would be fine with that at least LOL It has been a MONTH - told her mother if she is this stubborn now..I feel sorry for teen years OMG!