Difficult Child

[jokalima]

I have a very difficult child ( not mine ) And I've seen this child hit mom at pickup times, I really hate seeing that and how parents don't say anything at all to their kids. Anyways, today was one of those days when the child got out of control, is like nothing works and putting in time/out is a workout because the child will keep getting up and doing things to bother me, yes I said it, bother me and then she laughs when I am trying to redirect her. Today she pointed her finger at me and tried to hit me , she tried to hit me before during the day while i was redirecting her from a bad behavior. This is 1st time this happens and it got me like full and I did not loose my cool because I had a visitor but I was about to open my big mouse and start talking LOUDLY Anyways... If she tries to do this again even when she does not hit me, would it be enough reason for a suspension? I just can't deal with kids that do this. This is a almost 5 year old I am talking about, how would you go about this?

[countrymom]

omg yes, tell the parents if this behavior continues then she will be termed. Nothing makes me more angry than kids who hit their parents and their parents laugh it off, so then the child thinks it ok to hit other adults.

[Country Kids]

I have one like this. Will hit any adult that crosses them, screams at the top of their lungs forever, insist that you are hurting them, climbs things, and knows exactly what they are doing. This happens about once a week at least. I video taped one time so parents could see and they were so mad at the child.

Parents are very strict, follows through with all punishments, will punish in front of me and make child apologize, and very willing to work with me.

I have stayed very, very consistent with the child and the parents also, and all let the child know no matter what they do, they won't get their way and I will be here every day for them to come.

We stick to a very consistent routine. I'm curious when they go to school later this year how many phone calls will be placed by the teacher to the parents.

[cheerfuldom]

a 5 year old?

at first I was thinking this was toddler age and was going to offer up a few ideas but in this case, I agree with the PP. you need to tell parents that you absolutely will not tolerate aggressive behavior. a 5 year old could really get out of control and hurt someone fast.

you dont have to put up with this! give them a warning, put a plan of action in place and then term if need be.

[jokalima]

Mom is not strong with her, we've talked several times about behavior but does not get better. You mentioned lies, and yes, she is doing that now also, started a couple of weeks ago to say lies. She does not say I hurt her, but she did say I was telling her she does a very bad job with projects and writing her name:confused:

I started a prize box, if they listen nicely during the day they will get a price from the box before leaving. My concern is that she has a brother here as well, I know that when brother gets a prize, and that is very likely to happen because brother is a very nice child, well i know hell is going to break loose if problem child does not get a prize as well, at the end the problem will be parents because is at pick up time but I am concerned that they will feel that i am causing trouble for them to take home. Advice?

[Country Kids]

Mom is not strong with her, we've talked several times about behavior but does not get better. You mentioned lies, and yes, she is doing that now also, started a couple of weeks ago to say lies. She does not say I hurt her, but she did say I was telling her she does a very bad job with projects and writing her name:confused:

I started a prize box, if they listen nicely during the day they will get a price from the box before leaving. My concern is that she has a brother here as well, I know that when brother gets a prize, and that is very likely to happen because brother is a very nice child, well i know hell is going to break loose if problem child does not get a prize as well, at the end the problem will be parents because is at pick up time but I am concerned that they will feel that i am causing trouble for them to take home. Advice?

Go ahead and do the prize box-she is going to have to learn. Teachers do this in school so what is going to happen when she is bad and doesn't get to get a piece of candy-she's going to learn what behavior is expected.

Mine is also 5!

[daycare]

at 5 this child more than knows better. Sounds like the child wears the pants, not the parent.

Speaking from experience I had a girl that would have bad behavior at my house because her and mom would have spats on the way here. The girl would come in crying and throw a tantrum for about 30-45 min. Mom's problem became mine and I allowed it...stupid me. Now I know better

Well I never sent her home for behavior and tried to deal with it. She has aged out of my program and is now in kinder. The first two weeks of school her mom was called every day to come get her. First it was because of the morning tantrums, then it was because of other behavioral issues.

The mom was shocked that according to her all of a sudden her little girl was having all of these NEW issues at her new school.

When mom called to tell me about them, I began to feel horrible because these were not new issues, they were always present, I just did not take care of it the right way with DCG and the parents.

I would be calling mom every time this child acts out like this and tell DCM to come pick her up.

put the problem back on her.

BTW sorry if this is a repeat of anything else anyone has said, it took me about 30 minutes to post this.....sorry busy day

[jokalima]

Oh my! I feel so horrible with DCM, the girl was screaming bloody murder because little brother got prize and she did not. I am afraid that mom could take this the wrong way and feel that I am ruining her day by giving her this much trouble at the en of her working day. I do feel and know that I have to be strong and firm with this, I know this is good for mom because she can realize how serious is the situation and take more action by me doing this and I think it helps the girl because she is going to school soon and she need to be prepared for a completely different atmosphere where things are just not done her way and where she will not be able to boss people around. Now, how can I word this to mom? I did not have a chance to speak to her about the situation because DCG just did not give us a chance with so much screaming, so I am thinking of writing it down and give her a letter explaining the prize box goals and how they can benefit from it but not sure how to put it together. I feel terrible with this, I felt I was just giving mom a hard time

[daycare]

Oh my! I feel so horrible with DCM, the girl was screaming bloody murder because little brother got prize and she did not. I am afraid that mom could take this the wrong way and feel that I am ruining her day by giving her this much trouble at the en of her working day. I do feel and know that I have to be strong and firm with this, I know this is good for mom because she can realize how serious is the situation and take more action by me doing this and I think it helps the girl because she is going to school soon and she need to be prepared for a completely different atmosphere where things are just not done her way and where she will not be able to boss people around. Now, how can I word this to mom? I did not have a chance to speak to her about the situation because DCG just did not give us a chance with so much screaming, so I am thinking of writing it down and give her a letter explaining the prize box goals and how they can benefit from it but not sure how to put it together. I feel terrible with this, I felt I was just giving mom a hard time

I \know you want to talk about the prize box, but I think that the girls behavioral over all needs to be addressed first.

I would ask mom to call you during her lunch break when she could talk without being distracted.

I would let her know what is going on with the DCG and how you can work together to resolve it. Also let her know that if at any point during the day when the girl is with you if she does XY or Z, then you will call mom to come pick her up. Trust me when I tell you that this is what the school will also do. YOu guys to need come up with a plan and let dcm know that this behavior needs to be resolved.

Then let her know that you have created the prize box to reward the good behavior... I personally hate stuff like that, but that is just me. Some people do great with it and love it.....

[jokalima]

Thanks, I started the prize box because of her... There is more to the story about her but I just don't want to give to many details for security/privacy. Is a "experiment" so not sure if going to keep doing it, in my heart I believe is a good thing because of all those other issues that I don't want to mention, but basically this child has severe behavioral problems, problems that cannot be handled only by me or parent, DC parents are aware of this but have not heard word back of what they are planing to do with this. I hate the telephone because of language, but I can try it, but we have, we have had numerous conversation about the same thing and it does not seem to help at all, that's why in a way I think this experiment LOL would help, because then DCM would be forced to deal with it.

[jokalima]

Well, Mom was OK with the situation and says she understands. But today... OH wow! This little girls is trying so hard to push my buttons, you have no idea, she is aware of the prize box and understands the concept but every time I redirect her she just starts screaming, but is not an innocent thing. IDK if you ladies know what I mean but I think we can tell when some kids are doing things on purpose, specially the older ones and this is exactly what is happening, she even swinged her arms at me trying to hit me again. Another talk to mom is going to happen and I will be forced to tell her that it cannot happen a 3rd time or she will be suspended.

[Country Kids]

So glad mom was ok with it.

Here are some suggestions I have that I actually found out about the child I have. It took alot of work on the parents and me to figure these out. There are still very hard days but if all the below have been done then its just the child I have being difficult.

Have they eaten breakfast: mine was eating a granola bar and blood sugar was dipping

Sleep: Mine was either going to bed later or getting up early. I can really tell when this happens. It seems to be more getting up way to early and staying up for the day-anywhere from 3-5 in the morning.

Who have they been with:mine struggles being with anyone but me or parents. If they spend the weekend with someone, watch out Monday.

How are siblings playing:Mine tend to get extra bossy towards everyone if they aren't getting their way with sibling play at home. Not allowed though at home so something we really are working on.

Seperating during nap: I give the child one chance to be able to sleep in the same room as everyone. If they can't handle that, then they are seperated and they do know why. Has worked wonders!

I hope this list may help you. If you have any other questions please feel free to ask or pm me-

[daycare]

Well, Mom was OK with the situation and says she understands. But today... OH wow! This little girls is trying so hard to push my buttons, you have no idea, she is aware of the prize box and understands the concept but every time I redirect her she just starts screaming, but is not an innocent thing. IDK if you ladies know what I mean but I think we can tell when some kids are doing things on purpose, specially the older ones and this is exactly what is happening, she even swinged her arms at me trying to hit me again. Another talk to mom is going to happen and I will be forced to tell her that it cannot happen a 3rd time or she will be suspended.

she tried to hit you? I would be calling mom right now and tell mom that she needs to come and pick her up.

Sorry, But I really think that this is the only way that you are going to be able to get this to stop. MOm/dad need to resolve this.

I know that there are some children that are just out of control no matter what anyone does. But really this does usually come back to lack of parenting.

[countrymom]

YOU NEED TO CALL MOM TO COME AND GET HER!!!! what is it going to take, when she gives you a black eye. You need to let her parents deal with this. By the sounds of this, its bigger than even you can handle. Mom is not going to do anything till you start to call and tell her to pick up. We've seen this time and time again, once it starts to become moms problem then and only then will the problem be fixed.

[jokalima]

She has her days, something diff that has happened? She went to spend some time during the weekend with Dad, Monday was a terrible day and rest of week as well. I know I should call mom when she tries to hit but is just , nothing.. No excuses it is something I need to do. About not being able to handle it? No, not me and not parents, it has been advice by professionals to find help from outside, mom says she is still looking and searching for that help.