Really BAD Kid...

[Guest]

I have a 16 month old boy in my care that is REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY bad. Seriously, I'm at my wit's end with him! I can't put it off any longer, I have to speak to his mother about his behavior. Any advice on how to approach this subject or tips on what NOT to say? I swear I would term this boy if I could but it's just not an option.

[Heidi]

HOW is he "bad"?

He's 16 months old. He is not old enough to be "bad", IMO. Doesn't mean he's not a pain in the rear, but BAD is quite a label for a 16 mo! He's still a baby! I can be a real "tough guy" when it comes to some things. Still, 16 months is pretty early to be causing too much trouble.

Maybe you were just venting because it's been a particularly rough day?

More info please?

[daycare]

sorry, I know you are having a really hard time, but I honestly cant say that kids could possibly be "BAD" until they are older. This child does not even know the difference between right and wrong.

Perhaps they need to be shown what is expected of them and how they are expected to behave.

can you tell us what the child is doing that you consider to be so bad??

[Daycarelady1979]

The entire time he's here he is hurting someone, tearing up something, terrorizing an animal, climbing on stuff, waking up someone, running in circles, just absolutely DRIVING ME NUTS. I literally cannot take my eyes off him for a second! He is just so naughty. I have never seen anything like it! He's not happy unless he is bothering someone else. He climbs out of his high chair. He pulls the cat's hair out by the handful. He wakes up his sister every single time she tries to take a nap. He hits. He bites.

I just don't know what else to say... I can't take it much longer

Advice? Suggestions??

[Heidi]

ooooh boy!

Does he sleep at all?

Have you asked his parents if they're concerned?

Can you contain him at all? A playpen? A "supergate'? He climbs out of his highchair? Is he strapped in?

What does he eat?

Maybe your choice of "bad" made us all go , but he sound's like quite a lot of little boy!

[Starburst]

Um....

What does he do that makes him "bad"? Do you actualy tell him that he is "bad" or that his behavior is "bad"? I'm not trying to be mean or change your opinion of the kid or anything and I know you are speaking out of frustration but its not right to not flat out lable a young child as a "BAD KID". Because no matter how young they are, when kids hear these labels over time they get it in their head "I am a bad kid" and then they grow up with this complex thinking "what's the point in acting good?" and then it becomes a self-fullfilling prophacy. You should try to seperate the behavior from the individual. Just because a person makes bad choices does not mean they are a bad person. You didn't give much information so I am not sure what issues you are having with him or what you have tried.

If he were older you should tell them that you know he can be a good kid but he just makes bad decicions/choices. Also their is modeling good behaviors/praises for the child, more supervision (but not necessarily more attention), and taking away certain toys/privilages. Also maybe the problem is he doesn't get enough attention at home so when he acts up he gets more attention (kids usually don't care if it is negative or possitive as long as it is attention). If terming is not an option try seeing what some of his behaviors are (does he bite/hit another kid? does he break things?) and try to find ways to avoid these problems (keeping him distanced from other kids, removing breakable items from his reach). at this age you can probably try to praise him or show him more attention/recognition when he behaves well- like if he shares a toy with some one or plays nicely with pets.

Some of it could be if he is new he is having seperation anxiety from his mom, or it could even be if he sees this behavior (or just acts this way) at home. If you did talk to mom you could say "I notice DCB has been displaying some unusual behavior here such as.... Does he do this at home?" And then of course there is a chance maybe he picked up on some of this behavior from family/friends or that he could have a special needs behavioral/emotional issue that should be evaluated by a professional.

[CedarCreek]

If you don't want to term then I think you just found your new shadow. It won't be fun but he needs to start by your side at all times no matter what you are doing until he gets that only nice play is acceptable.

I'm having to do this with one of my kiddos right now..it stinks. But he is getting it.

[Daycarelady1979]

Yes, he does sleep...A LOT.
I told the mom I need to talk to her tomorrow at pick up time.
Yes, he climbs out of high chair, even when strapped in. I don't know how he does it!
He eats almost anything. He is a good eater.

In the past when I have dealt with a child with behavior like this, after one or two times or redirection or separation, they get the point. This boy DOES NOT GET IT. He just does the same stuff over & over & over...and I NEVER let him get away with it.

For example, every single day, without fail, he runs laps around my downstairs area. Runs. And runs. And runs. Circles! All day! I redirect him. It doesn't work. I separate him from the area. It doesn't work. I contain him in his high chair. It doesn't work. I sit him on the couch for a mini time out. It doesn't work. I speak to him, on his level, in a firm voice. It doesn't work. NOTHING WORKS. Finally I moved my furniture around so he couldn't run in circles. His play area was cut in half. I didn't know what else to do. It was a total pain (and not fair) for the other people in my house. It seemed to work for him though. Tonight I used my super yard in a straight line to block off one doorway & a baby gate in the other doorway, instead of moving all the furniture again. He ran, and ran, and ran, and ran from gate to gate. Back & forth. Over & over. What more can I do??

If y'all want to think I'm an awful person for saying he is "bad"...go right ahead. At this point it doesn't bother me. He has bitten another child about 100 times since he started coming here. The biting, the running, the hitting, the standing on toys...it's becoming a safety issue & I'm just looking for some advice from fellow providers. If you don't have anything constructive to say, how 'bout you just skip this post? There's enough negativity in the world today...can't we at least be nice to each other on here?

[Sugar Magnolia]

Where in your house does the running occur? The best way to prevent running is to make the area have more obstacles . Low book shelves as room dividers work well. A small table with chairs, a reading area? The more open space you have, the more running will occur. Remove things he climbs that are dangerous. Do you have an outdoor climber, or something safe he can climb on? Analyze your environment, identify problem areas, make changes. These do sound like typical, expected behaviors from a 16 month old. BUT.....biting 100 times is a super serious grounds for termination, major safety issue, huge liability.

[Michelle]

I know how you feel!
I have a child like this but he is not like this all day , he goes in cycles through the day and I am paying close attention to "why" he does it.
Maybe watch and listen to what is going on.

Does he do it when the other babies cry? maybe he can't handle the noise

Does he do it when there is a transition in activities? people coming or going?

Does he hate it when things change?

If you can find out "why" he does it then maybe you can minimize it or take steps to prevent it
Sounds like he needs a lot of outside time too

[Daycarelady1979]

I agree about the outside time.
I can't wait until we can get out there & play!

One thing my husband & I have noticed is that we both think this boy might have a hearing problem. I'm going to suggest a hearing test to the mom. He either has NO IDEA what we're talking about, or he can't hear us. He just looks at me like I'm dumb. He doesn't talk. He doesn't follow directions. He just looks BLANK all the time.

Thank you to the people who were kind to me

[Sugar Magnolia]

Oh wait, didn't see the part where you mentioned rearranging the furniture. Ooops. My bad.Ok.....I still think you should analyze the area and see how you can rearrange to cut the "runway" and make it less easy to run.
Is he full time? I have a tough case this age too, he is part time and this makes it longer to get with the program. I hope I can help you. Sorry about your frustration. I don't think you're horrible for saying he's bad, but like the others said, he isn't "bad", he is just a toddler, his behaviors are just more challenging. I do think it's important for us to use professional language on a public forum.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I know how you feel!
I have a child like this but he is not like this all day , he goes in cycles through the day and I am paying close attention to "why" he does it.
Maybe watch and listen to what is going on.

Does he do it when the other babies cry? maybe he can't handle the noise

Does he do it when there is a transition in activities? people coming or going?

Does he hate it when things change?

If you can find out "why" he does it then maybe you can minimize it or take steps to prevent it
Sounds like he needs a lot of outside time too

Oh this is awesome advice!!!

[Sugar Magnolia]

I agree about the outside time.
I can't wait until we can get out there & play!

One thing my husband & I have noticed is that we both think this boy might have a hearing problem. I'm going to suggest a hearing test to the mom. He either has NO IDEA what we're talking about, or he can't hear us. He just looks at me like I'm dumb. He doesn't talk. He doesn't follow directions. He just looks BLANK all the time.

Thank you to the people who were kind to me

I am hearing impaired and I don't run in circles:: He is too young for a serious screening, but try this...be out of his direct line of sight, clap loudly once,.see if he turns his head.

[Heidi]

I agree about the outside time.
I can't wait until we can get out there & play!

One thing my husband & I have noticed is that we both think this boy might have a hearing problem. I'm going to suggest a hearing test to the mom. He either has NO IDEA what we're talking about, or he can't hear us. He just looks at me like I'm dumb. He doesn't talk. He doesn't follow directions. He just looks BLANK all the time.

Thank you to the people who were kind to me

Please, please don't think I'm being unkind! I think it was just your choice of the word "bad".

I had a little boy years ago that started with me at 20 months. Finally terminated care at 3 years old, because I came to the decision that I could not help him. Tried every resource I could, but no one could help. I got a lot of "well...toddlers bite" "well...toddlers hit" Yeah, they do, sometimes. Just not ALL the time! Same kiddo potty trained himself at 22 months.

The blank look and lack of connection are some red flags. Having his hearing tested sounds like a good start. If you're willing to be honest with mom and she's willing to listen, maybe he has a chance. It does sound like something is going on that's atypical.

If you don't want to just terminate, then be honest with the family, and give them the message that "we need to figure this out".

Good luck to you!