Would You Consider This A Red Flag?

[melilley]

I had a phone call yesterday from a mom looking for care. She said her son is 19 months and just started being able to eat table food, he has had a really bad gag reflex which I can understand, I've had children in the past like that. She wanted to know if I could fix him a sandwich if he doesn't eat, I said yes, it's not really a big deal to me.
She then had a lot of other questions (understandable), but one that is really bothering me is she asked if my husband would be here during daycare hours and what he does for a living. For one, I am a home daycare, of course he would be here for part of the time and for two what does it matter what he does for a living? And for three she said she used to do in home daycare, she is married, so what did her husband do during hours?
Am I overreacting or does this family bring up red flags? I have an interview with them this evening and just have a weird feeling.
Any advice would be appreciated! I just opened and this is just my second interview. I have given tours when I worked in a center, but it wasn't up to me if we took a family or not.

Thanks!!!!

[crazydaycarelady]

Actually I don't think it is a red flag. I'd want to know what kind of person the hubby is too since he will be there. I usually tell prospective clients what my hubby does and that he is a registered caregiver as well.

[mbullette]

I would at least meet with them and see how things go. I have had people in the past ask what my husband does for a living and I had no problem telling them. If she seems really picky I wouldn't accept them into care but that is just me. I guess it all depends on how bad you need clients. When I started I took anyone and I have learned my lesson.

Good luck!!!

[Meeko]

I've had a few like this over the years and I have not taken them. If they are THAT suspicious about having a man around, they are too much of a liability.

I once had a mom come to interview and tell me she thought my husband and son were "creepy" for being involved in daycare. I asked her to leave.

She had the audacity to call back a couple days later and tell me she had re-thought it and had got some references about me and my family and daycare and that it sounded just what she wanted after all.

I told her I was glad she had re-thought it. But I hadn't.

[NeedaVaca]

I don't think it's too weird that she asked if he will be there during daycare hrs or what he does for a living. As a matter of fact I tell them this stuff during my interview. I tell them what he does for a living and because of what he does it actually benefits the daycare I also make sure they have a chance to meet my husband since he is seen coming and going occasionally. Since I run a home daycare I like them to be comfortable with everything that goes on in my home. I give them a tour of my entire home even though we don't use all of it for daycare. I think not showing them what's behind closed doors would be weird...I do tell them we don't use these rooms etc but at least they get a chance to see my home.

To be honest the fixing a different meal would be my problem...I know you said it doesn't bother you but depending on how many kids you end up enrolling that could get to be a problem. What if every parent says that and you are making different meals for all the kids?

[melilley]

I've had a few like this over the years and I have not taken them. If they are THAT suspicious about having a man around, they are too much of a liability.

I once had a mom come to interview and tell me she thought my husband and son were "creepy" for being involved in daycare. I asked her to leave.

She had the audacity to call back a couple days later and tell me she had re-thought it and had got some references about me and my family and daycare and that it sounded just what she wanted after all.

I told her I was glad she had re-thought it. But I hadn't.

I can't believe they said that about your son and husband!

[melilley]

I don't think it's too weird that she asked if he will be there during daycare hrs or what he does for a living. As a matter of fact I tell them this stuff during my interview. I tell them what he does for a living and because of what he does it actually benefits the daycare I also make sure they have a chance to meet my husband since he is seen coming and going occasionally. Since I run a home daycare I like them to be comfortable with everything that goes on in my home. I give them a tour of my entire home even though we don't use all of it for daycare. I think not showing them what's behind closed doors would be weird...I do tell them we don't use these rooms etc but at least they get a chance to see my home.

To be honest the fixing a different meal would be my problem...I know you said it doesn't bother you but depending on how many kids you end up enrolling that could get to be a problem. What if every parent says that and you are making different meals for all the kids?

Makes sense! I've only had one other interview-I just opened last week. That interview went very well! I did make sure my husband was here to meet them and told them what he did and I offered to show them the whole main floor of the house, not the basement, it is wreck and we're still redoing it. I guess that question just took me off guard.

[countrymom]

if he can't eat food because he has a gag reflux problem then how is eating a sandwich better. Just make sure you have a clause in your contract incase it doesn't work out.

[melilley]

if he can't eat food because he has a gag reflux problem then how is eating a sandwich better. Just make sure you have a clause in your contract incase it doesn't work out.

She said he just started eating well, but wanted to know about the sandwich as a just in case he doesn't eat thing. But true, how can he eat a sandwich and not other things. :confused: I didn't think of that...duh... Maybe this is more of a picky eater thing. I'll have to find out more now.

[daycare]

I dont see anything wrong with them wanting to know who will be around your children.

I always tell parents about my family and what they all do. I have teens, both male and female, so I think it's only fair to tell the parents that their children will be around them too...

[melilley]

Thanks everyone! It doesn't seem as bad as I thought. I do tell people about my family-on my website and in my ads. I guess it may have been the way she asked or maybe I just took it the wrong way.

[youretooloud]

I don't think it's a red flag. I've had to tell my husband to turn off the TV a few times, because he'll turn on something inappropriate while the kids are there.

Sometimes men don't use common sense. If he is home all day, is he going to be sitting on the couch all day playing video games?

[canadiancare]

I am open about my husband's career and whether he is home during daycare hours (maybe 15 minutes all day) he has his police check done, as do I. I also have a 21 year old and a 19 year old son at home as well as my 15 year old daughter. The boys are in university so they have erratic hours. They are also lifeguards/swim instructors and, as such have their police records check as well. When my daughter turns 16 she'll go have hers done, too.

It is no guarantee that having a police check means you are not a bad person but it does seem to put people at ease so it has been well worth it.

EDIT also re the sandwich. I'd watch that she isn't using "gag reflex" as an excuse for a child who makes himself vomit when they don't like something and you end up providing him an alternate meal on a regular basis.

[melilley]

I don't think it's a red flag. I've had to tell my husband to turn off the TV a few times, because he'll turn on something inappropriate while the kids are there.

Sometimes men don't use common sense. If he is home all day, is he going to be sitting on the couch all day playing video games?

Luckily my husband has his man cave in the basement... He usually works between 4-6 am to 1-2p so he will be here in the afternoon, but I have a feeling that he will be downstairs a lot or if he is upstairs he will be with our baby.

[Starburst]

I've had a few like this over the years and I have not taken them. If they are THAT suspicious about having a man around, they are too much of a liability.

I once had a mom come to interview and tell me she thought my husband and son were "creepy" for being involved in daycare. I asked her to leave.

I think that has something to do with some personal family cultures (espesually in cultures where woman are in charge of child care). We as a society are progressive in so many ways, but still regressive in many others. It's kinda like in that movie "Daddy Daycare" where everyone was saying it was weird for men to have a daycare. One night I got out of one of my child development classes and my mom noticed there was a few guys from that class and she said that it would make her uncomfortable to have a young kid being watched/taught by a man (she didn't seem to have issues when my brother and I were in school ?). My ECE teachers even said that they do have trouble getting more men in this field because many are either expected to pick more masculine careers or afraid of being seen as "creeps" if they show any interest in ECE/CD or implicated for abuse. One FCCP I used to work for, her daughter was looking for different daycare job in the same city (they were having mother/daughter work issues) and one FCC she went to was ran by a single dad and even her mom said that it didn't seem right- though from what we heard he didn't really set any rules (didn't make them wear shoes outside and would let them throw toys around- even at each other) but she did say it was odd that it was ran by a man and she got a bad feeling about it.

But their actually are a lot of positive aspects to having male involvment in the daycare (especially if the child is a boy and his father is not present at home). There are a lot more daycares now that are ran by married couples (literally mom and pop daycares); there is one in Carlsbad, CA I have seen the website and they charge an arm and a leg (up to $1200 a month per child; no sib discounts ) and are always full. My fiance shows lots of interest in my future business and always tries to give me suggestions/ideas for decor/furniture/toys. But he will still have his own career (not child related) and will be working outside of the home most of the time I am open.

I think it still takes some getting used to because even though more women are working and more men are staying home there is still a bit of a bias in this culture. But I think the question the OP's potential DCP was asking it might be more about knowing what your family and daycare dynamic is like and just wondering if he is supportive of your career or will be helping you or if you have an assistant. Of course it also depends on how she asks. But if you did say he was involved sometimes and she did say something like "thats weird/odd/creepy" than I would just tell her "I'm sorry but I don't think my daycare is right for you".