Possibly Autistic DCK

[hgonzalez]

I am really struggling here. I have a 2.5 year old that started here last October. He is completely non-verbal and has some other behaviors that have led the parents to getting an evaluation on him for Autism. They are great parents and currently in the process; should be finished in a couple of weeks.

My problem is that he has become aggressive. He does not seem to understand how other children play and he interprets much of what they do as a threat to him. I have tried putting him on a time out when he hits or pushes other kids, so now he will hit someone and run to the time out chair. He thinks that is the process and is not getting the part about not hurting others. He also tends to only go after kids that are smaller/younger than he is. He is big for his age, about the size of an average 4 yr old.

I know the parents are also struggling with this boy and I want to be able to help him. I have an older child of my own who is autistic, but she was never aggressive when she was younger. I completely understand his thought process, but can't seem to snap him out of it. He thrives with routine; everything has to be the same or he melts down.

Has anyone cared for a child like this? Any suggestions? I can try to distract him, but that only goes so far. I thought I was making progress, because I have caught him looking in my direction after he hits someone so he knows I am going to react but he is not making the connection that it is his actions that are causing me to react.

[CedarCreek]

I am really struggling here. I have a 2.5 year old that started here last October. He is completely non-verbal and has some other behaviors that have led the parents to getting an evaluation on him for Autism. They are great parents and currently in the process; should be finished in a couple of weeks.

My problem is that he has become aggressive. He does not seem to understand how other children play and he interprets much of what they do as a threat to him. I have tried putting him on a time out when he hits or pushes other kids, so now he will hit someone and run to the time out chair. He thinks that is the process and is not getting the part about not hurting others. He also tends to only go after kids that are smaller/younger than he is. He is big for his age, about the size of an average 4 yr old.

I know the parents are also struggling with this boy and I want to be able to help him. I have an older child of my own who is autistic, but she was never aggressive when she was younger. I completely understand his thought process, but can't seem to snap him out of it. He thrives with routine; everything has to be the same or he melts down.

Has anyone cared for a child like this? Any suggestions? I can try to distract him, but that only goes so far. I thought I was making progress, because I have caught him looking in my direction after he hits someone so he knows I am going to react but he is not making the connection that it is his actions that are causing me to react.

I don't have much advice, I am dealing with this myself right now with a 3yo boy. Unfortunately, I am probably going to have to term. I want to help him but I cant put my other DCKs at risk because of his violent behavior. (((hugs)))

[Blackcat31]

I don't have any advice to offer but did find these sites that have some tips on how to manage autism and aggression:

http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/autism-aggression.shtml

http://www.everydayhealth.com/autism/managing-aggression-in-kids.aspx

http://doban.hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Aggression

This site mught be SUPER helpful as they offer training videos and web-training on hundreds of different autism topics

http://autism.com/ind_puberty_aggression_seizures.asp

[cheerfuldom]

well as you know, there is a huge variety of behaviors that can be a part of Autism. If you are not trained to work with special needs kids, I wouldnt assume that because you are a parent of a special needs kid, that you will know what to do.

At this point, this issue is like any other issue at daycare. If you have run out of options and the behavior is still continuing, then you need to consider terming.....for safety. It doesnt matter if he is autistic or not, if/when he really hurts someone else, you will have a hot mess on your hands. You will have to be accountable to the other daycare parents about why their child was hurt by another child. Its risky to keep a child when you know they are aggressive and you can see that your normal policies are not curbing the behavior. You may find that other daycare parents would rather find a new daycare than deal with an aggressive child that is getting out of control. I know I would not be happy knowing that my daycare provider knowingly kept an aggressive kid in care and knew that child was escalating and hurting others.

If it was me, I would let him go. Let the parents know that if they are able to get some resources in place that address the behavior, you would consider taking him back in the future on a trial basis but for now, you are not seeing progress in the behavior.

[bunnyslippers]

The best strategy with children with Autism is to try and predict the problem before it happens. If you know, for example, that he gets frustrated when other children play near him, then giv him his own play space. If you know transitions are difficult, then establish a routine to warn him before one occurs. It is labor intensive...but usually effective...if you can try to stay one step ahead of him and know his triggers.

You could also try to establish a safe place for him. Instead of hitting and THEN going to time-out, try to teach him to request a break when he is feeling agitated. Allow him to remove himself from the situation. He is non-verbal, so offer him a picture of a safe quiet place in the room. All he needs to do is point to that picture, and he can remove himself before he escalates. It takes training - lots of training - and patience. I applaud you for trying to find a solution for this little buddy!

[butterfly]

My son is autistic. He still struggles with aggressive behavior, because he struggles in social situations. One thing that helps him (other than one on one interacts) is social stories. I would try to write a social story with photos, so that the child could see what happens if he hits a child. The other child will be sad, you'll be sad, the hitter will get a time out, etc. put it all together in a story with photos and read it with the child.

As you mentioned, routine is vital.

Try to catch moments to praise good behavior.

Totally agree with bunnyslippers!

[saved4always]

I don't have any advice to offer but did find these sites that have some tips on how to manage autism and aggression:

http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/autism-aggression.shtml

http://www.everydayhealth.com/autism/managing-aggression-in-kids.aspx

http://doban.hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Aggression

This site mught be SUPER helpful as they offer training videos and web-training on hundreds of different autism topics

http://autism.com/ind_puberty_aggression_seizures.asp

Thank you for posting these! I also have a 2 yo dcb who just started at our daycare that shows signs of autism but has not been officially diagnosed. I have zero experience with special needs children so I am bookmarking these sites so I can refer to them in case I start running into issues I am not sure how to handle.

OP, I have no advice, obviously , but I can sympathize with your difficulties.

[Angelsj]

Many children on the autism spectrum CANNOT understand that things outside themselves have feelings. I have four kids (out of eight) on the spectrum and even my currently 23 yo understand intellectually that other people feel things, but I think he is only beginning to truly believe it.
My 13 yo will say other people have feelings, but the conversations still go like this.
"If *** were to do that to you, how would you feel?"
"I would be so angry!"
"Don't you think *** was angry when you did that to him?"
"No...wait, yes?"
Every social situation must be practiced. And still they DO the right thing, because they tend to be rule oriented, but they do not believe it, and rules do not necessarily stick. Just because it is wrong to take the truck from Jimmy, does not translate into it being wrong to take the blocks from Jimmy.

Time out will never work with this child. These kids require a totally different way of handling. You just cannot apply what works for most kids.

[apick]

Many children on the autism spectrum CANNOT understand that things outside themselves have feelings. I have four kids (out of eight) on the spectrum and even my currently 23 yo understand intellectually that other people feel things, but I think he is only beginning to truly believe it.
My 13 yo will say other people have feelings, but the conversations still go like this.
"If *** were to do that to you, how would you feel?"
"I would be so angry!"
"Don't you think *** was angry when you did that to him?"
"No...wait, yes?"
Every social situation must be practiced. And still they DO the right thing, because they tend to be rule oriented, but they do not believe it, and rules do not necessarily stick. Just because it is wrong to take the truck from Jimmy, does not translate into it being wrong to take the blocks from Jimmy.

Time out will never work with this child. These kids require a totally different way of handling. You just cannot apply what works for most kids.

You seem to have a lot of experience with autism so I am in need of some advice. I interviewed a family tonight that needs care for their 6 year old boy who is autistic. He goes to a special needs school and this will be the first summer he won't be attending because the teachers told his mom he didn't need to be there. He seemed like a mellow kid from the 20 minutes I saw him and his mom said he isn't aggressive at all, but I still have reservations about taking him. I currently have a 10 month old boy, a 2 year old girl and 4 year old girl in care. I'm doing a trial day with him next week to see how to goes with the other kids, but I would greatly appreciate any advice anyone might have. He's mostly non-verbal and she said he doesn't like to play with other kids. Mostly I'm wondering how he will fit into our day and how to explain him to the other kids. If the trial goes OK I don't want to turn him away just because he's autistic. Please help!

[Cradle2crayons]

The best strategy with children with Autism is to try and predict the problem before it happens. If you know, for example, that he gets frustrated when other children play near him, then giv him his own play space. If you know transitions are difficult, then establish a routine to warn him before one occurs. It is labor intensive...but usually effective...if you can try to stay one step ahead of him and know his triggers.

You could also try to establish a safe place for him. Instead of hitting and THEN going to time-out, try to teach him to request a break when he is feeling agitated. Allow him to remove himself from the situation. He is non-verbal, so offer him a picture of a safe quiet place in the room. All he needs to do is point to that picture, and he can remove himself before he escalates. It takes training - lots of training - and patience. I applaud you for trying to find a solution for this little buddy!

Great advice and those things have worked great in my experience as well.

The rehearsing situations through stories works great but yes it has to be done over and over.

I have a three ring binder with pictures of different things. One section is emotions. One sections are activities. One sections are random pictures that are laminated that kids can out them in order to tell a story without using their words. One section has social scenarios. The notebook is a huge hit for the non verbal autistic kiddos.

It's priceless to watch a child who parents think because they are non verbal they have nothing to say... After some time, pick up the book and make a short story.

Great ideas and very effective.

Just have to keep remembering. These special kiddos are CONCRETE thinkers. They don't understand cause and effect. There is no black and white and everything is literal.

[Angelsj]

You seem to have a lot of experience with autism so I am in need of some advice. I interviewed a family tonight that needs care for their 6 year old boy who is autistic. He goes to a special needs school and this will be the first summer he won't be attending because the teachers told his mom he didn't need to be there. He seemed like a mellow kid from the 20 minutes I saw him and his mom said he isn't aggressive at all, but I still have reservations about taking him. I currently have a 10 month old boy, a 2 year old girl and 4 year old girl in care. I'm doing a trial day with him next week to see how to goes with the other kids, but I would greatly appreciate any advice anyone might have. He's mostly non-verbal and she said he doesn't like to play with other kids. Mostly I'm wondering how he will fit into our day and how to explain him to the other kids. If the trial goes OK I don't want to turn him away just because he's autistic. Please help!

A trial is a good idea, but I would make it more of a two week trial. You need to know if/ why he gets aggressive, and whether you can meet his needs. You have a fairly small group, so it might work out fine.

You need a quiet space where he can go if he is overwhelmed. This is not time out, but just a place to get away from other kids. It should not be used as punishment, and he should have free access in or out. You need to stay within arms reach until you know him pretty well, so you can protect the other kids if you need to do so.

These kids often have sensory needs. He may have trouble hearing or everything may be super loud to him. He may have difficulty seeing, or everything is too bright/colorful, etc. He may want to be touched all the time (squeeze himself between pillows, try to hug everyone) or he may not want to be touched at all, ever. Once you understand these things, you can help him get what he needs.

Honestly, read anything you can get your hands on pertaining to autism. The more you know, the easier it will be to understand his behaviors and provide the care he needs while protecting the littler kids.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

When mine did this, the parent really worked on the word gentle at home. We kept it consistent with the word gentle. So I would remind him to be gentle when he started to get upset. Simplify language for specific things. pick one word and stick to it.
Time outs initially just really upset him but now three years later, he understands them.