Potty Help

[daycarediva]

I have a lengthy potty training policy, so there is not a real issue there. I ask that parents try at home for two weeks with success before starting here, that they don't go back and forth between underwear/pullups/diapers, that the child be able to ask, and that they bring so many sets of cloths and cloth trainers with plastic covers.

I have a dcb who is 3.5, one of the brightest children I have ever had in care, no developmental concerns, we have been trying here and at home for a MONTH and it's just not going well. He is in underwear and plastic covers at home, cloth trainers and covers here.

Mom resorted to putting him on the potty every 30 minutes yesterday at home, he had fewer accidents. It's 11, and he is already through 6 changes of clothes, trainers and covers AND he asked and went potty twice! I am at a loss as to what to do/say.

His parents are divorced, but are friends and are very involved in his life and are being consistent (dcb can tell me and has).

Dcb is getting discouraged. "I had another accident" and cries!

WWYD? I am at the point that after 4 WEEKS of this AND his age, we need to talk visiting the pediatrician. While I don't think it's something developmental, it could be a physical problem?

I also don't want to tell dcm/d that I am refusing to try anymore here BUT it's causing dcb so much stress that he is soooo miserable & THAT is making me want to discontinue until a pediatrician gives the all clear.

[Meyou]

If he WANTS to potty learn and is trying not to have accidents and getting upset I would look for a physical reason before continuing. It sounds like something is going on he can't control.

My brother had a small physical abnormality with his ureter that my parents didn't find out about until they tried potty learning with him. It took surgery before he was able to go on the potty or control himself even though he wanted to. You would have never known anything was wrong. He also wet the bed until 11 through no fault of his own...it was all connected.

[blandino]

I would agree that looking for a medical answer is probably best. At his age if wetting himself, and feeling uncomfortable (and clearly being upset about it) isn't enough of a deterrent, then I don't think he can control his bladder function and there is hopefully an underlying medical condition. We have had late potty trainers before, but never 3.5, without a medical condition.

[daycarediva]

If he WANTS to potty learn and is trying not to have accidents and getting upset I would look for a physical reason before continuing. It sounds like something is going on he can't control.

My brother had a small physical abnormality with his ureter that my parents didn't find out about until they tried potty learning with him. It took surgery before he was able to go on the potty or control himself even though he wanted to. You would have never known anything was wrong. He also wet the bed until 11 through no fault of his own...it was all connected.

That would explain a lot with this dcb. This is attempt #2 (tried a year ago-at 2.5 with no luck, we just assumed he wasn't interested/ready).

He IS poop trained, though. Trouble with urine only and it seems like he isn't fully emptying his bladder. :confused:

[daycarediva]

I called Mom to talk about it after I got him down for a nap, she wasn't AT ALL receptive. He had 8 accidents this morning and pooped in the potty. I just said that at this point, I think we might have to look for underlying medical causes and I suggested a phone call to his pediatrician. She says I just need to take him more often, that's what worked for her. She was NOT happy with my "I cannot take him every 30 minutes" response. She hung up to call dcd to see what he thinks.

I've been doing this for the entire month of January. Her New Years Resolution was to get him trained. At 3.5, she was getting comments from friends/family. He is also a BIG kid (bigger than my almost 5yo). Pullups were goodnights all the time or they wouldn't fit, etc. I supported that, but this is getting excessive. I feel that if he was ABLE to go, we would be seeing visible improvements at this point. I can't change 1 child 8 times before 1pm.

[CedarCreek]

It seems like Mom is getting defensive because she knows that you are right and she might be embarrassed that she hasn't taken him to see the doctor yet even though many people have probably suggested that to her.

Hopefully DCD will agree to take him and they can find out if there is an underlying issue. If there is, she will hopefully be apologetic. If there isn't, if it were me id have to insist that the parents work with me on the training. If not, I would consider terming.

That really stinks, I'm sorry

[blandino]

Honestly, it is my belief that the reminding part of potty training is really unnecessary - and if done at all should be for a few days, just until they get the hang of it. I have found that bringing children to the potty doesn't actually get them to the point of recognizing the need to void and going on their own - any quicker. I would definitely say that this boy has a medical issue that needs to be addressed, if he isn't recognizing the need and initiating going to the restroom - let alone able to make it with you reminding/bringing him.

[daycarediva]

I wanted to update! I spoke to dcd and he called the pediatrician. dcb is going tomorrow at 4, Dad is taking him. As soon as I said it to Dad it looked like a sigh of relief (they have been trying for two months, only 1 here with NO significant progress AT ALL). He gave me the go ahead to put dcb in pullups, and is buying them tonight.

Dcm was still giving me the stink eye at drop off this morning. I told dcd today that I am NOT trying to find a cause or single dcb out, but that I would feel terribly negligent NOT to say something and have there be an underlying issue. dcd thanked me for coming forward, even if it did make dcm 'unhappy'.

Seriously, THAT is what I needed him to say/do! YAY! happyface