Sorry For The Long Post But I Need HELP

[Brooksie]

So over the past couple months I've been experiencing some pretty intense behavior from my own daughter. She turned 2 in early December. Since I've started doing child care out of my home I have only had a 2 PT infants, never here on the same day so she's only had to deal with one other kid at any time. Recent situations have had me lose both of those infants and since my child is now 2 it opens me up to 2 infant positions being available. I also have a before and after care kid who's 5.

The problem with her behavior is very far past the usual terrible twos. Hitting, pushing, pulling hair, biting, screaming and crying, completely inconsolable, and no remorse. Its constantly. If its not one thing its another. Its so constant that its difficult to be proactive because I'm just playing damage control or trying to call her down or clean up or mess or console a child she's hit. I talked to a psychiatrist and he thinks she's having massive anxiety attacks (fight or flight, and taking the fight and running with it).

I've been in contact with a local early child hood mental health program and they've come and observed her. the whole time she screamed and cried. EVERYTHING I tried to do made her worse. Even trying to leave her be. I couldn't even answer the woman's questions.

There are definitely days where she is just the normal rotten 2 year old, but they tend to fall on days we don't have other kids here.

Biggest issue is that I need to fill those spots. The family who is interested and has been interested since pregnant and doesn't want to go any where else wants to enroll pretty munch immediately. The little boy they would be enrolling is only a few months old. I'm really nervous about how that's going to be for my daughter. I know its going to take a lot more attention away from her and I feel like that's going to pose a bigger problem then I'm already trying to manage. I've thought about having her be my helper with him (She LOVES baby dolls) and luckily (starting out) he would only be coming a few days a week. Which would give her more time to get used to the situation.

I obviously have a lot of concerns and stressors going on right now, so ANY suggestions about the behavior, or how soon I should tell this family I can take the child, and how to get my daughter to better ease into the situation without disaster :confused: would be much appreciated.

[lolaland]

Sorry for being so blunt but I would not be adding more children (specially so young) to this already stressful situation. Providing the best for your daughter and the best care for these families is a conflict at this point. I lived somewhat this situation and at that time I kept only one family. I drove my daughter (2years old at that time) and this child (3 years old boy) to the needed appointments and therapies and only when my daughter overcame her "issues" I then returned my daycare to the original path of business. Took me 1 year. The best decision I ever made and my priorities were very clear... no conflicts ... no having to chose wich battle to fight... not felling I was failing to my child or to this family. I have no doubt my daughter's behaviors and my concerns would have stayed longer If I did not dedicated so much of my attention to it.

[providerandmomof4]

So over the past couple months I've been experiencing some pretty intense behavior from my own daughter. She turned 2 in early December. Since I've started doing child care out of my home I have only had a 2 PT infants, never here on the same day so she's only had to deal with one other kid at any time. Recent situations have had me lose both of those infants and since my child is now 2 it opens me up to 2 infant positions being available. I also have a before and after care kid who's 5.

The problem with her behavior is very far past the usual terrible twos. Hitting, pushing, pulling hair, biting, screaming and crying, completely inconsolable, and no remorse. Its constantly. If its not one thing its another. Its so constant that its difficult to be proactive because I'm just playing damage control or trying to call her down or clean up or mess or console a child she's hit. I talked to a psychiatrist and he thinks she's having massive anxiety attacks (fight or flight, and taking the fight and running with it).

I've been in contact with a local early child hood mental health program and they've come and observed her. the whole time she screamed and cried. EVERYTHING I tried to do made her worse. Even trying to leave her be. I couldn't even answer the woman's questions.

There are definitely days where she is just the normal rotten 2 year old, but they tend to fall on days we don't have other kids here.

Biggest issue is that I need to fill those spots. The family who is interested and has been interested since pregnant and doesn't want to go any where else wants to enroll pretty munch immediately. The little boy they would be enrolling is only a few months old. I'm really nervous about how that's going to be for my daughter. I know its going to take a lot more attention away from her and I feel like that's going to pose a bigger problem then I'm already trying to manage. I've thought about having her be my helper with him (She LOVES baby dolls) and luckily (starting out) he would only be coming a few days a week. Which would give her more time to get used to the situation.

I obviously have a lot of concerns and stressors going on right now, so ANY suggestions about the behavior, or how soon I should tell this family I can take the child, and how to get my daughter to better ease into the situation without disaster :confused: would be much appreciated.

Wow...it sounds like you're having a hard time. I feel for you. hugs....I've had some experience with this as my dcd was the worst child in my dc. She was 3 when I started and although she rarely acted aggresively..she wasn't beyond it if everyone wasn't doing what she wanted. I was constantly coaching, redirecting, dealing with her....It was exhausting! My dcd was the youngest in our family and used to getting my full attention and truthfully before dc I would sit and play with her for long periods of time. When I had dck all day, I did not want to sit and play anymore She adjusted as she got older...she still had her off days and it was a struggle. When she was 4 she started prek and she loved it. Now she's in school all day and says how much she misses daycare... Ha! I don't miss her causing trouble Anyway..my thoughts are (and I don't know your financial situation) but if you could possibly wait with the infants in dc until she is older, maybe it would help...and just take some older kids for now. I think with one's younger than her you may have some real jealousy issues?

[Brooksie]

I'm a single parent and sole provider for my daughter. We are already struggling and in this area its really hard to find kids over 2. Its kind of my only option other than quitting and working nights in a restaurant..

[Mom&Provider]

Has your own daughter even been in a daycare setting before?

It does sound like maybe this won't work out for you, at least not for your daughter at this time. I'm sure the thought of having to work nights etc. is not something you are looking forward to, but perhaps for right now to keep your daughter happy you need to do it. Of course I asked if your own daughter has ever been in daycare first, since you could run into her behaving the same way in someone elses care, then you are really stuck!

Do you have family to help you with your daughter or a friend that could come to play with her vs just having babies around?

[cheerfuldom]

Put the new baby on a trial basis.

your daughter sounds like my middle daughter. my 3.5 year old is by far the hardest kid I have ever cared for. We have struggled since she was born with her behavior and i have had people suggest that she might have adhd or something. for now, i have to be on top of her schedule and whatnot ALL the time. she is exhausting to be sure. it is one of the main reasons that i am currently downsizing/closing my daycare. i just cant make it work anymore but that doesnt mean that you cant. i think a trial would be best.

[snips&snails]

My 3.5 year old is struggling so much - he has always been a well behaved child, he was in a center from 14 months until 3 months ago when I was licensed - everyday children are here he is a nightmare - there are improvements but it is still a huge struggle!!

I don't really have any advice but I feel for you - I am also a single parent and while I consider shutting down it is not really an option at the moment. The biggest thing that has helped my son & I is staying as calm as possible during his outbursts & heaping on positive attention the rest of the time; I also make a point of making him my helper etc. I think the whole single parent thing makes it even harder because let's face it, there's not enough of us to go around as it is!!!

[snips&snails]

When I had dck all day, I did not want to sit and play anymore

So true!!!!!!

[Brooksie]

My 3.5 year old is struggling so much - he has always been a well behaved child, he was in a center from 14 months until 3 months ago when I was licensed - everyday children are here he is a nightmare - there are improvements but it is still a huge struggle!!

I don't really have any advice but I feel for you - I am also a single parent and while I consider shutting down it is not really an option at the moment. The biggest thing that has helped my son & I is staying as calm as possible during his outbursts & heaping on positive attention the rest of the time; I also make a point of making him my helper etc. I think the whole single parent thing makes it even harder because let's face it, there's not enough of us to go around as it is!!!

So true. ((Hugs)) From one stressed single mom to another! Shutting it down just is not an option right now. I am going to bring this infant in on a month trial basis and just keep him, my daughter and my before and after care kid. I think having the wide age ranges will put less stress on my daughter instead of having 3 1-2 years olds all struggling with the same things. I'm going to work on making her my helper and since the infant will (hopefully) be sleeping a lot more than she's used to, I can really focus on my daughter and involve her in the activities she loves that we haven't been able to do recently bc its been too difficult with the 2 yrs and her behavior. Fingers crossed.

[SunnyDay]

Hang in there! With my son I have found that certain personalities just do not mesh with his. I know infants are different and your daughter doesn't necessarily have to "get along" with them, but hopefully some new children will just "click" a little better with her. Thinking of you!