Stumped On Potty Issues

[Play Care]

I have a 2 yo girl in my care that Dad swears is mostly pt'd at home. I have no reason to not believe him, but in my years of dc, I've found most kids pt here for me sooner than for parents. But on Friday he asked if I would start getting her on the potty here.

Today she came in a diaper, with more diapers in her bag and only two pairs of undies and pants. We didn't really chat so I pull out the undies and get them on her. I show her the special potty chair and stickers. No go. She refuses to sit. At one point I told her "potty time!" and put her on (kicking and screaming, mind you). A little while later I notice her pants are now wet. I actually waited a few minutes just to see if she even noticed or would ask to be changed. She didn't and I changed her. The second time I put a pair of training pants over her undies so she would still get the wet feeling if she went but it wouldn't be all over my furniture/carpets. Again refusal to potty. Before nap I went to put her in the diaper and she was wet and completely unconcerned about it.

1. She's not holding it/going any length of time staying dry 2. she doesn't care about being wet 3. she freaks about using the potty.
To me this says she is not ready - at least for here. Don't get me wrong, I would love it if she were, but I don't think it's happening.
Am I missing something?

[CedarCreek]

I would tell her parents that she is simply not ready. Unless the child can either sign to me or verbally tell me that they need to potty, they are not ready for me. Also, I don't let them just bring underwear unless the child is able to hold it for a considerable amount of time. It's pull ups until they can learn to control themselves. Its a sanitary issue for me. I have all of that in my policies and bring it out and point to it when I have a parent wanting to potty train early.

[cheerfuldom]

ask what is going on at home and what DCD defines as "potty trained at home". i would imagine they are leaving her on the potty for looooong periods of time or other tactics that are not going to match with a daycare setting. I have had parents do a huge variety of things that they consider potty training

leaving kids on the potty while watching tv all day, of course they are going to go on it if they are sitting on it for 3 hours at a time

huge bribes to sit on the potty "she cooperates so well at home!"

putting them in underwear too soon and cleaning up messes all day "she already wears underwear at home!"

letting them run naked at home "she doesnt wear diapers at home at all any more!"

taking them to the potty literally every 15 minutes. one of my DCMs did this for a long time and kept trying to convince me that DCG was ready to train here and one year later, this DCG is still in pullups

it all sounds so good when parents put a positive spin on it. or there is always the other alternative....they are just plan lying.

the best idea is to write up a policy about what you consider "signs of readiness" and what you can and cannot do at daycare.

[mbullette]

I am going through the same thing. I have a boy who just turned 2. Parents say he is full potty trained at home and they will not buy anymore diapers for him. He comes to my house and he refuses to use the potty. They dont send diapers ever so I tried getting him to go and it was not happening. I have asked them several times to send diapers and they told me they dont have any and wont buy any because that will confuse him. I told them that here he refuses to go and he wont be allowed back until he comes with diapers. One day 5 mins after he got here he pooped in his pants. I was feeding the baby and he didnt want me to know so he tried to hide his dirty clothes. He had poop all over my daycare area and I was so upset. I told the mom about it and she was like well it happens. I understand kids have accidents but I am not convinced her child is potty trained. I think parents want their kids to be potty trained so they dont have to buy diapers anymore.

[cheerfuldom]

I am going through the same thing. I have a boy who just turned 2. Parents say he is full potty trained at home and they will not buy anymore diapers for him. He comes to my house and he refuses to use the potty. They dont send diapers ever so I tried getting him to go and it was not happening. I have asked them several times to send diapers and they told me they dont have any and wont buy any because that will confuse him. I told them that here he refuses to go and he wont be allowed back until he comes with diapers. One day 5 mins after he got here he pooped in his pants. I was feeding the baby and he didnt want me to know so he tried to hide his dirty clothes. He had poop all over my daycare area and I was so upset. I told the mom about it and she was like well it happens. I understand kids have accidents but I am not convinced her child is potty trained. I think parents want their kids to be potty trained so they dont have to buy diapers anymore.

I would send this child home immediately and then not allow him to return without diapers, pullups or waterproof trainers. dont let them in the door until they cooperate. if they refuse, term them. finding a replacement will be cheaper than cleaning all your carpets and furniture, trust me.

[Play Care]

I would send this child home immediately and then not allow him to return without diapers, pullups or waterproof trainers. dont let them in the door until they cooperate. if they refuse, term them. finding a replacement will be cheaper than cleaning all your carpets and furniture, trust me.

I will give my parent credit - he hasn't not sent diapers. Granted I always keep "extras" on hand and make it clear children who refuse to use the potty have lots of accidents will go back in to diapers for the day and the parents will be billed for them. But it sounds as if they expect you to drag him to the potty and force him to sit until he goes...not happening!

[canadiancare]

Often it is the parents who are potty trained and not the child. Starting at two I sit the kids on the toilet (as an introduction) at diaper change times. If they have some success, great, if not, maybe next time. I have parents who tell me their child is trained at home but that child can't even put a hat on their head here let alone pull down their own pants and maneuver the potty. Those same parents will be the ones who say their child has regressed as soon as they stop helping them toilet.

I tell my parents that a child has to be able to recognise the need to go and get themselves to the toilet/potty and use it independently if they are to be considered trained- otherwise it is just an adult sitting them at regular intervals. You also have to be willing to not fall back on sticking a diaper on your child for convenience when you are out running errands. No mixed messages.

[daycare]

what I would do is this...

congrats to you DCP for being able to get DCG on the toilet at home. Here is is much harder due to all of the stimulation and distractions.

I would tell the parent that you are only willing to work on self help skills at this time. meaning that you will need the child in pull ups and they will start learning to master pulling pants and pull up down, getting on the pot with little to no assistance, sit for at least 45 seconds, ( i have them sing the ABC before they can get off) then flush, pull up pants and pull up. wash hands and able to return to the group.

I dont think parents realize how much their is to accomplish before actually going to the bathroom on the toilet at DC