Constant Lying 4 yr Old

**daycare** · 01-21-2013, 03:54 PM

Anyone?? 48 views. Any one have ideas they can share??

**daycarediva** · 01-21-2013, 03:58 PM

I really have no advice other than to call him out in front of his parents and ask them if they see the same type of behavior at home.

My own 4yo ds is a 'truth stretcher', and the ONLY thing that stops it is not giving it too much attention and IMMEDIATELY addressing it as a lie. "No ds, dcb did not fall on you on purpose, it was an accident. It is not ok to lie." Then ignoring any other attempts to tell me otherwise.

**Sugar Magnolia** · 01-21-2013, 04:31 PM

Yes, discuss with parents, but I would not use the word "lie" at any point in this conversation. Exaggerations and untrue statements are better words. IMO.

**daycare** · 01-21-2013, 04:58 PM

thanks for this advice... I will be sure to talk to the parents about it and let them know that DCK is stretching the truth and is doing it in hope of others getting into trouble...

**daycare** · 01-21-2013, 05:01 PM

from everything that I read online it says not to pay much attention to it or the person doing it, but this person is doing it so that they can see someone else get into trouble...

**Sugar Magnolia** · 01-21-2013, 05:07 PM

Yep! And let parents know you will be ignoring this behavior.

**daycare** · 01-21-2013, 05:17 PM

maybe I should get the story the boy who cried wolf???? I have never hear of this story before, I saw it recommended on a different website.

**KnoxMom** · 01-21-2013, 05:21 PM

Re:

One of my pyschology classes dealt with this; children at that age mix reality with what they imagine. The usual intent is not to hurt someone else, however. The best thing to do is to address that it is not the truth and that it is hurtful to others when you are not truthful. Reiterate that it did not happen and remind them of what actually happened. No, Johnny did not throw a toy at you. He dropped it and it fell on your foot. Remember to always tell the truth... then keep it moving! (Stay consistent and be sure to let the parents know how you are handling the behavior so they can reinforce at home) Good Luck!

**Angelsj** · 01-21-2013, 07:43 PM

To a large degree, this is normal for a 4yo. They are working on getting a grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality. Some kids have better imaginations than others.
When kids do this, I generally say, "Wow, you have a great imagination. How would you like to make up another story?"
You could then get them to create a story that you write down for them. If you get a chance, do this with all the kids. It is great fun. The kids can illustrate them and you can make little "books."
But the "truth stretcher" is getting a chance to tell stories. Gradually, you can help him see the difference between truth and "stories."
You can also play the "truth or make believe" game with the kids. "I saw a mouse with 16 eyes and 10 legs and it was purple." Is that truth, or make believe?

**daycare** · 01-21-2013, 08:58 PM

Originally posted by Angelsj

To a large degree, this is normal for a 4yo. They are working on getting a grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality. Some kids have better imaginations than others.
When kids do this, I generally say, "Wow, you have a great imagination. How would you like to make up another story?"
You could then get them to create a story that you write down for them. If you get a chance, do this with all the kids. It is great fun. The kids can illustrate them and you can make little "books."
But the "truth stretcher" is getting a chance to tell stories. Gradually, you can help him see the difference between truth and "stories."
You can also play the "truth or make believe" game with the kids. "I saw a mouse with 16 eyes and 10 legs and it was purple." Is that truth, or make believe?

this is a great idea........................

I love this idea...

we do tell stories all the time. I write down what they say and the kids draw pictures all of the time to go with it.

I think what really bothers me is that this kid is not just telling stories or saying lies. But lies that hurt others.

Last week I made a kid sit out of an activity, because I was told by the "story teller" that he kicked him in the privates. I was really shocked and said to the "story teller" why did they do that to you?? The other child was not of age to talk, and the "ST" knows this... Oh I felt so horrible when I later found the truth that DCK "ST" was not telling the truth.

DCK does it mostly to their own parents in hopes that I get into trouble as they love to see the parents question me.

My response has to be. I did not see it happen, but that does not mean that it did not happen because there is no way that I can possibly hear 100% of everything these kids say or do. I do have to go to the bathroom......

**Play Care** · 01-22-2013, 04:21 AM

You've gotten some great advice on how to handle it when it's happening. But I do think you need to be proactive and speak to the parents at pick up - let them know that at this age "telling stories" is developementally appropriate (true) but you've noticed that dc boy has been "telling stories" with the purpose of getting others in trouble and that this is something you are working on with him at dc and ask that they continue to work with him at home. Also - when questioned by parents I am always careful how I word things. I don't come out and say I didn't see something or get defensive and point out how busy I am or that I have needs too...because believe it or not that plays right into dc boys idea that he's getting you "in trouble." I might be more inclined to say to the parents "Oh boy, Tommy has really gotten into "story telling" lately and we are working on it. Have a good night!" as I bundle them out the door.

BUT if the parents are the type to believe their child could NEVER "tell stories" then I take a much harder line - "Tommy has been stretching the truth to get friends and me "in trouble." We have been working on this but if it doesn't stop I will have no choice but to end the child care arrangmenet." I did have a girl who was older who lied/made up stories, and eventually had to tell her parents I no longer had space for her in my dc.

Originally posted by daycare

this is a great idea........................

I love this idea...

we do tell stories all the time. I write down what they say and the kids draw pictures all of the time to go with it.

I think what really bothers me is that this kid is not just telling stories or saying lies. But lies that hurt others.

Last week I made a kid sit out of an activity, because I was told by the "story teller" that he kicked him in the privates. I was really shocked and said to the "story teller" why did they do that to you?? The other child was not of age to talk, and the "ST" knows this... Oh I felt so horrible when I later found the truth that DCK "ST" was not telling the truth.

DCK does it mostly to their own parents in hopes that I get into trouble as they love to see the parents question me.

My response has to be. I did not see it happen, but that does not mean that it did not happen because there is no way that I can possibly hear 100% of everything these kids say or do. I do have to go to the bathroom......

**coolconfidentme** · 01-22-2013, 06:51 AM

Does anyone timeout for lying to intentionally get another child in trouble? I do...

**Meeko** · 01-22-2013, 08:18 AM

Originally posted by coolconfidentme

Does anyone timeout for lying to intentionally get another child in trouble? I do...

I do too.

If they are old enough and smart enough to figure out a specific way to make trouble for another child, then they are old enough to understand it is not acceptable and that there are consequences.

I am a firm believer that the "flowers and smiles" approach is not always the best. I am very loving, but very firm. There are consequences to bad behavior. Welcome to real life.

**daycare** · 01-22-2013, 09:03 AM

in this article I read online it says that children don't really grasp what a lie is until the age of 6-7...

http://www.babycenter.com/0_lying-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_65462.bc

Constant Lying 4 yr Old

Constant Lying 4 yr Old

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