Good Behavior Gone Bad... (HELP!!!)

[coolconfidentme]

I have a 2 yr old DCG who is extremely bright & has always followed the rules with an occasional timeout. I recently had an increase in children & she is now incorrigible. I tell her not to do something & redirect her. The minute I turn my back, she does it anyway & then shakes her little bottom to the other kids. She looks over her shoulder beforehand to see if I’m watching her, so I feel it is deliberate behavior. Today she started breaking toys & hitting so I separated her from the other kids & wouldn’t let her in the main play room. I was trying to keep a closer eye on her while I cared for an infant. At one point, she felt I wasn’t looking so she ran in there & tried to break another toy while doing the bootie dance thing. I came up behind her & asked her what she was doing. She dropped the toy & pointed to the closest kid & said, “Him did it.” I was screaming inside, but I calmly took her hand & place her in timeout explaining why she was there. She is also very disruptive during nap-time & she has been sleeping in a different room for a few days now.

When her mother dropped her off today, I explained that I feared she may do something to the baby & she wasn’t allowed to touch any of the baby’s thing. Period. Her mother turned to her & said, “Did you hear that? Do NOT touch (pointing) the baby’s walker, playpen, swing or high chair!” As the DCM turned around to talk to me the DCG pushed the swing in motion while watching to make sure her her mom didn't see it. DCM was floored she did that with her standing right there. I said, “Welcome to my world.”

I fell she is trying to be the Alpha Kid to the newbie’s. I am VERY consisted & also make sure the child understands what they can/can’t do. In her case I made her tell me what she couldn’t do. She would tell me she couldn’t go in the playroom with the other kids & she could play with ‘these’ toys (pointing to a shelf of battery operated toys). She repeatedly tried to sneak in there & it’s exhausting watching & waiting for her to do something.

I told her mom today that if she was a new kid I would term her & she gets more of my time than an infant. I also asked for her to not bring her tomorrow because the kids & I could use a break. I also need to regroup & come up with a more structured plan to deal with her new found behavior. She agreed & texted me later apologizing again.

I am sooo open to any help. Please & thank you!!!!

[laundrymom]

She would get so much of my attention she would hate it. You are giving in to her cravings. Make her give in to yours. I would keep her at arms length at every moment. I stand she stands. I walk to kitchen she sits in kitchen.

This is a safety issue. If I can't trust you, I won't trust you.
You will be my shadow.

Oops sorry, no toys in kitchen. Oops sorry doorbell. Drop your toys. Ets ets.
Until I can trust you you will be my shadow.

[melilley]

It could be that she is trying to be the Alpha Kid and she wants to show them that she's been there before them and can do what she wants. Or she is jealous. You said that you got an increase in children so before this she had more of your attention. Now she is making you pay attention to her, but in a negative way, not that you aren't paying attention to her, but now there is more "competition". That way every time she does something wrong, you have to say something to her even if it's to put her in a timeout-negative attention. I would either do like laundrymom said and shadow her, or when she does something, ignore the bad behavior and turn and do something else and if she doesn't stop then do the timeout or what ever you do. It's kind of like the big sister/brother thing when a family has a baby when the other child is young also, they sometimes get jealous and act out. Congrats on getting the new kids by the way! You are the one that the church closed down right?

[MarinaVanessa]

She would get so much of my attention she would hate it. You are giving in to her cravings. Make her give in to yours. I would keep her at arms length at every moment. I stand she stands. I walk to kitchen she sits in kitchen.

This is a safety issue. If I can't trust you, I won't trust you.
You will be my shadow.

Oops sorry, no toys in kitchen. Oops sorry doorbell. Drop your toys. Ets ets.
Until I can trust you you will be my shadow.

This is what I would do too.

[cheerfuldom]

i agree...its negative attention seeking behavior. sounds like this group is just more than this one girl can handle. if you cant shadow her for safety reasons AND see some progress in a reasonable amount of time, then it may be best to let her go. her mom will have to find a smaller group. not every childcare is the right fit for every kid. and i have found that the longer a kid is in care with you, the more likely this stuff will happen. they get a familiarity with your home and see it as "theirs" and get territorial with new kids arriving....especially true of the kids that are there all day every day. I have a 2.5 year old that I have had since birth. she is like this for EVERY new addition to our group, including my own bio. children. I think she is a bit confused about the difference between my home and her home and even her mom and me sometimes the close attachment brings along its own issues.

[melilley]

i agree...its negative attention seeking behavior. sounds like this group is just more than this one girl can handle. if you cant shadow her for safety reasons AND see some progress in a reasonable amount of time, then it may be best to let her go. her mom will have to find a smaller group. not every childcare is the right fit for every kid. and i have found that the longer a kid is in care with you, the more likely this stuff will happen. they get a familiarity with your home and see it as "theirs" and get territorial with new kids arriving....especially true of the kids that are there all day every day. I have a 2.5 year old that I have had since birth. she is like this for EVERY new addition to our group, including my own bio. children. I think she is a bit confused about the difference between my home and her home and even her mom and me sometimes the close attachment brings along its own issues.

I agree with what you said. And the issue with parents getting upset because their child has a close attachment with their caregiver is a hard one. In the past I have had children cry when their parent would come to pick them up because they didn't want to leave or would hold out their arms to me while the parent is holding them. Some parents understand and like the feeling that they are leaving their child with someone who their child loves and others take it the wrong way and get jealous or defensive. I feel bad for the parents who get jealous and feel bad, but at the same time some of the children see us more during the week than their parent(s) and it is natural for the child to form an attachment, sometimes a very close attachment. Sorry I'm off track of the OP's question.