Back To Square 1 With Defiant Child Because I Made 1 Stupid Mistake

[BumbleBee]

When this kid (8) started it was rough. Only child, never been in dc, defiant 90% of the time & manipulative. We got through that and it's been relatively smooth for the last 2 months-until today.

Child flat out refused to pick up their toys before going to a new area. I informed the child that they may not leave the area until they picked up their toys and I walked away (could still see & hear child but was not hovering). Child again informed me that they would not be picking up their toys. I ignored. Child spent the next 45 minutes trying every which way to manipulate out of picking up. I continued to ignore.

Then she tells me she's glad my cat is dead. (I had to euthanise my cat on Saturday. She was 17 and I had her for 15 years-got her when I was 13.)

I responded instead of ignored. I told her that was enough and to pick up her toys NOW.

She smirked at me and proceeded to pick up her toys. Then sat at the table until pick up for her behavior. Yes, I did talk to her parents. Yes, they were appalled.

Now, we're back to square one. I screwed up 2 months of work with one stupid mistake. I'm still kicking myself and this happened 6 hours ago.

TGIF for sure.

[cheerfuldom]

how is this screwing up all that work?

yes you responded instead of ignoring but I dont think you did anything wrong. she obviously was happy in a warped way that she got your attention so i understand that that part wasnt good. however, addressing the issue by making her clean up, sit till pickup time, talk the parents and let this girl know that mean comments are not okay...are all good things you did!

you are being way too hard on yourself.

but my only other thought is that if getting an 8 year old to listen for basic instructions and refrain from hateful comments is still a problem after so many weeks, I dont understand why you are even dealing with it at this point. i would do three strikes and you are out. this cat comment was definitely a strike. i just hate to see providers struggling with kids week after week. there is only so much you can do with a kid that has years of bad habits.

[CozyHome]

Nonono, you shouldn't feel bad because you are trying to deal with a little Chuckie doll child!!!

However, I don't subscribe to ignoring bad behaviour. I deal with it every single time and right away. Children who push or harm their friends have to apologize. Children who don't use their manners are taught to use them. Children who are out of control get a time out and have to calm down then make amends to their friends.

I address problems as they occur, I don't ever ignore them and hope they will go away. My rules are zero tolerance for bad behaviour of any kind. Also, their parents are told about major problems at the end of the day and the parents are expected to talk to their child about their behaviour and urged to help out.

[Starburst]

She's lucky she's still there....

If it were me I would have termed on the spot and told her parents to pick her up now, if she said that about my pet (I am a big pet lover- I have 3 cats)! That is just out right rude and disrespectful and it seems that she is deliberately trying to disrespect you. At 8 she is old enough to know that is just wrong.

She is too old for time out (in my opinion) and also old enough (and apparently smart enough) to match past misbehaviors with a delayed punishment after the fact. The next day I would say she is not allowed to play with any of the toys since she didn't pick up her toys when asked the first time and for being rude/ disrespectful. I would say that she needs to just sit at a table and do her homework/read (possibly a snack and a bathroom break) until her parents get there. If she refused just make her sit at the table, she may try to cry to get her way but DO NOT give in. She needs to learn that playing with toys you provide for all of the children is a privilage not a right and in order to earn that privilage she needs to follow the rules. Afterwards tell her that the next time she comes over she can play with the toys but if this happens again she will not get to play with the toys for a long time. I would probably talk to the parents first to let them know and say that you are doing this as last resort because her behavior is getting worse and she is now using emotional manipulation.

IDK maybe it does seem a little extream but I tend to expect more from children over the age of 6 or 7- and have very little pacience for older kids who are purpousfuly disrespectful and extreamly low tolerence for bullies. Because honestly this child does have bully tendancies.

[Heidi]

Does this child show any remorse later for such things?

I think you handled in just fine. I assume by ignoring you mean you were ignoring her barbs at the time? She was trying to "get your goat?"

I'd continue to do that, but would definately agree that she should loose privileges for behaving that way. But, I also think you should talk to her honestly and kindly when she is not mad at you.

I feel kind of bad for her...poor little brat. and for you....but I'd be wondering WHY she's like that?