When To Tell Child They Are Going To A New Daycare

[blandino]

We have an almost 4 yo DCG who has been here since she was 18 months. For family financial & time reasons (mom had twins in Oct, and is driving quite a while to come to us - and needs to find a daycare where they can afford to place all 3 children). She gave us a 3.5 week notice before Christmas break - but said she was waiting to tell DCG until it got closer, which I completely understood.

However, her last day is Friday and DCG (very bright, very into order and routine, and very aware of surroundings) still doesn't know she is leaving. DCM said she would tell her Wens or Thurs. and DCM asked of they could bring a special treat on her last day.

Obviously DCG is her child, and I would never tell the child she was leaving, but to me - I dont think this is enough notice for the child. Especially since she has been here so long...

I was just curious what everyone else thought... Or if you had either positive or negative experiences with this same situation...

[countrymom]

I think one week is plenty. But I would let the girl know that she is going to school instead of daycare. At that age they all get excited about school, telling her that she is going to another daycare is hard because she's not going to understand this.

[Heidi]

Maybe the next couple days is a good time to talk about changes like going to school, etc. Sort of talk about the subject without specifically saying that anyone is leaving. Talk about how exciting it is to find new friends, how sad it can be to say goodbye to old ones, etc.

[blandino]

I think one week is plenty. But I would let the girl know that she is going to school instead of daycare. At that age they all get excited about school, telling her that she is going to another daycare is hard because she's not going to understand this.

That's exactly what I thought. I thought it would be appropriate to give her a weeks notice and tell her on Monday.

Yes, school would be exciting for her. However that could really confuse her, since she is leaving a preschool environment and going to a friend of the family who watches children out of her home (more of a SAHM environment).

[wdmmom]

I really don't feel it's the responsibility of the provider to educate the child about this. (For several reasons.)

I really think it's overstepping boundaries. The mom can tell her when the mom is ready to tell her.

You telling dcg could present anger. The last thing you want is dcg tattling on dcm to you about her not coming anymore. It could really cause leaving to be on bad terms.

Dcg may not understand or present you with questions you can't answer.

I also never tell other attending children or families of a child leaving. The last thing I want or need is Johnny's mom thinking Johnny and Joe are best friends and find out Joe is leaving (for whatever reason) and feeling the need to follow Joe where ever he goes.

One child's enrollment should not be dependent on another child's enrollment. Make sense?

[blandino]

I really don't feel it's the responsibility of the provider to educate the child about this. (For several reasons.)

I really think it's overstepping boundaries. The mom can tell her when the mom is ready to tell her.

You telling dcg could present anger. The last thing you want is dcg tattling on dcm to you about her not coming anymore. It could really cause leaving to be on bad terms.

Dcg may not understand or present you with questions you can't answer.

I also never tell other attending children or families of a child leaving. The last thing I want or need is Johnny's mom thinking Johnny and Joe are best friends and find out Joe is leaving (for whatever reason) and feeling the need to follow Joe where ever he goes.

One child's enrollment should not be dependent on another child's enrollment. Make sense?

I wasn't even remotely contemplating telling the child myself. I just thought it was odd of the mother to put it off for so long, and hoping that it doesn't wind up being a decision that scars the child. As you said, it is not any of my responsibility. I was just posting about how odd I found it to only give her two days to understand before she is somewhere else.

[daycarediva]

I had a dcb leave for financial reasons (lost their home and moved in with gma). They waited to tell him (he was almost 4 and had been here since he was 6 weeks) until the day before leaving. That Friday he LOST it. It took both of his parents and me to pry his little fingers off of my neck. He tried to grab each of his little friends, his favorite toys, etc. BAD idea on Mom's part but it isn't my place to say ANYTHING.

He was going from my house/prek setting to staying at home with a very elderly grandmother.

[blandino]

I had a dcb leave for financial reasons (lost their home and moved in with gma). They waited to tell him (he was almost 4 and had been here since he was 6 weeks) until the day before leaving. That Friday he LOST it. It took both of his parents and me to pry his little fingers off of my neck. He tried to grab each of his little friends, his favorite toys, etc. BAD idea on Mom's part but it isn't my place to say ANYTHING.

He was going from my house/prek setting to staying at home with a very elderly grandmother.

That sounds a lot like my DCG, same age and everything. I just don't imagine it going well. She is SUCH a routine child, and is very bonded with me as well as her friends. I am just hoping for the best at this time.

[wdmmom]

I've had parents never tell their kids. It's all in the hands of the parent. We don't have a party or anything (unless I've had the child from birth to kindy). Its just another day. Usually a bit sadder for the provider though.

I think the parents that don't say anything for fear of a tantrum, questions or having to deal with the tears and sadness that may be associated.

Just give her a big hug and if you have the room, offer to watch her if dcm may need you to fill in sometime.