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My one dcb that is 2 (will be 3 in March) is driving me nuts. His grandma brings him 4 days a week and every single time he has a complete meltdown. I think that his parents and grandma just baby him beyond belief. I can see her in the driveway in the car and she is obviously giving him a psych session in the car before she even gets out of the driver seat. then she goes and gets him out of the car and he wants to be carried. She picks him up, carries him to the door, sets him down and knocks. I opened the door this morning and he was crying, looking at her and motioning for her to pick him up because he didnt' want to walk in. I took his hands and guided him in while saying that "you know how to walk up the steps, come on in". She walked in behind him and started taking his shoes off as if he can't do it. He puts them on and takes them off just fine for me. All the while he's crying and clinging to her. We've done the "pass" also at the door where she doesn't come in at all and just hands him off. Any suggestions? I want to just start putting him in time out when he acts like that, but I want it to be a happy transition. I feel if he knows he's going to go to timeout, he'll act worse. Again, he's almost 3. Any thoughts? Thanks!
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I wouldn't make it a timeout. I'd have grandma hand him in the door and leave. No matter what he's acting like, I'd smile brightly (fake it if you have to) and say "Oh, dcb, I am so happy to see you today. Please sit down and take off your things, and then come play!" Then, walk away. Let him scream, lay there, whine, whatever. His choice. If he tries to leave the designated area, just say sweetly "oh, you forgot to take your shoes off", and lead him back. No matter what he does, do not give him ANY attention for the behavior.
Once he calms down, then say "oh, I'm happy you're ready to play now" and give him a smile/hug".
Having a really fun activity ready when he gets there couldn't hurt either. When he leaves at the end of the day, you could say "Hey, when you come back tommorow, we are going to...." Then, have it ready when he gets there, and make sure everyone is having LOTS of silly fun doing it when he gets there.
I guess you've already tried the "let's run to the window and wave to Grandma" thing. I have had a few that responded well to that. Grandma has to be onboard to walk S L O W L Y to her car and then give big, exagerated waves and smiles. -
Do you think grandma would be receptive to any constructive criticism?
ie - "I'm wondering if you could help me out with some concerns I'm having about dcb. All of my other two year old's walk themselves to the door, take off their shoes and coats and hang them up, and start their day off here with a smile on their face. I'm worried that dcb is persistent about being carried, and needing help with some of those basic skills like taking off his own shoes. I definitely think it's hindering his transitions. I was wondering if you would be willing to encourage him a bit. Let him know he's a big boy and is plenty old enough to be doing these things himself. The more confident he is the easier I think it'll be for him to cope with the separation."
Sometimes parents (and grandparents, friends etc) get hung up on babying a child not because they mean to, but because it can be hard to forward think. I can't tell you how many parents will see a child do something here only to have the lightbulb go off and exclaim "Oh my gosh! I had no idea she could do that! I never even thought to let her try!"Comment
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I've done the bolded part and did it for awhile and didn't work. Also let him be my "helper" the next day. That worked once. I haven't done the go to the window routine, but feel like he would probably just stand there and cry. Usually he only cries about a minute at best, but it's just irritating.Comment
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I think that grandma gets just as frustratd as I do with him and luckily she makes the dropoff really fast, but I don't see her changing that at all. I am going to say something about her coming in and taking off his shoes and coat. I will tell her that we're working on all of the kids doing that for themselves and he CAN do it, he does it when we go out in the afternoon. I think so many parents/grandparents do it for the kids because it's faster ya know? The topper is how lately she sits out in the car and "talks" to him. UGH! I think it's playing right into his behavior. I think the best thing is to drive up, get out, walk him to the door and go. The less attention given is better in my opinion.Comment
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I have this child as well, same exact age, 3 at the end of Feb.
I don't care what the parents do when they are here as far as helping their kids. I focus on getting the parents on the road so that their kid can start their day.
The kid I have does this every Monday or every time he has some time away from the daycare, holidays, vacations, illness.
He literally screams for 2+hours. Not cry, scream there is nothing that anyone can do to get him to stop. Since he is here for breakfast, I have him sit at this own table to eat so that it does not upset the other kids. He will sit there until he is done screaming. I won't even go near him. I pay no attention...
At home this child is never told NO. It takes him a few days to remember that I do say no and that I am the boss...Comment
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Oh no if it was 20 minutes he would simply be put in his bed and he could come out when he calmed down. I know it's not long at all, but sometimes it gets other kids going you know what I mean? Plus, it's just ridiculous that at almost 3, he's doing it at all. He comes here more than anyone else 4 out of 5 days. Enough already. Tired of the crying and limp legs and being carried like a little infant. He needs to "man up" LOL!Comment
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OMG, I would shoot myself LOL! This kid is never told no either. Since the day he was born, he would cry every couple of hours during the night so that mom and dad would come and put him in bed with them. They didn't want him waking his older brother up. To this day he doesn't sleep all night. they either go and lay on the floor by him in his room or take him to their room.Comment
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it does drive everyone here nuts. some of the other kids have a hard time with it too, but since it only happens here and there, I don't stress about it too much. I have actually learned to turn it off.
I don't buy into it at all...
what gets me is how he hits and kicks his parents during drop off and pick up. They don't really say too much. But I think that is because they are embarrassed to say anything in front of me. I have no issues saying what I need to say. But I normally walk away. I try to have their shoes and jacket on ready to go when its pick up.
I would just do the same. Let grannie do her thing, get the kid in and carry on with your day. If the kid is sad, help them draw a pic for a loved one so that it will make them feel better or take their mind off of being sad...Comment
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Although I think that Grandma's "pep talks" are done with good intentions of preparing the child for daycare if they are too long and she is having a "discussion" with him about it I think this alone could be triggering his "tantrums". This is attention after all. But I wouldn't say anything about this to grandma, what family does with their own family members is no concern of mine ... but I would however go back to instant "passing" of the child and say something along the lines of what Willow said earlier.
You can even point our that a main focus of yours in daycare is to encourage independence in preparation to when he starts school and that he removes hos coat and shoes all by himself just fine for you. Just say that at daycare you want to avoid him thinking that someone will do this for him and making this a habit.
The child is crying and this is normal and although you can't stop it you can simply just shorten the length of time that the child is stressed.Comment
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I would be having grandma pass him to me and then let him get his feelings out in the entryway until he wants to calm down and take his stuff off. I don't give tantrums attention and if he is only crying for a minute, then definetly nothing to worry about. Sometimes I get a kid that gets upset in the morning plus does not want me to comfort or talk to them. So I just let them work out their feelings and they join when they are ready.
As for the one who screams for 2 hours, uh uh, that would not be happening here. I would only tolerate it for maybe a half hour and then would be calling the parents to pick up. I'm not going to let my other kiddos have to listen to that for long, especially if it is just a tantrum. It's not fair to them, especially everytime the kiddo gets dropped off. Not a way to start the days.lovethis daymommy to 7 kiddos - 5 girls and 2 boysComment
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I have a little 3 year old girl who is also very clingy and acts babyish as well, she acts like she can't take off her jacket or shoes. So before we went out i took pics of her putting everything on by herself and texted to mom, I also send her articles about independence that I receive. If anyone wants these pm me. I am now doing the quick drop off and pick up at the door...I am tired of the elongated drop offs ....when she tells me "I want mommy..." I say "I know how you feel I want my mommy too"
an tha pretty much quiets her
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As for the one who screams for 2 hours, uh uh, that would not be happening here. I would only tolerate it for maybe a half hour and then would be calling the parents to pick up. I'm not going to let my other kiddos have to listen to that for long, especially if it is just a tantrum. It's not fair to them, especially everytime the kiddo gets dropped off. Not a way to start the days.
it does not happen very often as I had said. it happens when the child is gone out of their routine. like taking vacations, holidays, or illness.
The only reason that I dont send him home, is because this is exactly what he wants and then I would be giving him what he wants after screaming...No way... I tell him, I don't care if you cry, I understand if you are upset, but you cannot scream. well that does no good, so I just state that once and then walk away.....
It will be over before we all know it and things will be back to normal...Comment
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