How Would You Deal With This 3 Year Old?

[PolkaTots]

I recently enrolled a 3yo DCG PT...she refuses to take a nap, although it is my policy that anyone under 5 is required to have a rest period, her mother keeps telling her it's ok if she doesn't want to take one, and to just go play quietly. I do not allow any type of play during rest time, as the other children see this and want to get up. If they want to read a book on thier nap cot, I will allow that though. I have tried to get her lay on her cot, and she throws a huge tantrum, not allowing anyone else to nap.

Here is how yesterday went:
(at 1pm)"DCG, it's time for rest time."
"No, my mommy said I don't have to lay down."
"DCG, you don't have to rest, but you do need to stay on your cot so we don't wake the others. You can grab a book if you'd like."

She did go and lay on her cot, but then proceeded for the next 15 minutes to keep talking to the other children, and messing with their nap cots so they would respond to her. I gave her 2 warnings, and then removed her from the room (play area and sleeping area are seperated by a partition, so everyone was still in view. Once moved to the other area, she kicked her cot over, threw her blanket and pillow across the room, and threw a wild tantrum on the floor. I waited about 15 minutes to see if she would calm down, and she didn't. I tried to talk to her to calm her down, and finally resorted to having her sit in the calm down chair. I told her as soon as she made the choice to calm down, she could get down, but I still expected her to be quiet. She sat in the chair and was thrashing around and yelling, "I hate you, I hate your house! You're not the boss, my mommy is the boss!" This continued for some time...and finally tapered off about 3pm (which was also her pick up time). I did discuss with her mom how she acted, and she told her to just go to the play area and play quietly. To which I responded, I do require rest time for everyone, which she knows Needless to say, the infants, toddlers, and preschoolers did not even take nap...which made for some pretty crabby kiddos

Although she is a pretty good little girl during up time, rest time is just unbearable. Would you continue to work with this child...or just term since you are still in the trial period?

[laundrymom]

I'm sorry, those are your mommys rules. She's not the boss here. Lay down now.

[Willow]

I would stop trying to work it with the child altogether. Without mom on board with your rules there is no way this will get better.

Talk to mom directly, these are my rules, this is why I need everyone to follow them, I need you to be supportive so we can remedy this nap time issue promptly. If she doesn't agree and has no plans to back you up then be prepared to have the "or else you need to move on" conversation.

[Lilbutterflie]

If it were me, I would probably term over this if it continued.

I would let her know that your program is not a good fit for them since you require that each child lay on their cots to rest during rest time. She is being extremely disruptive to the rest of the group, and therefore they are not taking their naps either. The other part of this is that it's the first red flag to you that mom expects "special" for her child. She seems to understand that ALL of the other children have to rest; but expects you to allow her child to play instead. Definitely NOT someone you want to have long term in your program!!

[MamaBearCanada]

The real problem isn't the girl it's the mom. The mother is telling her (indirectly) that she doesn't have to follow your rules. Your house your rules, but if the mom isn't on board with that and thinks that exceptions should be made for her daughter then I doubt this will be the last issue you have.

I'd talk to the mom and tell her nicely that everyone needs to lie on their mat during rest time and that she needs to help her daughter understand that. If she starts to argue make it clear that this issue, like all your rules, is not up for debate. They follow the rules or they leave.

[SilverSabre25]

This is not something to address with the child, this is definitely something to address with the parent, and I have a feeling that you are going to have to term to deal with it.

The most important thing to enforce with mom is "Your house, your rules!" She does NOT get to dictate the way things are at your house. If a parent came in here and told their child that they could just go play instead of laying down like I told them, I would be livid.

"Dcm, we're having a problem here. It is not at all appropriate for you to tell dcg that she can disobey me and go play when she's supposed to be laying on her cot. My rule is that children don't have to sleep, but they do have to stay on their cot. If you keep encouraging dcg to disobey that rule, I'm going to let you go because I can't work with parents who won't work with me."

[Heidi]

I would call mom out on this. Call her after hours when the child is not in earshot, and explain that in your program, ALL children are required to have a rest period. You might get a little empathy if you try the "surely you understand that with 8 children here, everyone, me included, needs a break."

As for napping, it's the "you can lead a horse to water..". You are not forcing anyone to sleep, but they do need to rest.

I personally would give her a nap spot in a far corner of the house (is there a hallway that is fairly dark nearby?" Set her up there with 3 books (you are 3, so you get to pick 3 books). If she is quiet, she can keep her books, otherwise no books. When she shows you that she can be quiet, then she can rest with her friends. Otherwise, she needs to have her own place to rest.

As for toys, I do allow older children to have a quiet toy to sleep with. One of my boys sleeps every day with 3 or 4 wooden trains. He is not a stuffed animal guy, but he lays down happily cuddling his trains. Some of the kids would go pick a stuffed animal or doll. For my 4 yo's, they got a little box of quiet choices (books, a few toys, maybe a handheld game for preschoolers, or a story reader with headphones) and a seperate spot. Sometimes they slept, sometimes they didn't. But, they were happy and quiet for up to 3 hours!

But, that is not your policy, so I'm not saying change it. It's just what's worked for me.

[youretooloud]

WOW! I would never allow a parent who thought she could dictate our rules. If she said that in front of me, i'd step in right away so mom can hear it.

I'd also put her cot in an area that the other kids can't see or hear her.

That's like saying "You don't have to eat miss Kathy's lunch, she can make you something else".

[Heidi]

WOW! I would never allow a parent who thought she could dictate our rules. If she said that in front of me, i'd step in right away so mom can hear it.

I'd also put her cot in an area that the other kids can't see or hear her.

That's like saying "You don't have to eat miss Kathy's lunch, she can make you something else".

[PolkaTots]

I do allow a quiet toy or lovie for children over 12 months to sleep with...however, I do not allow them to get up to play freely in the play area or to have toys that make noise at rest time. (ie. talking dolls)

I would call mom out on this. Call her after hours when the child is not in earshot, and explain that in your program, ALL children are required to have a rest period. You might get a little empathy if you try the "surely you understand that with 8 children here, everyone, me included, needs a break."

As for napping, it's the "you can lead a horse to water..". You are not forcing anyone to sleep, but they do need to rest.

I personally would give her a nap spot in a far corner of the house (is there a hallway that is fairly dark nearby?" Set her up there with 3 books (you are 3, so you get to pick 3 books). If she is quiet, she can keep her books, otherwise no books. When she shows you that she can be quiet, then she can rest with her friends. Otherwise, she needs to have her own place to rest.

As for toys, I do allow older children to have a quiet toy to sleep with. One of my boys sleeps every day with 3 or 4 wooden trains. He is not a stuffed animal guy, but he lays down happily cuddling his trains. Some of the kids would go pick a stuffed animal or doll. For my 4 yo's, they got a little box of quiet choices (books, a few toys, maybe a handheld game for preschoolers, or a story reader with headphones) and a seperate spot. Sometimes they slept, sometimes they didn't. But, they were happy and quiet for up to 3 hours!

But, that is not your policy, so I'm not saying change it. It's just what's worked for me.

[PolkaTots]

WOW! I would never allow a parent who thought she could dictate our rules. If she said that in front of me, i'd step in right away so mom can hear it.

I'd also put her cot in an area that the other kids can't see or hear her.

That's like saying "You don't have to eat miss Kathy's lunch, she can make you something else".

I did move her cot to the other room, which is out of sight to the other children (I can still see her), but it is not possible for her to be out of earshot. Per registration guidelines, (Level B in Iowa) I must operate on one level of my home and I must be able to view all children under 1 and hear all children over 1 at nap time...her tantrum was so loud, there was no place in my home I could move her where she would not be heard.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I honestly don't think some parents take the time to think how a daycare providers day is if there are not strict rules. They only see their little "prince or princess" as the main focus and don't realize if they are not laying quietly than it disrupts all the other kids.

Some parents don't see it as a big deal if their child doesn't want to nap and are playing quietly, but in reality it IS a big deal because like you said all the other kids see one child playing quietly so they think it is ok for them to do the same, then all of a sudden instead of quiet naptime you get a handful of kids playing "quietly" which then becomes loudly and in the end you have NO naptime for anyone which equals a bunch of cranky kids.

I don't know exactly how you explained it to the mom but try to role play it for her like I just explained so she can envision it and then she will see that playing quietly is a big deal in the daycare setting.

If she doesn't get it and continues to tell her daughter she doesn't have to lay down, it's time to move on.

[ashleyh]

This reminds me of one we worked with awhile - Mom was inadvertently telling DCG not to follow rules although she had be told it was state law she must lay down because she "didn't see why they state should be able to tell a parent what to do"

So with another assistant watching the kids I would leave with DCG to the back porch, let her throw her fit and told her the rules here are to lay down. After a while of throwing fits and not getting the other kids on board/attention with her it lessened.

[countrymom]

doesn't sound like mom is on board. This is where I would tell the little girl that this is your house and this is your rule. I don't require children at that age to sleep but I do require them to rest and be quiet. If the child acts the same way again, I would call mom to come and get her. Tell her that she is so disruptive that the other children can't rest and that their parents are very angry because they have to deal with grumpy children.

[Heidi]

I once heard someone equate family daycare to having a birthday party in your home for 8 children, 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, with no other parents there to help.

I wonder, how would mom feel about doing that...and no one has a nap, ever???