Would You Call This A Red Flag?

[Blackcat31]

Although I have had situations in the past where families declined care and choose someone else only to end up coming back to me and a lot of them worked out for the positive, I really honestly think in this situation that your instincts are "yelling" at you for a reason.

While we don't know ALL the details and don't know you or thid family IRL, or anything more than what you are stating, I think the underlying theme here is your gut instincts and based on your posts, they are talking and talking pretty loudly so I vote listen to them.

If something feels "off", it usually is.

[countrymom]

ok, something isn't right. Did she even go and meet this lady. Because wouldn't you notice that she didn't have alot of toys. I assume the provider told her about the teenager (which I'm assuming is her daughter), my doors are unlocked at drop of too.

I would call the other provider, something is fishy. Really the things she discribed are petty things and really don't warrent for leaving.

[blandino]

I would say that all of those sound like things that happen at most daycares. We don't have a teenager, but when my 21 year old younger brother (background checked, & listed as staff) is home from college, he definitely keeps an eye on the kids while I cook or go to the bathroom. I guess the one that stands out to me is how concerned she is that her 17 month old is clinging to her at drop off. IMHO that is the absolutely hardest age (12-24 months) to start a new daycare. They are old enough to know that mom is leaving and they are in a new place, but too young to have anything explained or at least to comprehend it. Most of the time at that age we expect a month of crying at drop off (have had some do it for up to 2 months).

As far as the toys go - I would think she would have seen that when she interviewed ?!?

I would agree about the instincts - if it seems off, don't do it. Every time we have gone against our instincts we have regretted it.

[blandino]

I guess I would just go over all of her concerns and explain each one.

1. You can expect a transition period of up to (and sometimes over a month). It doesn't mean your child is miserable all day at daycare. Your child will probably do that in my care too, rest assured it will subside. Etc....

2. Nothing to be said about toys

3. Not sure how she feels misled ?

4. Your doors are also unlocked during drop off & pick up times. But are locked the rest of the day (if they are ?!?)

5. Sometimes you allow your neice to chane diapers... Etc.

I would just thoroughly explain all of her areas of concern. It sounds to me like she doesn't have a very good understanding of how a daycare needs to operate and maybe with a thorough understanding she would be more comfortable at your daycare. You would be surprised the number of parents who have told me "I never thought about it from your point", when I explain my reasonings for how/why I do things.

[Mommy2One]

Trust your gut but I have a slightly different view of the parent's actions and responses than most of the other replies.

When I went back to work, my employer wanted me to start very quickly. We lined up 4 interviews in a two day period. We met a provider who my husband and I both instantly liked and had a great interview with but later that day we met another provider that also seemed like a good fit. After weighing the pros and cons of both, we ended selecting Provider #2 because it was a very low ratio and we liked the way she got down on the floor and played with our daughter and seemed very friendly.

We sent an email to Provider #1 thanking her for taking the time to meet with us and how much we liked her program, etc. but that we'd made another choice.

At the end of two weeks my husband and I both were getting a feeling that we'd made the wrong decision as we interacted with Provider #2 more and noticed small things at drop off and pick up that we weren't super comfortable/happy with (amount of TV time, security of the front door, etc.). Thankfully Provider #1 still had an opening and was willing to accept our daughter - we ended up having a great 10 month relationship with her that only ended when a family emergency left her unable to provide childcare services anymore.

Long story short, there was nothing "wrong" with us, or even a significant issue (like neglect, abuse) with Provider #2 - we were just inexperienced at interviewing providers and things we thought were super important (low ratio) ended up being less important than things like professionalism and maturity of the caretaker. If Provider #1 had asked for a list of reasons why we left Provider #2, I'm sure it would have seemed very petty - there wasn't a single big issue or event and any one, or even two or three of the little things that made us uncomfortable wouldn't have been a problem by itself. It was just a general gut feeling from a bunch of tiny clues that maybe she wasn't as mature/competent/capable of handling an emergency as we would like someone caring for our child to be and given that my husband and I were both gradually reaching that same conclusion without comparing notes along the way solidified it for us.

[Meyou]

My teens help out especially in the summer but I'm very clear at the interview level that this happens so parents can opt out before they opt in and don't like something.

I personally get the feeling that this is a super nervous first time mom and if you take the time to explain everything clearly and make sure she knows to ask you if she feels off about something it may work out just fine.

Most parents wouldn't know that a 17 month old is probably going to scream like a banshee at dropoffs for the first little bit. But if mom and dad know and are prepared for the screaming it's not nearly so big an issue. If they arent' prepared that could be quite upsetting. You know how they can scream at that age if they want to.

Sometimes as providers I think we assume a little too much about parental knowledge. There are alot of them out there that are barely surviving and really don't know what to do for certain things or most things. :: What we see as "red flags" are just sometimes clueless moms and dads trying to make it work with what they feel is ok. With a little more info they can have a totally different outlook on parenting.