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I Could Use Prayers
I am a regular poster on here and I could use prayers. I feel overwhelmed in the evenings and lonely.
Right before Christmas I discovered that my husband had numerous affairs with strangers from Craigslist over the course of the 4 months we had been trying to conceive another baby. I have recurrent pregnancy loss and had my 3rd loss in March so we had decided to try again in August. When I went to the bank to switch money over into a different account "just in case" I discovered that there really wasn't any money to switch over. Enough to pay my mortgage bill which was due, but that was it. I also learned that all of the bills were paid late. So late that the word "foreclosure" was beginning to appear in mailings I just found this past summer. I was devastated. I struggled with control over money and thought turning it over to my husband would demonstrate being a trusting, submitting wife. I had no idea it could ruin my credit and lead to so many bills not being paid on time.
On December 23 I learned that I was pregnant and I cried. I cried heavily before I went to Church and it took me 3 hours to feel not only okay about the baby but joy, which was a new feeling for me since we've been trying to have a baby for over a year now. My teenager was horrified and not happy. He still isn't happy. He's angry about his father's choices and the lies he was told. We are a conservative Christian family. It threw him for a loop and he is still processing.
I am happy to have the job I have. I feel like it is a great blessing and a source of great joy for me. I have been on vacation and will be starting back up again shortly and I am very excited!
I am fine from morning until night but once 8:00/9:00pm hits I feel sad. Not depressed, but a deep sadness about the marriage I lost, the best friend I thought I had who lied to me, and an uneasy/scared feeling. I never anticipated being a single mom. I cry out to God for my aching heart to find the peace and comfort I feel during the daytime hours. I'm learning to be okay with being alone. I'm learning how to do everything on my own and celebrating the small victories (like paying all of the bills on time). I'm learning that life will and does go on. But, in the meantime I would appreciate any prayers that could be said for my family right now.
Right before Christmas I discovered that my husband had numerous affairs with strangers from Craigslist over the course of the 4 months we had been trying to conceive another baby. I have recurrent pregnancy loss and had my 3rd loss in March so we had decided to try again in August. When I went to the bank to switch money over into a different account "just in case" I discovered that there really wasn't any money to switch over. Enough to pay my mortgage bill which was due, but that was it. I also learned that all of the bills were paid late. So late that the word "foreclosure" was beginning to appear in mailings I just found this past summer. I was devastated. I struggled with control over money and thought turning it over to my husband would demonstrate being a trusting, submitting wife. I had no idea it could ruin my credit and lead to so many bills not being paid on time.
On December 23 I learned that I was pregnant and I cried. I cried heavily before I went to Church and it took me 3 hours to feel not only okay about the baby but joy, which was a new feeling for me since we've been trying to have a baby for over a year now. My teenager was horrified and not happy. He still isn't happy. He's angry about his father's choices and the lies he was told. We are a conservative Christian family. It threw him for a loop and he is still processing.
I am happy to have the job I have. I feel like it is a great blessing and a source of great joy for me. I have been on vacation and will be starting back up again shortly and I am very excited!
I am fine from morning until night but once 8:00/9:00pm hits I feel sad. Not depressed, but a deep sadness about the marriage I lost, the best friend I thought I had who lied to me, and an uneasy/scared feeling. I never anticipated being a single mom. I cry out to God for my aching heart to find the peace and comfort I feel during the daytime hours. I'm learning to be okay with being alone. I'm learning how to do everything on my own and celebrating the small victories (like paying all of the bills on time). I'm learning that life will and does go on. But, in the meantime I would appreciate any prayers that could be said for my family right now.
I'll be thinking about you and your son and your new bundle. ((hugs))
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