WWYD: Parent Threats and Terming

[allieannarbor]

Hello All, I am venting and calling upon your wisdom...

I have a boy, just turned 4, who has some behavioral issues that have been brought up by other parents. They have reached out to me with concerns of potty talk, teasing, pushing, snatching toys... all those preschool bullying behaviors that are not desirable but also not extreme. We responded to their concerns and this child is always with a teacher (there are 3 of us and 16 kids) and has not been unsupervised. ALWAYS with a teacher.

We are on winter break, a parent contacted me this morning with accusations that this boy inappropriately touched their 2 1/2 year old. She is not particularly verbal, she has not been at school for over two weeks because of the holidays, we have made no observation of any such behavior. I contacted DHS as a mandatory reporter, they closed this case on screening because of their ages, there is little information, so on. Also talked with my licensor.

My issue is this family insists the child not be allowed to return, they want his contract terminated. When I seemed to be wavering the mother threatened to contact all of my families and ask if their little girl was inappropriately touched (she said it in a much vulgar manner). We seem to be being blackmailed, have huge concerns about what other actions they might take... we are terming the other family?!

WWYD?!

[countrymom]

call your liscensor and ask them. Remember its a paper trail. Tell them that the mom has now threatened to contact the other parents. Sounds like mom has a problem with this kid and wants him removed no matter what.

[Hunni Bee]

I would let the accusing family go. You've done what you were supposed to, DHS did what they do, and you have no evidence that this incident occurred other than the accusations of these parents. I wonder how they determined that this happened if their child doesn't talk much, but I imagine they must be very upset. However, you have little reason kick the other child based on what you have told us here.

The child may have been exhibiting some undesirable behaviors,but as you said they were not extreme and you have taken steps to stop the behaviors. I would not term him based on thr demands of this family or their threats.

If the girls family does not wish to leave, I would advise them to check with DHS if they feel the findings were incorrect, but that the other child will not be termed at this time and that the threats and abusive language must stop.

If they do leave, I would contact licensing and DHS and advise them of the situation, and also seek legal advice about preventing her from contacting your other families.

Im sorry this is happening.

[allieannarbor]

Hunni Bee you have really helped myself (and my husband) collect our thoughts. We are setting up a game plan that involves connecting with our licensor (she was out today and I spoke with the CCD manager) and then doing as you say. I worry about slander and possible legal recourse but it would be wrong to submit to what is essentially blackmail.

Very stressful.

[MamaG]

You're doing the right thing, good luck and keep us posted if you can.

[allieannarbor]

We informed the boy's family of the situation and are disappointed to report that due to concerns (valid) that their child will be villianized they will not be returning to our program,

Do I make any communication with our other families? There is no particular incident to report rather a family observed their daughter self-touching, were shocked and upset by this behavior and a boy they have taken issue with previously was named in association with the behavior. While we have no incident to address if something occurs with 4, 3, 2 year olds it falls under normalized sexual behavior. We took the appropriate recourse by contacting licensing and DHS with their claim and DHS closed the case on screening.

The girl's family is essentially getting their way with the boy leaving, but in our communication today we want to inform them that it would not be our policy to term a family based on concerns and complaints as a first response. How do I word it that it is unacceptable and inappropriate for them to speak of this situation with other families?

When we worded our contract we had not read Tom Copeland's advice about "at will termination" so unfortunately this year our contract is not worded in a way to term the family. We can offer to "release" them and hope that they move on... but feeling quite sick to my stomach at the idea of continuing a relationship with this family. We could release them with reference to their concerns over our supervision plan, "since you are uncomfortable we understand that you will be leaving...." ? Stuck!

[countrymom]

well that stinks. hmm, my concern would be that they may pull this stunt again and again accuse another child. I think I would term that family too, they threatened you, your business and other families and who knows what else they would have done.

[MarinaVanessa]

This is definitively a tough one . Personally because you followed all proper protocol and contacted all of the necessary people and there were no sound findings from DHS there is no proof that this one child did anything at all I don't think that you are really obligated to term the boy. You also mentioned that this child was always supervised. It's unfortunate and I can understand that this parent is upset and I have no doubt that this parent strongly believes that her child was touched improperly however because there is no proof I don't see how you can be asked to let the other child go.

If anything even if DHS would have found that this boy did touch the girl inappropriately and this parent were to have said the same things (language, blackmailing etc.) I would have let both families go. The boy for obvious reasons and the girl because of the mother's behavior.

The mom is upset and is lashing out ... I STRONGLY urge you to not only contact DHS and licensing again but also an attorney. After speaking to DHS and licensing make sure you take notes and take them with you to your attorney. Perhanps your attorney can also come back to your DC and you can set up a meeting with the parents of the child to discuss her request of the boys termination even if the case was closed, her language and behavior and the legality of her contacting the other parents to share personal information about the other client. I really think that damage control is needed here and that DCM needs to realize that without proof there's nothing for you to do.

One thing that I thought about is that if I were in DCM's shoes with the same outcome and I really believed that my child was touched inappropriately at daycare I personally wouldn't want to have my child attend that daycare anymore. I would pull my child, not have the other child booted. I mean, if I really though it happened why would I want to keep my child at a daycare that allowed this to happen because the children weren't being supervised properly. Not saying it happened and not saying that I think that you don't supervise the kids properly, you sound like you're on top of everything and you did the right things by initiating the proper calls and being cooperative. I'm just thinking about it from the parent's perspective and it jut doesn't make sense to me.