Quite Upset With A Fellow Provider :(

[Unregistered]

(signed out for privacy reasons) I would consider this other provider and I good friends. I helped her out a lot to get started about a year ago, and we chat on pretty regular basis. I have a very good crew, I have learned to be pretty selective about the families I enroll over these last 5 years. This other provider is still working out the kinks to get the crew she wants. Our rates are comprable, even though I've obtained hundereds of training hours, including ChildNet certification, and being QRS Rated 2. Our homes are in the same neighborhood, and although hers is larger, I have a specified child play and learning area in my entire lower level. (She has toys in her living room)
Anyway, I took a week off last week and asked some of my provider friends if they could help out for families that couldn't take time off or didn't have grandparents in the area. I knew right away which child "my friend" wanted to watch. DCG is the most laid back, fun to be around, and gets along with everyone. (I get along very well with this DCM, she actually took a road trip to Ikea with me to help me get new supplies for daycare) While "my friend" was watching her, I got texted multiple times a day saying how good she was, telling me all the cute things she was doing, how nice she was playing with her DCKS. how she wished she had a DCG like this, how she makes her day so much easier, how she wanted to enroll her, how she would let a daycare kid go to take her...and then we run into eachother at the preschool program both of our children attend. Since I had the week off, it was just my family and I, and of course, she brought her whole daycare crew. The DCG that I care for ran up to me, and the provider seemed to get upset with that. My husband made the comment, "She's going to try to take her away from you isn't she?" I said, "I sure hope not." I called the other provider that night and point blank asked her. I said from the way my husband noticed she acted and the texts she had been sending me, I was becoming concerned that she was serious when she said she was going to keep her. She reassured me she was just joking, but when I went to her house the next day to sit with her daycare kids for an hour so she could attend her daughter's Christmas program, I found a large gift bag with 5 gifts with DCGs name on them! (and only a small gift for each of her other 4 DCKs) She wasn't doing a Christmas party, just sending gifts home Friday at close. (We had our Christmas party the week before) And now I sign on to Facebook this morning and see they are now friends. I am not sure what to think...except if what I think is going to happen really does happen, I'm going to lose a good family, and someone I thought was a "good friend", and be extremely hurt.

[wdmmom]

I know many other providers in the area but I would never in a million years ask them to watch my kids. I don't know them that well and the fact that i trust only a few affirms this. When parents enroll with me, they are given a 1 to 3 month notice on when my time off is. It is up to them to find an alternate. I have never and will never offer them a name or number to anyone. The last thing I would want is to give my family another providers name and have something go wrong that the family would hold hard feelings towards me since I suggested them. KwIM.

[WoodOx]

ask yourself how long this DCM has been with you? Is there a reason why she would leave you and place her kid w/that other provider? you may be worring for nothing, I think she envy's your DCK's

[julie]

If this family would leave over you doing them a favour and finding them alternate care, then good riddance. They wouldn't be the people you thought they were. I don't think they will leave though. Just because someone is trying to bribe them, there is a reason they went with your childcare. I think it is super shady what your "friend" is trying to do and probably wouldn't offer options for alternate care anymore. Wow. I would have a real hard time being civil to someone trying to steal my business, especially if I helped her get started. That is such a low down thing to do.

[renodeb]

I 'am so sorry that you are in that situation. I think it is very wrong of that provider to even joke about stealing a kid from you. For that reason and others I find it nearly impossible to be friends with other providers. To much can happen. To many human emotions get mixed in.
I used to have a provider friend who would call me every day to ask how many kids I have and if so and so called me about dc. It got to the point that she was calling me 5-10 times a day. She would look on craigs list to see if I was advertising any vacant spots. She was a very friends on her terms kind of person.
I certainly wouldnt have her watch your dc kids anymore! Maybe talk to the parents about it?
deb

[LittleD]

It's not a good feeling to worry about losing a favorite to someone who is deliberately trying to sabotage you, especially when they call themselves a friend.

Maybe print out a flyer for your parents, thanking them for choosing you and reminding them what a good choice they made in it. (sort of like an advertising flyer) "Unlike other providers in the area I have ...." :: or something to that affect.
And close with You can rest easy knowing your children are in the best possible care.
Just a little reminder why they chose you and why they should keep you. KWIM?

[Blackcat31]

Just looking at this from another angle, but we are talking about people, not objects. Why assume your "friend" is going to steal this family from you?

Is there a reason this family wants to leave you? Are you not comfortable or secure in your relationship with this family?

I would think the person you need to be talking to is the DCF not your friend.

You have a current working relationship with a family. Unless they are unhappy with your services, hours, rates, location or something else they really have no reason to leave you.

If you want to put this to rest, talk with daycare family NOT your friend.

I would also suggest that you let your families find their own back up care while you on vacation. If you set this back up care up for family and this "friend" ends up enrolling them, you have to understand that you had a hand in it too....kwim?

[countrymom]

Just looking at this from another angle, but we are talking about people, not objects. Why assume your "friend" is going to steal this family from you?

Is there a reason this family wants to leave you? Are you not comfortable or secure in your relationship with this family?

I would think the person you need to be talking to is the DCF not your friend.

You have a current working relationship with a family. Unless they are unhappy with your services, hours, rates, location or something else they really have no reason to leave you.

If you want to put this to rest, talk with daycare family NOT your friend.

I would also suggest that you let your families find their own back up care while you on vacation. If you set this back up care up for family and this "friend" ends up enrolling them, you have to understand that you had a hand in it too....kwim?

she had no helping in this situation. Sounds like the other provider is jealous and would do anything to get this family. Why would this provider get a gift for the girl and why would she become friends on face book with her unless the provider was up to something. The unreg. had no idea this was going to happen, they were friends that helped each other out. I also provide another provider when I go on vacation, because some people have no one one.

[e.j.]

I can understand why the subbing dc provider would buy a gift for this child. I would do the same thing for her because I wouldn't want her to feel left out as I handed out gifts to the other kids. It does seem odd that she would buy 5 gifts for her, though, and the rest of the provider's actions seem a bit bizarre to me, too. I can't imagine behaving the way she is toward another provider.

If it were me going through this, I wouldn't contact either provider or parent. I'd enjoy my week off and try not to stress too much about the situation. It sounds as though the dcm and you have a good relationship. Hopefully, she can see through this provider's actions and is just trying to get along with her for the week she has her child in her care. If she does end up switching, especially after only a week, I'd also say good riddance to her. You can't control whether nor not families stay with you or move on. You can only provide the best care possible and hope parents appreciate it. As for the other provider, I wouldn't bad mouth her but I would make it a point to never send business her way again.

[Blackcat31]

she had no helping in this situation. Sounds like the other provider is jealous and would do anything to get this family. Why would this provider get a gift for the girl and why would she become friends on face book with her unless the provider was up to something. The unreg. had no idea this was going to happen, they were friends that helped each other out. I also provide another provider when I go on vacation, because some people have no one one.

When you provide back up care to families there is risk involved. The family may choose to change providers and use the provider you provided as a back up service. That is the risk I am talking about.

That would NEVER happen to me as I dont provide back up care to families. If a family choose to leave me, it wouldn't be because I "set" them up with their new provider.....kwim?

I understand that some families have no back up but that isn't my issue, part of my services or have anything to do with me.

[Meeko]

I like to help out my daycare families when I can...within reason.

But I never help with them finding alternate care if needed. (I have 16 kids...it would be a nightmare! But I wouldn't do it even for two kids) That's their job. If you do it once, then they will always expect you to find care for them. If they like the care you send them to, they may switch. If they don't like her...then it will all be your fault for arranging it.

If I wanted my car serviced and found out the mechanic was closed...I would not expect him to find another mechanic at another business for me. Not his job. That's up to me.

You will continue to run into the problem you are having now, if you try and set up your clients with other providers.

Now, if I am full.....I tell people who call me to call my friend up the road and see if she has openings. She does the same for me. But we have already discussed never doing "stand-in" for each other. Too easy to lose a friend that way.

[crazydaycarelady]

My good friend and I swap for each other on days off. It has never been a problem. I think if you are providing good, consistent, quality care then the family will be grateful for the backup and be glad when you return.

[MamaG]

If its just a day here or there I have a sub come to my house to watch the kids. For longer term like my vacation the parents must find their own care. Most choose drop in at a center.

[Meeko]

OK...this is bothering me. Does your friend know that you went snooping through her gift bags while she was gone?

You said that you "found" the bag and stated how many gifts etc. were in it. That means you were looking for them and dug through her bag.

You shouldn't have done that, no matter how suspicious you were of her trying to "steal" your client.

Bottom line is......it's a free country. The clients do not "belong" to you and if they want to move...so be it. Is it in bad taste if the other provider openly woos them knowing it would hurt you? Yes. Absolutely. But she has that right as a business owner.

If she likes them and they like her......there is no reason for them not to have a working relationship.

This is why I do not find other care for my clients when I close. You open yourself up to exactly what you are going through now. Jealousy, suspicion, bad feelings etc.

If she takes the client, you will have to just to chalk it up as a learning experience and move on...or it will eat you alive.

And I would really suggest that you let your clients know that it is too much liability for you to find alternate care for them when you are closed. Give them plenty of notice of your closed dates and let them actually do the parenting.