PT Infant Problem

[Blissful Kids]

Hey everyone,

Some of you know that I've posted before about a part time infant that I have on T,W,Th. He goes to grandma on Mondays and Fridays. I think he is very confused about his caregiver situation and overall unhappy. He cries often while he is with me, mostly because I can't hold him 24/7 like I believe grandma does.

I've brought it up a couple times to his parents about letting him "cry it out" at nap time and kindly asked if grandma frequently holds him a lot. His mom said,"Well, you how grandmas are..." and his dad said yesterday that on the weekends and at night since "they don't get to spend much time with him" that he lets him fall asleep on him. Seriously? Don't get me wrong, I am totally for snuggling with your kids and loving on them, but shouldn't they put him in his crib? He is four and a half months old. Overall I think the baby is just unhappy because I can't give him the attention he needs. Does anyone else have problems not bonding with certain DCKs or is it just me?

I've talked to my DH about it, and if we can afford it by the time I have my baby in July I am going to term him. Just hoping my patience lasts that long...

[cheerfuldom]

eek! July is a long time to wait. Can you interview right now to replace him? I dont take part time infants at all. I have never had a happy part time infant because most of them end up with THREE caregivers and no routine between parents/grandparents/provider. I wouldnt even approach this with the parents anymore. They know he is crying but they arent willing to change anything at this point. They might around 9 or 10 months when they finally have a mobile, screaming child on their hands day and night and it finally starts bothering them. For now, baby is happy at home because mom and dad can tag team and do whatever it takes to keep baby happy. that is not an option at daycare.

Anyway....I would term as soon as you can. If you take an infant, try to get a full timer.

[Scout]

While I agree with you that he should be in his crib, I have to say we can state our opinion on this board, but, I would never dictate what my parents can do while at home. I know it must be frustrating trying to get this baby on a schedule but, as a mom who worked outside the home, I can tell you that having a snuggle feels so darn good! It is not easy when your childcare provider gets to spend more time with your kids than you. You tend to want to make up for it on the weekends. I assure you, they are not doing it to make your job more difficult. The baby will grow out of it. Just give it time is my advice.

[blandino]

No, you can't dictate what a parent does outside of daycare - HOWEVER, you can make it clear that you have to continue to do things your way, as you Har other kids to take care of - and that the extreme lack of consistency is difficult on the baby and therefore makes it difficult for you to care for her.

It isn't so much telling them what they should do, but they also can't expect a daycare provider to do the same things they do when providing group care - and having two drastically different care styles is going to be very difficult on the baby.

[Heidi]

Hey everyone,

Some of you know that I've posted before about a part time infant that I have on T,W,Th. He goes to grandma on Mondays and Fridays. I think he is very confused about his caregiver situation and overall unhappy. He cries often while he is with me, mostly because I can't hold him 24/7 like I believe grandma does.

I've brought it up a couple times to his parents about letting him "cry it out" at nap time and kindly asked if grandma frequently holds him a lot. His mom said,"Well, you how grandmas are..." and his dad said yesterday that on the weekends and at night since "they don't get to spend much time with him" that he lets him fall asleep on him. Seriously? Don't get me wrong, I am totally for snuggling with your kids and loving on them, but shouldn't they put him in his crib? He is four and a half months old. Overall I think the baby is just unhappy because I can't give him the attention he needs. Does anyone else have problems not bonding with certain DCKs or is it just me?

I've talked to my DH about it, and if we can afford it by the time I have my baby in July I am going to term him. Just hoping my patience lasts that long...

So..your title said "Part time infant Problem" I thought right away: that part time infant IS the problem.

Then you said "Overall, I think baby is just unhappy because I can't give him the attention he needs". Stop beating yourself up! He doesn't NEED the attention-he WANTS the attention, and he's being conditioned to THINK he needs it. Just like if you gave him chocolate every day. Pretty soon, he'd think he NEEDS that too..

Can you find another child to fill his spot full time? Do you get calls regularly? If so, I would lay it on the table with the family. " He is MISERABLE here, because I cannot hold him every minute like you do. So, either we work together, or I guess grandma is going to have him 5 days a week".

[blandino]

He doesn't NEED the attention-he WANTS the attention, and he's being conditioned to THINK he needs it. Just like if you gave him chocolate every day. Pretty soon, he'd think he NEEDS that too..uch

Couldn't have said it better. Recently we get these infants who need to be entertained because they are so over stimulated at home. They cannot entertain themselves at all, without an adult. That isn't NEEDED attention. A natural need for entertainment, should be equal to what they themselves are capable of doing on their own. There is no reason a 2 month old would need to be constantly entertained, unless someone has laid that as the groundwork and given him a new level of normal.

Not saying an infant doesn't need to be held and played with, obviously they do - but they need to be content with the level of entertainment that their own capabilities allow them.

[Blissful Kids]

Thanks for the advice everyone. His grandma picked him up today because of the snow storm. Kid lit up like a Christmas tree and it was the first time I saw him smile all day. You can tell she dotes on him. But, she is his grandma and that's her job, right? =)

I have had a few people ask me if I have spots open, but it's been a while. I think I'd want another part timer, but this time not an infant. Perhaps another toddler to play with my own two year old. I haven't been doing this daycare thing for very long and don't even know how I'd approach a termination. Guess I need to work on the backbone thing I read about on here. =)

I actually don't even think he's coming tomorrow since I was supposed to go to my son's Christmas program. (Which was cancelled due to snow.) Maybe I can actually get some stuff done around here for our big trip on Friday. Thanks again and I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!

[cheerfuldom]

I would just do what is best for you. If you dont feel like you can wait till this baby grows out of this stage (and it actually maybe wont even happen at all), then go ahead and interview for the spot. Then term the part timer 2 weeks before the new one's start date. I am assuming you have a contract with the part timers families and will follow your own policies about terming. But you can type up a very short letter. Let the parents know that baby continues to be unhappy with your daycare and that you want to give them an opportunity to find something that would be a better fit for their child. You dont have to detail every scream fest and all the issues. Its always better when you approach termination with the idea that this is what is best for their child.

*I would not tell the prospective people that you are terming someone else to give them a spot nor would I tell the infants family that you are currently interviewing for someone else.

[Heidi]

as for growing out of the stage-he wont. He'll be the same way at 2, 3, 4. Unless a sib or 2 comes along and then suddenly it'll be tough love.

I have 14 month old and a 22 month old right now who are in similar situations. Extended families very close, take care of the kiddos alot, and no one really ever says "it's enough" or "no". They cater to every whimper.

I'm not judging that. 14 month old is their princess-and that's ok. But, she's not my princess. She's a beautiful, sweet little girl, but all she does here is cry, mostly. Thus, tommorow is her last day here.

22 month old is a bit better, but they wanted full days, and I would only agree to half days because he is still rocked to sleep and takes a bottle in bed. No way Jose'! Otherwise, he's generally happy and sweet, although it took him a little while to adjust.

As for terming, just try to be as gentle as possible when you do, and state it in the terms the parents will understand. You just feel terrible, because baby is unhappy too much of the time. It's just too confusing for him that he's getting so many mixed messages.

[Heidi]

I would just do what is best for you. If you dont feel like you can wait till this baby grows out of this stage (and it actually maybe wont even happen at all), then go ahead and interview for the spot. Then term the part timer 2 weeks before the new one's start date. I am assuming you have a contract with the part timers families and will follow your own policies about terming. But you can type up a very short letter. Let the parents know that baby continues to be unhappy with your daycare and that you want to give them an opportunity to find something that would be a better fit for their child. You dont have to detail every scream fest and all the issues. Its always better when you approach termination with the idea that this is what is best for their child.

*I would not tell the prospective people that you are terming someone else to give them a spot nor would I tell the infants family that you are currently interviewing for someone else.

Yep!

[daycarediva]

I agree, pt infants do not usually work out. I have a dcb now (2) that I termed at 9m. He was then following me around crawling- screaming his head off ALL DAY. I couldn't even sit him NEXT to me on the floor without him crying that he wasn't on me. His Mom ended up being a SAHM. He came back, conditionally, and is doing much better. Mom still caters to him, but that need for independence has kicked in. Mom said that no matter who they left him with, he would cry uncontrollably.

For instance, my other 2yos separate from their parents well, drink from cups, put slip on shoes on, coats, help with gloves, that sort of thing. DCB just stands there and whimpers until you help him. Dcb doesn't like painting here, and I asked dcm about it. Apparantly, at home his hands are wiped in between every color and every drop of paint is immediately wiped off. Mom agreed to let him get messy. It's better now. EEK!

Sorry to hijack, but I DO NOT think it will get better!

[LK5kids]

While I agree with you that he should be in his crib, I have to say we can state our opinion on this board, but, I would never dictate what my parents can do while at home. I know it must be frustrating trying to get this baby on a schedule but, as a mom who worked outside the home, I can tell you that having a snuggle feels so darn good! It is not easy when your childcare provider gets to spend more time with your kids than you. You tend to want to make up for it on the weekends. I assure you, they are not doing it to make your job more difficult. The baby will grow out of it. Just give it time is my advice.

This is what I was thinking. I've also known parents who did a lot of snuggling during maternity leave and baby was okay during child care hours. So I don't know if some babies have more trouble with this or what. I always thought the more love and snuggles we gave our babies the more secure toddler they would be. Maybe the parents just go way overboard and NEVER put them down. I held and snuggled my own a lot but I could always put them down, so maybe I didn't hold them to this degree.

[Holiday Park]

If the parent is ok with uou doing things your way (cio, schedules) and the baby is there enoufh consistent days in a row (usually 3/4+) And/or you have baby on a shedule at YOUR home from very early on like 6weeks or 3 months they can learn to adapt with your way at your house .
I had an infant who I gradually got her used to sleeping by herself in the pack n play and take real naps in there too, not just 20 minutes etc... By decreasing the holding&rocking until I was holding her maybe 5 minutes before putting her down. Then at 6montgs I let her cio for a few days and she was good ever since. However at home ahe still refused to sleep in her own bed, had to sleep with mommy and daddy and wouls wake up to play in the middle of the night.
Just like I had a toddler who I potty trained at my house but gis parents still put him in diapers at home, AND he would eat fruits as veggies for me but not for mom and dad . So yes, they can adapt but with Lots of consistency and a structured daily routine.