Seriously Think Something Is Wrong

[Unregistered]

I have a boy in my care /age 3.5. Mom told me right after Thanksgiving that her and dcd had separated. The divorce has been filed and dcb has only seen his dad once in the past 3 weeks.

I always thought this child was delayed. He has always been large for his age and delayed at meeting milestones. He is not potty trained and has shown absolutely no interest.

I've noticed a lot more behavioral issues in the past week and I'm not sure if they are attributed to the divorce or not. I really don't think so, but I could be wrong. Im pretty sure dcm is happy with her decision and personally, I seen it coming for a long time. Dcd has never had any interest in home life or spending time with dcb. The only time he is absent is if he himself is sick or dcm is not working. Dcd has taken vacation, spent a full week with his children from a previous marriage\relationship but dcb came to daycare every single day.

Normally, this child is pretty docile. He plays well alone or with others, doesn't fight, minimal behaviors (other than whining), occasional tattling but listens the first time and is usually pretty relaxed.

In the past week he has been cursing, pushing others, fighting, going into full blown tantrums, breaking rules, etc. Yesterday it was potty mouth. Saying things like "You aren't the boss of me", "dirty pants", "dirty poo poo head" and repeated "dirty underwear" too many times to count. I first told him we don't talk like that, 2nd offense i told him Santa is watching, third time I separated him. Mind you he got in trouble for the same thing three times within 75 minutes.

Today, he wouldn't eat lunch, rather he kept acting like a dog. Eating without hands or silverware and the last straw was him repetitively licking the table. It was close enough to nap time that I tossed the remaining food, cleaned him up and put him to bed.

Dcm said he's not been sleeping well either. I'm sure this is because they are now living with dcb's grandparents.

Do any of you have experience with divorce? Behaviors? Etc? I'm trying to determine where all this is coming from.

[Blackcat31]

I am sure it is the divorce. Poor kid. He is more than likely testing his boundaries to see if everything in his life changed or if it was just home...kwim?

Has mom said anything about odd or out of the ordinary behaviors at home?

First thing I would do is make sure you and DCM are on the same page about ok and not ok behaviors and what you are going to do to handle them.

The more consistency he has both at home and at daycare will help him understand that although his life has changed, the rules have not.

[Willow]

It's from the upheaval of his home life. Happens any time parents decide not to cohabitate anymore, if there is a new baby that comes into the home, if an immediate family member becomes very ill or even dies, after a move etc.

Guaranteed even if mom seems fine she's not, and it's impacting her parenting at home.

It will likely get worse before it gets better.

Stay consistent and try to be creative about eliminating his opportunities to act out.

Reassuring him everything is ok is going to be paramount.

[countrymom]

be prepared for lying too. I find kids from divorced parents love to make up alot of stories.

[Willow]

be prepared for lying too. I find kids from divorced parents love to make up alot of stories.

That's terribly offensive, and not factual at all.


Kids who are poorly parented tend to make up a lot of stories. Being a good parent has nothing to do with marital status.

[Unregistered]

When there has been a major change in their environment (such as a new baby or a divorce) so children"regress" which means that instead of "progressing" (reaching milestone and showing signs of growth) they are actually going back a few steps and start reverting back to (younger) childish behavior. Even though it doesn't seem like his dad was really in his life much to begin with (other than out of obligation) and also if his dad was showing more favortism to his 1/2 siblings it may be he feels that his dad doesn't love him or that the divorce was his fault (which is very common with children in divorce situations). Next time he acts like this ask him "Why did you say that to...?", "What did they do that upset you?", "Where did you hear that from?" it shows him empathy and how to think about what he is really saying or why he is really upset. this teaches him to use his words (NICELY!) and to say things he means but not say things to be mean. If a tantrum happens during an individual activity (like coloring) just pull him to the side and tell him "I understand you are upset, can you tell me why you are upset?" and the reply "ok, I understand that you are upset because..." this helps validates his feelings and lets him know that you are listening to him.

You can also try bibiotherapy- therapy through reading books that he can relate to. there are books about kids who don't have a dad or whose parents are divorced:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/two-homes-for-tyler-pamela-a-kennedy/1111910878?cm_mmc=googlepla-_-book-_-q000000633-_-9780824955823&cm_mmca2=pla&ean=9780824955823&r=1

At a daycare I used to work at a little boy's, who about 3 or 4 at the time, and his dad was his hero and his best friend (he was a "Junior" {tencically a 3rd} so he totally took after his dad). One night his dad was hit by a drunk driver and died instantly. Before the accident DCB was very mature for his age and always minded his manners and treated others nicely but a few days after the accident he got mad at everyone so easily and threw multiple tantrums through out the day. But eventually he calmed down and was almost back to himself- though it still always made me kinda sad when the other kids would talk about their dads and ask him about his dad and he would tell them that his daddy is in heaven watching over him :'-(. So even the tamest child can get worked up when things change at home.