Diaper Changing Opinions Needed

[VioletCupcake]

A friend of mine recently enrolled her infant in my child care program. Our husbands have worked together in the past and we became friends through that. My husband and I hung out with them often before and durring her pregnancy.
Now the baby is here and I have been watching him since he was 6 weeks old. He is now almost 3 months old. He is a fussy baby, who spits up a good bit. He is a screamer. But he also sleeps amazing! But, when he is awake he screams unless your holding him, bouncing him, etc. I can normally get him to Play on the play mat/ bouncer/ etc. for about 20 min per day without crying (but no more than 10 min at a time). He is the type of baby who screams the entire time he rides in the car, and while you change his diaper. He is just a fussy baby (at least in my opinion). I try to give positive feedback to his parents but at the same time being honest.

Today I got a text from the mom, my friend, saying that the reason he probably cries is because I don't change his diaper as much as they do. She said that even if I have just changed his diaper, and then he starts screaming, he has most likely peed again and I need to change him again. I know from being at their house, that they freak out if he is wet and change him immediately (even if it's a super tiny amount. They claim this is why he cries.

I change his diaper pretty much every two hours, unless he is sleeping and then I change it as soon as he gets up. I change it about 10 minutes after he arrives and about 10 min. before he leaves. Often I change it when it honestly doesn't even seem wet. She says that on the weekend they go through a "TON" of diapers.

I feel like changing a baby that often is ridiculous, but I maybe I'm the crazy one. Obviously poop diapers get changed immediately. And I change children very frequently if they have any redness or rash. And if I notice the babies diaper is full, I change it. But this babies diaper barely seems full after a 3 and 1/2 nap when I change it. So it's not like he is sitting in a full diaper screaming his head off.

I think they are using this as an excuse for him being so fussy. They have also used other things: not eating enough- we started feeding him more, still cues and spits up more. His brace- he had two dislocated hips, so he wore a cloth brace- its been off for a week and he still screams (they swore that he was fussy because of the brace). And to clarify, I am fine that he is fussy. I mean I don't love it, but he is a baby and thats ok. I am never mean or rude to them about it, but when they ask if he cries, I don't lie. My husband and I love him and our friends.

Anyhow, I don't know what to say to her. I am not going to agree to change him 10 times a day. And I want to be honest. Its hard since we are friends.

I appreciate all opinions! Thanks!!

[daycarediva]

Maybe as a FTM she feels defensive of his fussiness and needs a way/reason to justify that.

I had a miserable baby/my first and I felt like a failure as a Mom. She was always SO CRANKY. The SECOND she started to crawl, I found out she was just nosey as all get out. It was INSTANT, the crying stopped! She never even smiled or laughed until she was 6 mo/crawling.

If you feel that you can be honest with her, tell her that some babies are just more fussy than others and that you will change him when he needs it (specify) but you can't change him every hour with other kids in care.

[NeedaVaca]

I also do diaper changes every 2 hours unless it's a poopy diaper or I notice it's a really full/wet diaper and I think that's more than enough! Have they had him checked for acid reflux? Could be the reason for all the crying especially since you say he spits up a lot...

[Blackcat31]

So change his diaper as often as possible for an entire day. Record or document the times you changed him.

Since I doubt that is the root of his fussiness I am betting it won't cure his crankiness so you can then tell her, "look, this is how often I changed him today. He was still cranky so now what?"

Put it back on her. If she is supplying the diapers, then change him as often as she wants you too....no matter how rediculous the request.

[cheerfuldom]

Dont discuss a time frame for changes or a number of diapers...that will just cause mom to obsess about whatever you agree to. Let her know that you check frequently and always change if he is wet. She needs to be able to trust that you know enough about kids and can be trusted to care for this most basic need. I wouldnt scramble to try and always say what will make her happy....at this point, her baby is obviously just a fussy kid. Some kids are like that. And many moms are frantic to come up with a reason so that they dont feel that baby crying means that they are a bad mom. right now, it is easier for her to imply that you are the one to blame, rather than admit that her kid is not the perfect angel she always expected. Its a VERY common dynamic for first time parents.

As for the spitting up, you didnt specify how much it was but if there is a lot of fussiness and spitting up in general, I think mom should consider asking doctor about reflux. Its very painful for babies and causes a lot of unhappiness and crying. That could very well be what is actually going on.

[blandino]

I have had parents tell me that their child will scream and cry the minute their diaper is wet. I don't really think that children in disposables are able to feel when they are a tiny bit wet. In cloth diapers, I would believe it - but disposables are sooooo absorbent.

Once we had a baby who would honest to god scream for 4/5 hours on end unless he was being held. His mom suggested that we had HIS DIAPERS ON TOO TIGHT !! It was completely ridiculous. So from that point on we did his diapers so loose it was comical - and still didn't help them screaming.

I think she is just making crazy excuses for his fussiness.

[Mom&Provider]

I was thinking reflux also! If he is spitting up alot, every feeding is as cranky as he is daily there is something more to it then a diaper. He would be happier being held, since he wasn't laying on his back (which can cause pain with reflux), so that part makes sense!

I wouldn't agree to changing him as much as she asks - but I would let her know in response to her concern that you change him every wet diaper, and check often. Every two hours does not seem unacceptable to me!? I didn't change my own children that much as babies, unless they had diaper rash etc. which was different.

[blandino]

So change his diaper as often as possible for an entire day. Record or document the times you changed him.

Since I doubt that is the root of his fussiness I am betting it won't cure his crankiness so you can then tell her, "look, this is how often I changed him today. He was still cranky so now what?"

Put it back on her. If she is supplying the diapers, then change him as often as she wants you too....no matter how rediculous the request.

I would definitely agree with "putting it back on her". In most instances it works very well. It is almost a kill them with kindness approach. You still have your backbone, even of you are doing as she asks - because you know that it will not fix the problem. And you are the one showing her.

[VioletCupcake]

So change his diaper as often as possible for an entire day. Record or document the times you changed him.

Since I doubt that is the root of his fussiness I am betting it won't cure his crankiness so you can then tell her, "look, this is how often I changed him today. He was still cranky so now what?"

Put it back on her. If she is supplying the diapers, then change him as often as she wants you too....no matter how rediculous the request.

Thanks for the awesome idea! I am so doing this! I think until they see this is not the problem, they will probably think it is. Thanks