Helping My Child Adjust To Sharing His Home With Other Children?

[snips&snails]

Hoping some people have some advice for me! I opened my in-home childcare last month, I currently have 1 full timer & a part time child. We are on week 2 of having children all day, every day - including Saturdays which is supposed to end December 29th. My son is 3 & he is really struggling & his behavior becomes more problematic every day!

He was in a center from 14 months until this September (when for a variety of reasons I chose to leave my job as a preschool teacher & operate from home until I finish my bachelors degree). He is very social and had been quite lonely, but after the novelty of the first couple days wore off he has starting hitting (me & other children), running in circles throwing toys & screaming uncontrollably, refusing to nap or clean up without a major battle, etc. He also has developed a phobia of a monster he claims lives in his bedroom.

I am a single parent and his father recently disappeared from his life again, but this behavior seems triggered by having the other children present. I have extensive experience working with children with behavior problems, but I am at my wits end! - today was the worst day yet, I had assumed that a lot of these behaviors are negative-attention seeking, so I made a point of interacting with him directly for extended periods, providing a selection of activities, etc....all with no success. In spite of how angry & frustrated I am, I am also sad...he seems so miserable I knew there would be challenges at first, but it awful that we finally get to spend time together & we are both miserable!

[Scout]

I also have only been open a short while. My kids are 4 & 17 mos, both boys. I watch 3 3 yo. Two are here every day for 3 weeks now, the other one is supposed to be here daily but, we have had some illnesses go through already so he has missed quite a few days. I would suggest just give it time. Make sure that he has some special toys that only he can play with when the other kids aren't there. My son has a toy box in his room that we are going to use after Christmas for these toys. I don't want them to have to share everything. That is not fair for them. This is their home before it is a childcare center. I am sure it will all work out. I do have my DH take the older one out to lunch after school if he is off so he feels kind of special. I don't know if you have a family member that could fill in for you while you do something like that with him? It is important to not make everything about other kids. I hope he adjusts quickly for you.

[Angelsj]

Does your child have his own room? I would put him in there, not as punishment, but just explain that we all need some alone time. Maybe he is overwhelmed at so much stimulation and just needs a break from the other kids.
I agree with the other poster as well. He should have toys he does not have to share, residing in his room that he can go in there and play with. Teach the other children that this is your son's room, and they cannot go in unless he invites them in.

[DaisyMamma]

I'm afraid I don't have advice for you. I have the same problem. My daughter is 3. I've been doing daycare ever since she can remember, it doesn't make any difference.
Daycare toys are in the daycare room and special toys are kept in the family living room or my children's bedroom.
She is enrolled in a preschool program 3-4 days a week 9am-1pm because it's been the best way for me to handle it. She does fine in the other program. By the time she gets home it is nap time. After nap I have to deal with her being mean to the other kids until it's time for them to leave :confused:
Quite often I have to put her in her room to play alone or into the family living room alone. Especially if I am doing something that I cannot be right on top of her to make sure she is being nice.
It's really hard for them to deal with. They have to share their mom and their toys. I personally find it easier when there are less kids. Also, I find that if my child does not like one DCK in-particular then it's a lot worse. It's not a fair way to choose who stays in your daycare, but if it's not working there's not much else you can do. It's also not fair to the DCK if your child is mean to them all day.

[Heidi]

Does your child have his own room? I would put him in there, not as punishment, but just explain that we all need some alone time. Maybe he is overwhelmed at so much stimulation and just needs a break from the other kids.
I agree with the other poster as well. He should have toys he does not have to share, residing in his room that he can go in there and play with. Teach the other children that this is your son's room, and they cannot go in unless he invites them in.

I was going to suggest this, but then saw that he's currently scared of the monster in his room. I have a solution for that.

Get a spray bottle, label it "Monster Spray". Fill it with water and some scent (some cheap, stinky perfume perhaps).

Make quite a show of explaining this "Great new product" you bought. It REPELS MONSTERS!!! Then, when he goes in his room, let him spray it around. Under the bed, all around. Then NO MONSTERS CAN GET IN! yay!happyface
It worked great with my oldest when he went through a monster faze.

Or...just look at him and say matter-of-factly. "Nope, no monsters here. You KNOW I don't allow them in the house, and monsters ALWAYS listen to mommies. We have special powers".

[snips&snails]

I was going to suggest this, but then saw that he's currently scared of the monster in his room. I have a solution for that.

Get a spray bottle, label it "Monster Spray". Fill it with water and some scent (some cheap, stinky perfume perhaps).

Make quite a show of explaining this "Great new product" you bought. It REPELS MONSTERS!!! Then, when he goes in his room, let him spray it around. Under the bed, all around. Then NO MONSTERS CAN GET IN! yay!happyface
It worked great with my oldest when he went through a monster faze.

Or...just look at him and say matter-of-factly. "Nope, no monsters here. You KNOW I don't allow them in the house, and monsters ALWAYS listen to mommies. We have special powers".

Thanks, I will try this - the monster is huge issue!! He loves spray bottles too!

[Sunshine44]

I agree

I was going to suggest this, but then saw that he's currently scared of the monster in his room. I have a solution for that.

Get a spray bottle, label it "Monster Spray". Fill it with water and some scent (some cheap, stinky perfume perhaps).

Make quite a show of explaining this "Great new product" you bought. It REPELS MONSTERS!!! Then, when he goes in his room, let him spray it around. Under the bed, all around. Then NO MONSTERS CAN GET IN! yay!happyface
It worked great with my oldest when he went through a monster faze.

Or...just look at him and say matter-of-factly. "Nope, no monsters here. You KNOW I don't allow them in the house, and monsters ALWAYS listen to mommies. We have special powers".

I agree with the spray. It works for my daughter with "bad dreams". I took a body spray scent from some store I didn't care for and use that as our bad dream spray, you could even add some glitter.

My daughter has been in my daycare since she can remember, but she always had some issues with the kids being here. I let her play alone whenever she wanted. Had strict rules I had to enforce...toys in the daycare room were shared! toys in her room, hers! Do not bring them out if you don't want to share. Also spent some one on one time with her. It never completely went away, but got better. Now she is in school and my days are so much easier.

[Play Care]

HUGS! My oldest child was by far my most challenging child in day care! I did have to put her in her room because of her behavior (although like others this was not punitive but a cool down and she wasn't afraid of being in her room). I also always made sure that day care toys were day care toys and my kids toys were theirs. I didn't even give them the option to share until they were much older because it always led to tears. We have areas of the house (besides bedrooms) that are also off limits to dc - such as our finished basment playroom that my kids could "escape" to once they were old enough. I do think carving some time out during the day to just be with your child - maybe after the dc kids are down for naps? to read, play a quiet game, etc. may help. It got much better as they got older. I will say that I regret spending much of that time being upset/angry by their behavior instead of more understanding, because they are now in school all day and I miss them!

[LaLa1923]

I was going to suggest this, but then saw that he's currently scared of the monster in his room. I have a solution for that.

Get a spray bottle, label it "Monster Spray". Fill it with water and some scent (some cheap, stinky perfume perhaps).

Make quite a show of explaining this "Great new product" you bought. It REPELS MONSTERS!!! Then, when he goes in his room, let him spray it around. Under the bed, all around. Then NO MONSTERS CAN GET IN! yay!happyface
It worked great with my oldest when he went through a monster faze.

Or...just look at him and say matter-of-factly. "Nope, no monsters here. You KNOW I don't allow them in the house, and monsters ALWAYS listen to mommies. We have special powers".

I did this only i used water!@!@ and one time it was empty bc its a "special spray

[Unregistered]

I was going to suggest this, but then saw that he's currently scared of the monster in his room. I have a solution for that.

Get a spray bottle, label it "Monster Spray". Fill it with water and some scent (some cheap, stinky perfume perhaps).

Make quite a show of explaining this "Great new product" you bought. It REPELS MONSTERS!!! Then, when he goes in his room, let him spray it around. Under the bed, all around. Then NO MONSTERS CAN GET IN! yay!happyface
It worked great with my oldest when he went through a monster faze.

Or...just look at him and say matter-of-factly. "Nope, no monsters here. You KNOW I don't allow them in the house, and monsters ALWAYS listen to mommies. We have special powers".

my aunt used to do that when we were kids

[Scout]

I was going to suggest this, but then saw that he's currently scared of the monster in his room. I have a solution for that.

Get a spray bottle, label it "Monster Spray". Fill it with water and some scent (some cheap, stinky perfume perhaps).

Make quite a show of explaining this "Great new product" you bought. It REPELS MONSTERS!!! Then, when he goes in his room, let him spray it around. Under the bed, all around. Then NO MONSTERS CAN GET IN! yay!happyface
It worked great with my oldest when he went through a monster faze.

Or...just look at him and say matter-of-factly. "Nope, no monsters here. You KNOW I don't allow them in the house, and monsters ALWAYS listen to mommies. We have special powers".

OMG!! I HAVE HAD MONSTER SPRAY IN MY DS ROOM FOR OVER A YEAR! NANA MADE IT FOR HIM SO WE HAVE TO GIVE IT TO HER FOR REFILLS!::