Caring for Your Friend's Children

[SunshineMama]

I have a strict no friends/neighbor's rule when it comes to business.

But...

Today, my best friend of 30 years, (more like a sister), asked me to care for her children when she goes back to school. She is a teacher.

I know her children well, and she parents in a similar way as me. They are well behaved, mannerly, and she keeps a tight schedule, which happens to be the same as my schedule. And I love her kids like family, who are also very close in age to my own.

She offered to pay me whatever I want, even above my regular rate, because she doesnt trust anyone else with her children but her mother and I.

I would have summers off, and all holidays/breaks off. Also, I would be done by 3:00pm.

What are your thoughts on caring for family/friends?

Have any of you done it successfully?

What hangups would I possibly encounter?

Thanks for your opinions!

[Blackcat31]

I have a strict no friends/neighbor's rule when it comes to business.

But...

Today, my best friend of 30 years, (more like a sister), asked me to care for her children when she goes back to school. She is a teacher.

I know her children well, and she parents in a similar way as me. They are well behaved, mannerly, and she keeps a tight schedule, which happens to be the same as my schedule. And I love her kids like family, who are also very close in age to my own.

She offered to pay me whatever I want, even above my regular rate, because she doesnt trust anyone else with her children but her mother and I.

I would have summers off, and all holidays/breaks off. Also, I would be done by 3:00pm.

What are your thoughts on caring for family/friends?

Have any of you done it successfully?

What hangups would I possibly encounter?

Thanks for your opinions!

I have done it before and haven't had issues but I think it is because I am VERY blunt, VERY bossy and VERY in charge so I don't have a problem saying something to people when there is an issue.

I think that is the root of the problems providers have when caring for friends/family....not feeing like they can speak up or enforce their policies. '

I think another thing to remember is to set the ground rules FIRMLY upfront so you will be less likely to have problems later.

It is doable...but you just have to be willing to say something if necessary.

[SunshineMama]

I have done it before and haven't had issues but I think it is because I am VERY blunt, VERY bossy and VERY in charge so I don't have a problem saying something to people when there is an issue.

I think that is the root of the problems providers have when caring for friends/family....not feeing like they can speak up or enforce their policies. '

I think another thing to remember is to set the ground rules FIRMLY upfront so you will be less likely to have problems later.

It is doable...but you just have to be willing to say something if necessary.

I am one of those quieter people, but I do feel like I would be able to be up front with my friend, and I think we could set up some ground rules. I think if her kids were stinkers, or if she was a lazy parent I would definitely not do it, but we are very similar.

What hurdles are common when working with friends? Time? Money?

[crazydaycarelady]

Does she know about your rule? I would tell her that her friendship means more to you and you do not want to risk it by getting in to a business relationship. Like BC said, it is doable, but what if her kids start to drive you nuts? or you find you don't want to hang out with her because you already spent a lot of time with her kids? or she's late and you get resentful. Stuff happens that you cannot possibly forsee.

[SunshineMama]

Those are all concerns of mine as well.

And then I think of the positives: i know she will pay on time, I know shes a great mom, and shes completely fine with me taking the kids anywhere and doing things. I would get off early, etc.

But she is my best friend in the world and I would never want to compromise that.

Ugh, I am stressed over this decision. I would love to hear more thoughts/stories/etc from others.

[MarinaVanessa]

I have done it before and haven't had issues but I think it is because I am VERY blunt, VERY bossy and VERY in charge so I don't have a problem saying something to people when there is an issue.

I think that is the root of the problems providers have when caring for friends/family....not feeing like they can speak up or enforce their policies. '

I think another thing to remember is to set the ground rules FIRMLY upfront so you will be less likely to have problems later.

It is doable...but you just have to be willing to say something if necessary.

I think so too. I care for my SIL son and things got off to a rocky start until I finally sat down with her and said no more. I still have small issues with her (staying more than 5 minutes in the parking spot designated for quick drops/pick-ups, allowing nephew to bring toys from home etc) from time to time but when I remind her she corrects herself and I don't have another issue again for months.

I think if you sit down with her set the boundaries from the get-go and say "This is my business, if I say something to you childcare related don't take it personal I'm treating you like a client. You will not get special from me but I will care for and protect your children just as I would anybody else's" I don't see the harm in trying. Just be sure to enforce your policies and make sure that she understands that they are in place to make things flow better for everyone.

[Blackcat31]

I am one of those quieter people, but I do feel like I would be able to be up front with my friend, and I think we could set up some ground rules. I think if her kids were stinkers, or if she was a lazy parent I would definitely not do it, but we are very similar.

What hurdles are common when working with friends? Time? Money?

I think the most common issue is friends/family thinking you will not enforce payment dates and illness policies or just your policies in general.

Such as bringing in food...."it's just this once and you won't mind right?" or "I know you have a strict illness policy but you know me and know I can't miss work so she can stay right?" or even worse, "I don't have all the money I owe you but I will bring it Monday or Tuesday or maybe when I see you at church on Sunday"

Little things like that are usually the problem.

[daycare]

I have only done it once and I was not as lucky as BC..
my friend always played he friend card so she wont mind...>WHEN I did mind and I would try to talk to her about it, but she just tried to joke about it.

Like oh she won't care if I am 20-30 min late. I will make it up with a coffee or something else later...

another one was do you mind dropping the kids off since they are the last to get picked up and your home anyway??? UGH NO............

well lets just say that a 15 year friendship went out the window for about a year. we did make up, but we will never be as close as we used to be.....

[MNMum]

I am currently watching my best friends baby. My friend is very respectful of me. However, I deal with it by treating it as if I were watching a friends child. Her family helped with my kids a ton, so they deserve some payback and just because I do childcare, doesn't mean I can't help her out in a different way than my daycare parents. I do go the extra mile for her. I will drop baby at grandma's house (cause I know it is difficult for grandma to deal with the car seat). One huge difference is that I currently only have her one long evening per week. I think if she were here traditional hours I wouldn't be quite as flexible. The key is that we are very open with each other. She hears me complaining about other parents - so she knows what ticks me off, too!

[daycarediva]

I have done it before and haven't had issues but I think it is because I am VERY blunt, VERY bossy and VERY in charge so I don't have a problem saying something to people when there is an issue.

I think that is the root of the problems providers have when caring for friends/family....not feeing like they can speak up or enforce their policies. '

I think another thing to remember is to set the ground rules FIRMLY upfront so you will be less likely to have problems later.

It is doable...but you just have to be willing to say something if necessary.

I have my best friends son in care. He gets no discount, no special treatment and neither does she. I made this BLATANTLY clear. I also said that if our business relationship were to effect our personal relationship she would have to find someone else. It has been a year, she is my BEST dcp and dcb is one amazing kiddo. If anything, it has brought us closer together to 'coparent' this little guy (single Mom).

I have charged her late fees.
I have said NO when she asked for a later pickup.
I have told her that her son was a stinker, honestly.
I have turned her away at the door for forgetting to bring diapers.

[kendallina]

I have done it before and haven't had issues but I think it is because I am VERY blunt, VERY bossy and VERY in charge so I don't have a problem saying something to people when there is an issue.

I think that is the root of the problems providers have when caring for friends/family....not feeing like they can speak up or enforce their policies. '

I think another thing to remember is to set the ground rules FIRMLY upfront so you will be less likely to have problems later.

It is doable...but you just have to be willing to say something if necessary.

Exactly this. I have several friends whose children are in my preschool and I don't feel uncomfortable at all. I am very good at setting expectations and speaking up when needed.

[blandino]

My best friend had a baby in June, and when she first got pregnant we all just assumed I would watch the baby. As it got closer someone brought to her attention, that I may not want to care for a friend's child - and I had definitely been worried about the same thing. So we talked and decided that I would not care for him - actually, both grandmas split the week caring for him.

But when he was 4 months old she needed somewhere for him to go 1 day a week, and mentioned looking or a MDO. Well the protective side of me came out, and I was like "no way anyone else is taking care of that baby". So he started here in October. We had a deal beforehand that I was supposed to treat her like everyone else, she and her husband even came over to interview (I told her that was my normal procedure) . But she has been very conscious of not taking advantage. I have even done things, where she corrects me and says "would this be okay if I were any other client ?". So we are very clear on the fact that there is no special treatment, as far as policies go.

Now, as far as special treatment of her son --- I can't help but adore my best friend's baby - so, he may get some extra kisses and attention during the day hahaha.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I did for a friend and it was a GREAT business relationship! She even was my sub once FOR FREE. happyface

[Blissful Kids]

Before I started my own daycare, I took my kids to my close friend's house who did daycare. I trusted her and knew I didn't want to leave my boys with a stranger. Overall it was a good experience. She was very up front with me, communicated well, and wasn't afraid to tell me when my kids were stinkers. It helped that we also had very similar parenting styles. When I decided to start my own daycare, I used her contract and only made some slight modifications. Now it is fun to give each other advice about daycare stuff and when we get together it's not at the end of a long work day! =) Our kids still love to play together too!

[daycaremom76]

I've watched friends kids several times and it's pretty 50/50. I've ones that I have had to let go because of payment issues and only one because of behavior. Payment issues seem to be my biggest issue. I look at it this way, if my gf can't pay her cell phone bill on time chances are she isn't going to pay me on time either! After the last episode I swore off watching kids of people I know. That didn't last long, I now watch kids for 2 people that I went to school with and I only took them on cause I know both are pretty responsible. So far no issues with either one!