Need Advice Before We Let My Childcare Children Go

[handemom]

Im new to these boards but felt it very necessary to seek advice, where i am sure I will find the answers/help i need.

backgound: I am a SAHM wiht two school aged kids. I recently took 2 more children into my care.

Before meeting with the parents i specified that i transport my 2 to and from school. I also mentioned that during the summer on OCCASION I will do playdates with friends or family whom also have children or childcare children no more than 15 minutes away from my home. and that they would have more than 24 hours notice that this would take place.

they mentioned that they were not sure how they felt about it, but whould have to meet me and get to know me...here i am almost 2 months later. I have driven them back and forth from the schools. and to the school playground. and the library all within 3 minutes of my home.

Recently I spoke with the mom and told her I was having a family member(child) spend the night the next day and asked if they would be ok if I (might) have to take her home early.. Mom said ok.....Next day(after the child has already slept over) the child wanted to go home, I told the parents that morning that I was going to have to bring her home and that I would need to transport their children with me.

Father "I would prefer you don't" I was a little taken aback, i wouldn't have had the sleepover had I known I didn't have the option to take the little girl home if she needed to. mom says sure and dad says no......

Now recently I mentioned a "fieldtrip" 10 minutes down the road to possibly be done next week, a reward for the kids being great this summer. My two are feeling stuck in the house and need to get out. The Father said
"Make it after we get out of work and we can all go"

I have no interest in hanging out with the parents of the daycare children outside of the hours i watch them. they are nice and all BUT I got burned with my last child I sat, because I became fast friends with the mother.

What do I do? I haven't taken them anywere outside of our very small town. They knew in advance that I may do it once or twice this summer. And now they won't answer me about a outing with the kids. I would like to see it happen so they can have interaction with other children than mine, that they may experience new things and enjoy their day. I'm not talking about going everywhere all the time, but maybe things being a little less restrictive.

they have even started keeping the carseat from me. That is in my contract that it be here in case of emergencies.

What would you do? the father is so over protective, and i understand that, but I treat them as i treat my children with care love and respect.


Issue #2 He also has seperation issues and they show up (mom and dad) 10 minutes before they should and stay here in the am for about 1/2 hour. they are loud and always wake my two children up. I have asked that we keep it down in the morning and they just ignore it..


sorry this was so long, it's been urking me for days on end. Hope someone can help me.

thanks :confused:

[JenNJ]

Do you have a contract? Or signed transportation permission slips? I would have a conference and just make it clear that you like to do trips and errands, and if they arenot ok w/that, then they need to find other arrangements.

BUT, as the mother of 2 toddlers, I would NOT be comfortable w/my kids visiting unknown homes/people. Too many unknown factors about those people places (guns in the house? Pools? Animals?). I would be ok w/public outings but not others homes.

[nannyde]

Yah you got the tail wagging the dog here.

You don't ask them you tell them. When you want to do an outing you tell them that you are going and then they have the option not to atend that day at all. There's no negotiations. If they drop the kid off and then call to tell you no then you insist they come immediately and take the kid. If they refuse they are done that day.

Regarding the spending forty minutes at your house in the morning: Tell them that from today on you will not host them in the morning. They need to do a quick drop off in the morning. If they have an extra forty minutes they need to spend that time with their child in their home not yours.

If you are willing to loose them then now is the time to lay down the law. Tell them what you will and won't do and if they don't like it they can leave.

[emosks]

Yah you got the tail wagging the dog here.

You don't ask them you tell them. When you want to do an outing you tell them that you are going and then they have the option not to atend that day at all. There's no negotiations. If they drop the kid off and then call to tell you no then you insist they come immediately and take the kid. If they refuse they are done that day.

Regarding the spending forty minutes at your house in the morning: Tell them that from today on you will not host them in the morning. They need to do a quick drop off in the morning. If they have an extra forty minutes they need to spend that time with their child in their home not yours.

If you are willing to loose them then now is the time to lay down the law. Tell them what you will and won't do and if they don't like it they can leave.

This! We are required to have transportation forms for each individual time we transport unless it's an ongoing thing. Plan your trips, get them to sign a form and if they won't consent then they don't come for care that day.

As far as drop offs...we have it in our contract for quick drop offs. Luckily our parents get that and when they don't...we drop nice little hints like picking up the child and walking away with them.

[handemom]

thanks for the responses. I did in fact have them sign a contract stating that they give me permission to transport their children to and from activities. Permission for swimming in my 12x3 pool and to play on playgroud equiptment.

Yes i did do in home care before, but that mother and I didn't really have any agreements, she was more or less fine with my going on occasion to the doctors for my children or to walmart if need be. and I was able to do all kinds of fun and educational things with the child.

so this summer my children are a little "cranky" with feeling stuck inside all the time. I haven't done any thing fun within the last two months because the father would prefer i don't. And there is only 4 weeks left of summer vacation.


He did ask tonight (after the mother got into the car) what this "fieldtrip" was all about.

I explained to him that I had told his wife about the trips during the summer when we first spoke about childcare. He looked shocked. He said it's not a trust issue, but that he just feels better knowing where they are all the time. he will have to think about it.


IDK maybe im wrong, but I thought we had laid it out on the table long before now, and it does seem like they are now controling me.
I had originally wrote in the agreement that we would do a trial run of 60 days, and that's almost up.

IF they can understand my few concerns I will continue watching them BUT if they can't I guess I will have to tell them to move on.

What am I supposed to do if my childs school calls sending one of them home and I have to go to the doctors.Or a dentist appointment that needs to happen during the day.

And if they continue to forget the carseat, how will I get them to school?



I am sure by now, I am a huge pain in the butt with all my questions,
But my husband is the only one to bounce my thoughts off of. And he is very cut and dry.


Also I do quite time for all the kids (including mine) they lay on mats/sleeping bags in the next room, (my kids are in their rooms) the dad keeps telling me that his 5 year old doesn't need quite time and should be able to sit on my couch and watch a movie, I have said many times, that no-one is in the living room at that time, and the tv is off. I take that time to clean up their am messes. and set up the activity for after quite time.

how would you handle that?

[jen]

Honestly, I think you need to sit them both down and tell them how things ARE. Either they want to stay with you, the way you do things, or they need to go elsewhere!

[melskids]

your house, your business, your rules, end of story.

[boysx5]

your house, your business, your rules, end of story.

yes sounds like they are just an added stress I would get rid of them I have had to do this with one mom a few months ago and life is so much better

[nannyde]

thanks for the responses. I did in fact have them sign a contract stating that they give me permission to transport their children to and from activities. Permission for swimming in my 12x3 pool and to play on playgroud equiptment.

Yes i did do in home care before, but that mother and I didn't really have any agreements, she was more or less fine with my going on occasion to the doctors for my children or to walmart if need be. and I was able to do all kinds of fun and educational things with the child.

so this summer my children are a little "cranky" with feeling stuck inside all the time. I haven't done any thing fun within the last two months because the father would prefer i don't. And there is only 4 weeks left of summer vacation.


He did ask tonight (after the mother got into the car) what this "fieldtrip" was all about.

I explained to him that I had told his wife about the trips during the summer when we first spoke about childcare. He looked shocked. He said it's not a trust issue, but that he just feels better knowing where they are all the time. he will have to think about it.


IDK maybe im wrong, but I thought we had laid it out on the table long before now, and it does seem like they are now controling me.
I had originally wrote in the agreement that we would do a trial run of 60 days, and that's almost up.

IF they can understand my few concerns I will continue watching them BUT if they can't I guess I will have to tell them to move on.

What am I supposed to do if my childs school calls sending one of them home and I have to go to the doctors.Or a dentist appointment that needs to happen during the day.

And if they continue to forget the carseat, how will I get them to school?



I am sure by now, I am a huge pain in the butt with all my questions,
But my husband is the only one to bounce my thoughts off of. And he is very cut and dry.


Also I do quite time for all the kids (including mine) they lay on mats/sleeping bags in the next room, (my kids are in their rooms) the dad keeps telling me that his 5 year old doesn't need quite time and should be able to sit on my couch and watch a movie, I have said many times, that no-one is in the living room at that time, and the tv is off. I take that time to clean up their am messes. and set up the activity for after quite time.

how would you handle that?

Look

These guys have all the characteristics of wanting Nanny care for the price of group day care. Even if the group is just your kids plus their kids they are paying for group care.

If they want to decide what you do and when they need to pay you Nanny salary. They most likely are paying you a group rate so give them the group rules.

The group rules are: You don't get to hang out at my house and watch me care for your children. If you want to watch the caregiver care for your children and give YOU forty minutes of one to one parent conferencing every day then you HAVE to hire a Nanny.

If you want to decide where the provider goes and you want to be there at your own whim then you have to hire a Nanny.

If you want your kid up at nap time when the kids are on quiet no activity time then you have to hire a Nanny.

They can't have individual Nanny care for a group care rate. It's not personal ... it's just economics. Parents who want individualized care that starts from the second you start working until they are gone out the door at night can't have their kid in a group of kids.

About the car seat: Tell them that you will not accept the baby into care without the car seat. Bring the car seat in our don't bring the kid in.

You are falling for one of the oldest parent tricks in the books. Getting a lot for a little.

[GLBD3]

handemom

Your clients are running your business. If you allow them to do it, you will continue to have more problems as time goes on. You will not please everyone. Again, YOUR BUSINESS, YOUR RULES, END OF STORY. You decide! If it was me, they would be gone!

GLBD

[DCMomOf3]

And if they continue to forget the carseat, how will I get them to school?

The other points have already been adressed it looks like. If they signed a transportation permission slip, they have authorized you to take the child where you need to go. I have to transport my daycare kids with me to drop my own off at school too. I purchased my own carseats and they stay in my van. It was an expense, but worth it to me. It even saves me time since they are already in my vehicle and I don't have to keep putting them in and taking them out.

[MarinaVanessa]

Okay listen, I am in a situation right now that is much like a power struggle with a DCM. I have decided to do daycare because I wanted the freedom and extra time to spend with my family. My expectations are in my contract & have a policy handbook that clarifies everything. I mean it really spells everything out. This DCM seems to think that she can dictate how she pays, her schedule, her rate and pretty much everything else. If I didn't need the income I would let her go right now! The point is this, parents seem to think that they can make the rules up as they go and at their own convenience. DON'T let them do it!!! You'll just be stuck like me feeling aggrivated and not in control.

I had to remind myself that this is MY business and I offer a service where my policies are clearly stated and the families AGREED to follow them. If you don't have the issues that you are having clearly worded in your agreement (travel, field trips, noise in the morning etc.) then you should amend them immediately. Especially if your trial run is almost over. If it isn't in writing then you don't have a let to stand on. Make sure that BOTH parent's read and sign your contract. If you don't have a handbook maybe now is the time. Trust me. I used to think that I didn't need one when I first started and originally had a 2 page contract one sided. Now my contract is 6 pages front & back and I have a handbook that is 13 pages front & back. I add or change something every year.

Remember that you told them how it would work and they agreed. If dad didn't know about any of this then nows the time to tell him and then let mom and dad hash it out decide to either stay or look for care elsewhere. It's ok if your services aren't a good fit for that family. IMO I don't think it's ok for you to have to change the way you do care to accomodate for a family.

[Lilbutterflie]

I have a similar small-scale daycare also, I take care of 3 siblings & my own two children.
I think it's the perfect time to call a meeting with both of the parents & tell them it's a meeting to discuss the end of the 60 day trial period. Have the parents bring their questions and tell them you have a few things on the agenda to discuss as well. Amend your contract to clearly state your transportation policies and intentions; and also about not staying during drop off due to separation issues. Have a copy ready for each parent to read and discuss. Just lay it all out there and let them know how it will be from now on; no staying during drop off time (for the child's benefit), and that you must have their car seats stay at your house, and transportation permission slips will be sent home for any transportation that will occur outside of school pick-ups and drop-offs. If they don't want their children to go, then they must use alternate daycare for that day at their own expense. I think that if everyone sits down and talks about the issues, you will be able to work it out. (o:
Good luck!

[handemom]

thanks guys, great insight. I knew I came to these boards for a reason, I do understand that some parents may feel weird about going out and about and others do not.

I live in a small country town and there is only so much to do. Today my cousin who is also a daycare provider came over so we could all visit. I was very jealous of how it happened.

we were on the phone, she mentioned "lets have the kids play and do lunch together" I was quick to remind her that I couldn't leave the house. She said to me, "i can't.....thats not a word that you should be using at your age. I'll be over" She has two children herself and today had two Dc children.
She just put them in the van and came on over. While she was here the mother of her 11 month old Dc child called. she told her were she was and the mother said I hope your having a great time!

I was like WTF am I gonna do? these parents are making my lease shorter and shorter. Maybe I don't have the balls (for lack of a better word) to just tell them where the bear sh**s in the woods ya know. I need the money and the pay isn't that fabulous, but it's better than not working......Both my children are FINALLY in school all day and after 10 years I was wanting to go to work....but I don't want my kiddos without me on half days, vacations and summer vaca. so I put up with this crap.

[Abigail]

I would think about what you could do to take on a few more children. Make sure you offer what families want for their children and have a clean house and nice advertising to bring in better families. Lay the rules out right, but in a nice manner even though you're stressed. Make sure to present yourself as a child-friendly business and tell them, "This is what we do at such and such daycare...." instead of asking them

As for the current family, I would sit down and go through things again with them or at least the parts that need changing. Are they your only family right now that you're providing care to? This may contribute to how they treat you. I personally wouldn't give someone a 60-day trial, I think a two-week trial is plenty. I also, for my own safety, would buy a car seat to keep for myself in my vehicle. What if you had an emergency? If you're in a small town, it might be best to drive to the ER or clinic vs. waiting for an ambulance right?