This Kid Is Killing Me...Any Advice?

[SunshineMama]

1. Give her 2 naps. One nap a day for a baby that age is nuts. Sleep begets sleep. Usually they nap 3.5 hours after they wake up... Try napping her at 10am for an hour and 2pm, for as long as she will sleep. It will take a few days or weeks even to get her back to a normal schedule.

2. Keep offering foods at the same time regularly, as well as bottles. try to make it fun or a game.

3. Consider putting her in a play yard with her own toys. She may fight it for a while, but if she can see you and the other kids, and is safe, then that may help her adjust.

4. At around 10 months, (at least for every baby and dck I have had at that age), they get separation anxiety and want to be held all the time. I know you have a newborn, so its not realistic that you can do that. I ended up terming both 10 month olds that I had for those reasons. They never adjusted and their needs were too great, and wasnt going to take away from my baby at the time to console them all day. I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge that it wasnt going to work.

Hopefully you can work everything out, but dont feel like a failure if you can't. Enjoy your sweet baby

[daycarediva]

I'd agree with the pp's who say, first of all, she needs 2 naps. SHe may not think so, but you know better.

I'd lay her down for an hour in the morning, right after breakfast (8:30 or 9 ish). Start some sort of mini-routine with her, like a sleepy song and saying night night to all her friends. Then, put her down.

She can sleep in there, she can play in there, she can scream. But, do not go back in until nap time is over. I'd say one hour. Then, have a wake-up routine. A silly "wake up" song. Use this each time HER nap time is over, as well as in the afternoon when everyone's nap time is over. No matter how much she's fussing, act like you are happy to see her and yay! now we can go play. IN the afternoon, it's however YOU say nap time is. Again, what she does in bed is her business. Kind of leading a horse to water, IMO.

I'm a big fan of extenal cues like the songs, or setting "alarms" on your cellphone that signal transitions (ex: the gummy bear song goes off on mine every day when it's breakfast). When my toddlers last year had trouble with napping, I sang the same inane "nighty nighty nighty night" song every day at lunch. My licenser laughed her head off one day when THEY started singing it at the lunch table.

In your playroom, I would completely baby proof. Trash can UP, pictures on walls UP, lego corner gated off, etc. The constant redirection has to be exhausting for both of you. She's only 9 months old, so she cannot remember very long what's "off limits". I really think it's possilbe to baby-proof for a 9 month old. A 20 month old is something entirely different.

Keep your whole routine for the next 2 weeks as absolutly consistent as possible. That means, where you are playing (downstairs, upstairs, and outside) and when you are there. She needs it to the same every day for a while so she gets it. It's just not a good time for being flexible. If you put her in the excersaucer when your upstairs, then that's where she goes EVERY time. You can acknowledge her feelings; "I know you don't like being in the excercauser, but you need to be safe when we are upstairs".

THIS! I feel awful for the baby (and you!) that is entirely too many transitions at once. I would definitely give it another 2 weeks, let Mom know that you are going to be getting dcg back on schedule and that you hope they are on board as well because you miss happy dcg and feel awful that she is such a grump all day.

It sounds as if she is running the show at home and honestly, it may not work at all to get her back on track at your house, but with a previously happy, well adjusted child, it's more likely.

[My3cents]

Something else to think about is possible ear infections. That would make a baby cry all day- and teething. Some kids teeth horrible! Others breeze through like it is nothing.

Once had a baby that cried all the time, come to find out the baby needed tubes in the ears.

separation anxiety is big at this age too

[brookeroo]

I don't really even consider what routine parents are doing at home. I've had mothers write out a schedule they follow. I've had them tell me during interviews how their children sleep. I don't even bother with it anymore. It just goes in with their contract but I don't really even read them or ask anymore because it's irrelevant.

At my house I use a routine that works for me. As far as I'm concerned they don't need to know what I'm doing unless they ask and they don't ask unless it's a problem at home. (I never get asked unless they are trying to time doctors appointments or pick ups).

I have had parents tell me their kids nap patterns and it almost never matches what they need here. I have parents that don't allow their children to nap at home and they will take two here. My naps for children under 2 are approximately 7:00am-9:00am and then 12:30p-3:00p. I almost always have to wake them up. The only problems I've run into are the part timers who's parents don't work every day and therefore they sleep ridiculous lengths of hours at home and have no desire to sleep here. Screws up my days and my break during the late nap time.

Any child that is that young needs to have two naps. Based on my experiences day to day, I don't think you necessarily need to follow what they are doing at home. If she's tired (which she should be if she's not getting the sleep she needs at home), she will sleep, routine or none. I'm willing to bet that if you start giving her that much things might get a little better. If she's over tired that in itself will cause a total crabby patty....a lot of times over tired kids fight their naps. I would just keep putting her down and letting her cry it out... same time every day and eventually she will give in and realize screaming and crying isn't going to change anything.

I agree with the teething or infections/illness thing. Usually every time there is a major change in a child like you are seeing this is the reason why. Keep an eye on that. Especially if it's not typical behavior for them. Children do go through phases. Often they are short lived. They can take weeks and sometimes months but usually they grow out of them sooner than later. It just seems like forever when you are dealing with it.

I'm sure you are worn out with a newborn and your patience could be thin as well. I honestly don't know how you do it. I would never be able to work that soon after having a baby. In fact my son still went to daycare many days after I had my daughter while I was still working. When it comes to babies that young I would give it at least two months from me attempting to correct the problem in my own ways. I just like to give it enough time to work itself out and see if there is anything I can change or do differently even if the parent isn't willing to.

It doesn't really matter what the parent wants in this because you are probably spending more time each week with their child awake than they are. You have to do what is best for your mental health and quality of care you can provide all of the kids ...including but not limited to that child as well.

For you it may be harder because you have a newborn. I couldn't tell you what your threshold is or should be in your case. I just know how much I would give and what I would do.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

9 months old and weaning off breastmilk??????? MAYBE baby is hungry! They need the fat and nutrients from formula or BM until they are 1!

[brookeroo]

9 months old and weaning off breastmilk??????? MAYBE baby is hungry! They need the fat and nutrients from formula or BM until they are 1!

I would seriously hope they at least switched to formula.

[cheerfuldom]

They weaned onto formula not regular milk!

AND i dont feel that my newborn is a factor in this. he is already sleeping from 11 to 7, nurses while we co sleep and goes right back to bed. I have heard him cry maaaaybe a dozen times since he was born almost a month ago....yes, he is the easier baby ever LOL I say this to point out that yes this daycare girl is exhausting but she is exhausting on her own, it has nothing to do with my current personal workload even though I have four kids of my own. i dont think she is crying to be held because even when mom or i hold her, she does not stop crying.

yesterday she had one long nap and then went home and slept thru the night. i used this to point out to mom that a good nap HELPS her daughter sleep thru the night. we shouldnt be cutting out daytime sleep in order for her to sleep more at night....thats not how babies work.

[LK5kids]

I'd agree with the pp's who say, first of all, she needs 2 naps. SHe may not think so, but you know better.

I'd lay her down for an hour in the morning, right after breakfast (8:30 or 9 ish). Start some sort of mini-routine with her, like a sleepy song and saying night night to all her friends. Then, put her down.

She can sleep in there, she can play in there, she can scream. But, do not go back in until nap time is over. I'd say one hour. Then, have a wake-up routine. A silly "wake up" song. Use this each time HER nap time is over, as well as in the afternoon when everyone's nap time is over. No matter how much she's fussing, act like you are happy to see her and yay! now we can go play. IN the afternoon, it's however YOU say nap time is. Again, what she does in bed is her business. Kind of leading a horse to water, IMO.

I'm a big fan of extenal cues like the songs, or setting "alarms" on your cellphone that signal transitions (ex: the gummy bear song goes off on mine every day when it's breakfast). When my toddlers last year had trouble with napping, I sang the same inane "nighty nighty nighty night" song every day at lunch. My licenser laughed her head off one day when THEY started singing it at the lunch table.

In your playroom, I would completely baby proof. Trash can UP, pictures on walls UP, lego corner gated off, etc. The constant redirection has to be exhausting for both of you. She's only 9 months old, so she cannot remember very long what's "off limits". I really think it's possilbe to baby-proof for a 9 month old. A 20 month old is something entirely different.

Keep your whole routine for the next 2 weeks as absolutly consistent as possible. That means, where you are playing (downstairs, upstairs, and outside) and when you are there. She needs it to the same every day for a while so she gets it. It's just not a good time for being flexible. If you put her in the excersaucer when your upstairs, then that's where she goes EVERY time. You can acknowledge her feelings; "I know you don't like being in the excercauser, but you need to be safe when we are upstairs".

I LOVE this.....wonderful advice.