Q About Biting, What To Say When A DCK Gets Bit

[Lyss]

gie the toddler something cold to chew on. I bet she is teething.

Most of my biters have been biters out of frustration rather than teething but it's a good idea to check for teething issues too.

The mom is definitely not happy . She said she is disapointed it happened a second time. Thats what seems to bother her the most . I feel really bad. Im mad at myself too about it happening a 2nd time.

I worked in a center awhile back where we had a "terrible" biter (terrible as in it was her reaction to everything, constant biting) and of course the one child that she got the worst was the one kid who had the most sensitive and overprotective parents (it broke skin) and i was terrifed to tell them! Thankfully they actually took it ok (although they did take DCG to dr ). We didn't kick out the biter (her mom was working really hard with us) and eventually she grew out of it. I really try to work with parent's of biters now (unless it gets out of hand) because I remember how hard that DCM struggled and how terrified of losing her daycare she was.

My DD (12mos) has recently started biting when she gets frustrated and I posted about how to deal with it as it's been awhile since I had one to deal with. MarinaVanessa posted a great response (thanks MV!!) https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ghlight=biting

[LaLa1923]

Yes she is aggressive in other ways . I think its because her cousin eho is 2months older is aggressive to her when mil watches her & her cousin on the days she doesn't come here. I think the root cause is that cousin of hers . Im not sure if I should tell her parents that though. It might cause drama between her and the parents of the other child, or just might need to be left well alone. I do think they should probably keep her seperated from the cousin so she doesn't continue to rub off on her and have problems else where.

Oh also... She was lying on the floor face up and my son (her age) was sitting next to her. He put his foot near her face ( not on porpose, it just ended up there) and I watched to see if she would do anything. She grabbed it and opened her mouth, I stopped her and told her NO YOU DONT BITe and stuck her in the pack n play I had set up . So its liekly to happen again if I dont keep them seperated at all times. Im getting that play yard I saw on sale at babies r us.

What pack and play did u find on sale?


And btw- what's an infraction? Bc i think I accidently made one??

[Holiday Park]

A play yard ... Those gates that wrap around into a big circle . Hmm maybe i used the wrong word for it. I post on my phone , so it might have changed one of my words to infraction(?) .

[Sprouts]

U can share thus info with the parents, don't ever make it seem like ur fault either. Kids can be very sneaky unfortunately. My ds was the biter here and I felt really bad, but I looked for the cause and it happened to be he was teething and he also would get frustrated when the other baby would take a toy from him

sighthttp://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_f...ing_and_biting

All people have aggressive feelings. As adults, we learn how to control these feelings. Children, however, are often physically aggressive B they hit, bite and scratch others. These behaviors are fairly common and often appear by the child's first birthday. Parents often struggle over how to manage their child's aggressive and/or destructive behavior.

While some biting can occur during normal development, persistent biting can be a sign that a child has emotional or behavioral problems. While many children occasionally fight with or hit others, frequent and/or severe physical aggression may mean that a child is having serious emotional or behavioral problems that require professional evaluation and intervention. Persistent fighting or biting when a child is in daycare or preschool can be a serious problem. At this age, children have much more contact with peers and are expected to be able to make friends and get along.

BITING
Many children start aggressive biting between one and three years of age. Biting can be a way for a child to test his or her power or to get attention. Some children bite because they are unhappy, anxious or jealous. Sometimes biting may result from excessive or harsh discipline or exposure to physical violence. Parents should remember that children who are teething might also bite. Biting is the most common reason children get expelled from day care.

What to do:

Say "no", immediately, in a calm but firm and disapproving tone.
For a toddler (1-2 years), firmly hold the child, or put the child down.
For a young child (2-3 years) say, "biting is not okay because it hurts people."
Do NOT bite a child to show how biting feels. This teaches the child aggressive behavior.
If biting persists, try a negative consequence. For example, do not hold or play with a child for five minutes after he or she bites.
If these techniques or interventions are not effective, parents should talk to their pediatrician or family physician.

FIGHTING AND HITTING
Toddlers and preschool age children often fight over toys. Sometimes children are unintentionally rewarded for aggressive behavior. For example, one child may push another child down and take away a toy. If the child cries and walks away, the aggressive child feels successful since he or she got the toy. It is important to identify whether this pattern is occurring in children who are aggressive.

What to do:

It is more effective to intervene before a child starts hitting. For example, intervene as soon as you see the child is very frustrated or getting upset.
When young children fight a lot, supervise them more closely.
If a child hits another child, immediately separate the children. Then try to comfort and attend to the other child.
For a toddler (1-2 years) say, "No hitting. Hitting hurts."
For a young child (2-3 years) say, "I know you are angry, but don't hit. Hitting hurts." This begins to teach empathy to your child.
Do NOT hit a child if he or she is hitting others. This teaches the child to use aggressive behavior.
Parents should not ignore or down play fighting between siblings.
When hitting or fighting is frequent, it may be a sign that a child has other problems. For example, he or she may be sad or upset, have problems controlling anger, have witnessed violence or may have been the victim of abuse at day care, school, or home.

Research has shown that children who are physically aggressive at a younger age are more likely to continue this behavior when they are older. Studies have also shown that children who are repeatedly exposed to violence and aggression from TV, videos and movies act more aggressively. If a young child has a persistent problem with fighting, biting or aggressive behavior, parents should seek professional assistance from a child and adolescent psychiatrist or other mental health professional who specializes in the evaluation and treatment of behavior problems in very young children.

[Holiday Park]

Accidental double post ... I thought I was adding pictures&editing.

[Holiday Park]

This is what I bought last night.
This is how big I plan to make it.


Please excuse the mess, Im rearranging the entire play room so toys are all over. Thank goodness the room is huge to begin with ! 18ft+ long by 16ft wide. With 2 extensions the super yard will be 8ft by 5ft . More than plenty room for 1 infant or toddler . There is 1 one hour time frame in the morning they play /eat before morning nap. And two 3 hour tome frames of awake time after that I ca rotate them between the enclosure, eating lunch, one on one time, etc..
I already told bitten baby's mom about my plan and that if I have to replace biter, or tell biters family no more Fridays ( thats the only day she is there when he is) I will .
I only keep 1-2 kids at a time , 3 if I have the drop in infant . The child who got bit is my only FT'er and is a infant who advanced early in motor skills . He is cruising already and wanting to do everything the 14 month olds are doing ( one 14month old is my son, the other is the biter) . I suspect his age/developmental stage is why she feels she can push him around ( poke at him, try to push him,the biting ) and not do those things to my son despite the fact he is as big as she is physically and already wanting to walk and everything . Mentally he is still just a "little baby" .
I'm thinking I need to tell biters mom about her "probation" / 3strike rule (1mote time left and thats it) , or wait till I give out the new handbooks this week that already explain that . It might only be 1-2 weeks or less before I might have to terminate on the spot ( for fridays at least) . There is a chance bitten baby's mom might terminate over the bites, anyway. She hasn't replied to my texts since she was told about her kid being bitten. either shes mad or shes just busy working (she works a lot) . Or she may choose to remove him if she doesn't like all the new policies in my handbook, such as $20.00 a day late fees, etc.. Because her mom (babies gramma who picks him up often) has already threatened to "find some one else" when I got onto the mom about her mom picking up late.

[LaLa1923]

Wow! Nice! I might have to look that up

[LaLa1923]

How much was it on sale for,?

[Holiday Park]

Ok, so I originally saw one for sale at Babies R Us,but it was their store brand and they didn't sell the extensions for it. But it is 54.something I think.

I ended up paying full price for the " Super Yard" Ultimate ,with open/close gate . Went back and bought 2 extensions to make a 10 panel square . It's HUGE now . They only had them in color. So I'm going to exchange the the 6 panel plain one for a color one . And I'll post again from my phone,when I take a picture of it completed :-)

I got a text back from bitten baby's mom, and she said no need to end care with the other one, and she feels the play yard will help "and along with the other mom working with her child at home" and that she understands because she was a biter when she was little... Hmmm Well, after reading that big long thread on biting (the sticky) I'm not sure it's something that will just go away if mom&dad are working on it at home,and there is no one else for her to bite. She is only around other babies, when she is at my house. I'm glad she is being understanding about it though! I am about to email the mom though,and ask her to please keep in close communication with me from now on,about this so we are o the same page.

I didn't mention this but 2-3 weeks ago when she first tried to bite my son twice (I was able to stop it,and it didn't reoccur with him after that) and I told her mom,only then did she tell me they were having that problem at home(with her biting mom&dad,shes a only child) . I was not happy that she waited until I had to ask and that there was 2 bite attempts on my son ,before even telling me they had that problem . Then Friday when I texted her about the biting incidents on the baby, she asked if it broke skin and left bruises. I cant help but to think if she asked that, maybe she has already broken skin and left bruises on other people (in their family) . Fortunately it was only two tiny red marks on the baby, they were very light bites I guess. I did tell the baby's gramma at pick up that they might turn into bruises,but as of then,there was hardly a single mark left. The red marks were almost completely gone to the point where you could barely see them any more. I'll attach the pictures (in my next post) I took of both bites, 2 hours after they both happened.

[LaLa1923]

Ok, so I originally saw one for sale at Babies R Us,but it was their store brand and they didn't sell the extensions for it. But it is 54.something I think.

I ended up paying full price for the " Super Yard" Ultimate ,with open/close gate . Went back and bought 2 extensions to make a 10 panel square . It's HUGE now . They only had them in color. So I'm going to exchange the the 6 panel plain one for a color one . And I'll post again from my phone,when I take a picture of it completed :-)

I got a text back from bitten baby's mom, and she said no need to end care with the other one, and she feels the play yard will help "and along with the other mom working with her child at home" and that she understands because she was a biter when she was little... Hmmm Well, after reading that big long thread on biting (the sticky) I'm not sure it's something that will just go away if mom&dad are working on it at home,and there is no one else for her to bite. She is only around other babies, when she is at my house. I'm glad she is being understanding about it though! I am about to email the mom though,and ask her to please keep in close communication with me from now on,about this so we are o the same page.

I didn't mention this but 2-3 weeks ago when she first tried to bite my son twice (I was able to stop it,and it didn't reoccur with him after that) and I told her mom,only then did she tell me they were having that problem at home(with her biting mom&dad,shes a only child) . I was not happy that she waited until I had to ask and that there was 2 bite attempts on my son ,before even telling me they had that problem . Then Friday when I texted her about the biting incidents on the baby, she asked if it broke skin and left bruises. I cant help but to think if she asked that, maybe she has already broken skin and left bruises on other people (in their family) . Fortunately it was only two tiny red marks on the baby, they were very light bites I guess. I did tell the baby's gramma at pick up that they might turn into bruises,but as of then,there was hardly a single mark left. The red marks were almost completely gone to the point where you could barely see them any more. I'll attach the pictures (in my next post) I took of both bites, 2 hours after they both happened.

The cheapest I saw them for were $95?? I really like the color one but do you think it would be too much (for babies ) with toys attached and on the inside of it?? The xlt i saw seemed to be the same and walmart has the grey one for $59. The only difference is no door. I want one but I'm not sure if I want the colored one...

I'm happy for you that the mom of the baby that was bitten is ok with you and everything that happened.


ALSO, from the research I've done it seems like it would be cheaper to buy 2 kits, instead of extensions. Amazon sells them too.

[Holiday Park]

The beige colored one (whole thing) was 89. . The colors one (same exact thing) is 94 or something . Like,6 bucks more for it to be colored. I see how getting an entire whole one, would be cheaper than buying two boxes of extension gates. Then I could have two seperate super yards,if I ever wanted. Unfortuately, I couldn't afford to buy two. I saw some people selling some used ones for cheaper ,on ebay. But I had to use $ on my babies r us credit card .
We get really strapped for money in December, and I'm looking for a FT child,whether or not to replace the Part timer ,(who I am losing $ ,having especially now that I have to spend extra time shadowing her cuz of the biting)
I'm waiting till tax return $ time,to pay off my debts,and hoping by Spring to have a new baby. I 'm thinking/hoping this super yard will help me ,even more,and give a younger baby a place to play,safely away from the toddlers. The comment above about having an 8 month old play around the 14 month old's really got me thinking. I have a FTT baby,who is also 8 months that comes very PT (drop in/occasional) she is tiny,wears 3 month clothing and is behind in her motor skills,o she isn't crawling or anything ,and I HAVE to keep her away from from my 14 month old,and even the other 8 month old, just because they are SO much bigger than her. So I see it as an investment,and will certainly be including it as a purchased item for my childcare,when I do my taxes.

Why would it be bad to have toys and stuff for a baby,in the Super Yard ? What would they play with then? If I stick the 8 moth old (the one that got bit) in there with nothing,he would go bonkers and want out, because he is already crawling&cruising and he loves to play with all the interactive toys I have. I can step into there,to give him one on one attention,read to him,etc.. and they all can take turns being rotated out,between being in that ,and out of it. I plan to rotate the toys out too. The room is really big, so there is still room to walk/crawl around and play even on the outside of it .

[LaLa1923]

The beige colored one (whole thing) was 89. . The colors one (same exact thing) is 94 or something . Like,6 bucks more for it to be colored. I see how getting an entire whole one, would be cheaper than buying two boxes of extension gates. Then I could have two seperate super yards,if I ever wanted. Unfortuately, I couldn't afford to buy two. I saw some people selling some used ones for cheaper ,on ebay. But I had to use $ on my babies r us credit card .
We get really strapped for money in December, and I'm looking for a FT child,whether or not to replace the Part timer ,(who I am losing $ ,having especially now that I have to spend extra time shadowing her cuz of the biting)
I'm waiting till tax return $ time,to pay off my debts,and hoping by Spring to have a new baby. I 'm thinking/hoping this super yard will help me ,even more,and give a younger baby a place to play,safely away from the toddlers. The comment above about having an 8 month old play around the 14 month old's really got me thinking. I have a FTT baby,who is also 8 months that comes very PT (drop in/occasional) she is tiny,wears 3 month clothing and is behind in her motor skills,o she isn't crawling or anything ,and I HAVE to keep her away from from my 14 month old,and even the other 8 month old, just because they are SO much bigger than her. So I see it as an investment,and will certainly be including it as a purchased item for my childcare,when I do my taxes.

Why would it be bad to have toys and stuff for a baby,in the Super Yard ? What would they play with then? If I stick the 8 moth old (the one that got bit) in there with nothing,he would go bonkers and want out, because he is already crawling&cruising and he loves to play with all the interactive toys I have. I can step into there,to give him one on one attention,read to him,etc.. and they all can take turns being rotated out,between being in that ,and out of it. I plan to rotate the toys out too. The room is really big, so there is still room to walk/crawl around and play even on the outside of it .

What I mean is having the multi colored one (id love it) might be too stimulating for a baby with all the toys also in it. KWIM? As opposed to getting the white or grey one and then adding color to it with the toys. I don't know which one to get

[Holiday Park]

Oh yeah, thas why I got the plain one ! Lol but then when I bought the extensions, they only had the color ones in stock and the plain panels looked so boring. So I exchanged it for a colored one . I think it will be ok. I wont make it look too "busy" any way. ;-) I'm more concerned about the babies who have had total freedom having to adjust to being confined, even if it is a big space. I tried putting my 14 month old in it so he wouldn't follow me around while I moved furniture around (to keep him safe) and he didn't like it . OH well they will have to get used to it. They will get to switch between being in it, and out of it so it will be for short periods . And mainly used for giving any one of them needed "personal space" .

[MarinaVanessa]

Hi, sorry that I didn't see the updates until now and you've already talked to the DCM of the bitten child.

I just wanted to say (and I forgot to mention it earlier) that I never tell the parents of the bitten child the name of the child that bit. I just tell them that their child was bitten by another DC child and then my plan of action.

If they insist to know who the aggressor was I just say that because of privacy policies that I can't give them the name. When I talk to the parents of the child that bit (the aggresor) I also don't tell them the name of the child who was bitten. The reason is because you don't want the parents to confront each other and for things to escalate to a verbal or physical altercation.

[Holiday Park]

I didn't tell her the name f the child that was bit, but because I said her dd also tried biting my son, she knew who it was. This boy is the only one who I watch besides her child, on Fridays. I guess I could have worded it more carefully.

UPDATE : I emailed the mom of the biter to tell her Ineed more communication so I can be on the same page and know what's going on so I know what to look out for and we can work on the biting problem together. She said her dd didn't have a biting problem "yet" , and I'm thinking UM I beg to differ ... She told me that the cousin that her DD stays with at MIl's house started biting her real bad , making bruises and breaking the skin. They fight and so in retaliation her DD now bites the cousin back. I believe she is imitating her cousin's behavior over here even though my son and the 8 month old don't provoke her. I believe she is now in the habit . She told me her and the MIL will tell her no and put her in time out or pop her ( and the cousin's) butt as discipline and she was fine with how I handled it ( firm NO bite, quick time out in pack n play ignoring her, so she had no attention , just negative consequence) .
I want to reply back that I think it's probably a good idea if she took a break from her cousin for a while , or HER biting others may very well get worse. I would offer to bump her to FT (I'm actually advertising for fT) but I don't want to have her FT (even if temporary)until I see how she does the next 1-2 weeks. Of course I can't say that can I ? So I haven't even replied back with anything. I don't know if tht is over stepping by even telling her that the environment she is in ( at MIL's with the cousin) is a bad idea . I know she wants to keep her with family as much as possible and probably not have to pay for any more childcare outside of family . I'm the only one outside family who has had her (shes been with me since 3months. And only 2 days a week. Sometimes family is bot the best solution if the environment is toxic/unhealthy. We are constantly hugging and kissing on my own 14 month old. So you know what he does to everyone ? He is always hugging and kissing on everyone . She is biting and being aggressive because her cousin is doing it to her the days of the week I don't have her. This mom is going to either lose me or her DD will get worse, or both. And I think if she uses a regular home day care , or center it will not be good because she will be a biter entering a place with more #of kids to Adult/s . Because I'm just a license exempt mom who only keeps 2ft with occasional drop ins . Right now I only have 1FT and she is PT.

Anyway, here are the pictures I promised:
Sorry its dark because its night .
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