crying at drop off

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  • shelby
    Daycare.com Member
    • Jun 2012
    • 142

    crying at drop off

    What to do, what to do...
    my dcg cries every morning that daddy drops her off. Right after he walks out the door she tops the huge crying fit and then just wines for a few mins. Then she is all happy!

    She never does this with mom, until this week ... she did it.

    Is this a stage, or something?

    I gave her some cereal in her spill proof snack cup this morning and now she is having the time of her life, playing, carrying it around (which I normally would not let her do)... but its to early to here all the crying!
  • Blackcat31
    • Oct 2010
    • 36124

    #2
    How old is she?

    Transition is tough for some kids and separating from mom and/or dad is the hardest. They simply need to be reassured and they will gradually learn that mom/dad is coming back and that they will have fun while with you.

    Once the parent is gone (or out of eye sight) they usually get over it pretty quick.

    It helps if the parent doesn't drag it out and keep trying to explain how they will be back and etc etc as that usually just adds fuel to the fire IME.

    I would just try to have the same routine every day at drop off. Smile, welcome her in and allow her to be sad but at the same time encourage her to come join you and the other kids when she is feeling better.

    Comment

    • littlemissmuffet
      Advanced Daycare.com Member
      • Jan 2011
      • 2194

      #3
      I have a couple of kids like this who will play one parent (but not the other) at drop-off - cry, scream, kick - the whole works... until the moment the parent leaves.

      I have a few who have gone through a second seperation anxiety months or even years after being here and had a hard time saying goodbye in the morning.

      Either way, I handle it by telling the parent that drop-offs need to be as quick as possible - give the child a quick hug and kiss, assure them you will be back to get them later in the day, pass child over, say goodbye and leave - the process should be about a minute or less.
      I assure the parent that the child will be fine, and even recommend standing outside the door and listening... because WITHOUT FAIL the child always clams almost immediately after the parent leaves.

      Usually within a few days of the quicker drop-offs the child gets over it and starts coming in fine. I find if the parent gives into the drama, sticks around and help try and clam the child it just drags on and makeks it difficult for the child, parent and me.

      Comment

      • daycarediva
        Daycare.com Member
        • Jul 2012
        • 11698

        #4
        Originally posted by littlemissmuffet
        I have a couple of kids like this who will play one parent (but not the other) at drop-off - cry, scream, kick - the whole works... until the moment the parent leaves.

        I have a few who have gone through a second seperation anxiety months or even years after being here and had a hard time saying goodbye in the morning.

        Either way, I handle it by telling the parent that drop-offs need to be as quick as possible - give the child a quick hug and kiss, assure them you will be back to get them later in the day, pass child over, say goodbye and leave - the process should be about a minute or less.
        I assure the parent that the child will be fine, and even recommend standing outside the door and listening... because WITHOUT FAIL the child always clams almost immediately after the parent leaves.

        Usually within a few days of the quicker drop-offs the child gets over it and starts coming in fine. I find if the parent gives into the drama, sticks around and help try and clam the child it just drags on and makeks it difficult for the child, parent and me.
        couldn't have said it better myself. I have a few cool little things/toys I keep up that I use as distractions for any kid who gets upset.

        Comment

        • MarinaVanessa
          Family Childcare Home
          • Jan 2010
          • 7211

          #5
          Originally posted by littlemissmuffet
          Usually within a few days of the quicker drop-offs the child gets over it and starts coming in fine. I find if the parent gives into the drama, sticks around and help try and clam the child it just drags on and makeks it difficult for the child, parent and me.
          Yes this. I've had to deal with it too. Sometimes kids are strange and even if they havn't had an issue at drop-off for a while or even ever they might still do it again later. I see that a lot when the kids turn right around 2 sometimes again in their 3's. They're testy so if you continue with the quick parent drop-offs then it should shorten the amount of time that the DCK cries and before long they'll stop doing it again.

          The parents are the ones that can either feed into it or help lessen the crying. Another pet peeve of mine is the dawdling parent because it only makes it worse. If you have one of those this is how I explain it (in my handbook):

          When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.

          Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.

          Comment

          • shelby
            Daycare.com Member
            • Jun 2012
            • 142

            #6
            She is one, just turned it in Nov. Mom says she has never cried when she left her at daycare. She always crys when dad leaves her. She is so attached to daddy though. I do think that she is very tired when she arrives. Mom and Dad get us around 430 to 500 very morning. She wakes up with them. She comes here around 6 to 6:30 and is rubbing her eyes acting very tired.

            I am thinking that it is a combo of being tired and separation distress as Marina said.

            Dad does not stick around long. He takes her out of her car seat (they only have one, so it comes with her so the other parent will have it at pick up), gives her a hug and kiss, and then hands her to me. He leaves.

            Its just that this week she has been crying longer than in the past. Hopefully next week will be better. I just did not know if there were any other ideas to try with her.

            Comment

            • cheerfuldom
              Advanced Daycare.com Member
              • Dec 2010
              • 7413

              #7
              Text a picture to the parents so they know that kid literally stopped crying as soon as the door closed. that helps parents a lot!

              Comment

              • Scout
                Daycare.com Member
                • Aug 2012
                • 1774

                #8
                The 3yo I wrote about yesterday does this. I just distract her & find this works really quickly.

                My son used to cry at drop off...like sob. I was the parent that would hang out & talk for about 10-15 min. All the mom's did this. This is just what we always did. He would do great for a long time, but, I think about age 3 it began in full force. He once had diarrhea before I left. Of course, I took him home. Well, for the next few months....mommy, but my belly hurts! He thought I would always take him home if he told me he had a belly ache.I think after maybe a month it stopped. She would tell me if I would leave & walk in the side door immediately I would see he would only cry while I was there. Seriously, I felt soooo bad every morning. I would be almost 15 minutes late to work trying to calm him down before I left. So, I can understand the parent's point of view on this also. It will pass.

                Comment

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