Reverse Psychology from a 3 year old!!

[Happy Hearts]

I have a very stubborn just-turned-3 year old. She hates sharing and wants every toy the other child is playing with. When I tell her to play with something else or just continue playing with what you have in your hand she has a complete melt down. She throws herself on the floor and has a fit. I'll put her in the chill chair when she starts to get physical. When I tell her she can come off when she settles down and stops crying. She replies she loves to cry and loves to sit there. Okay then, I say, just sit there. Then she says, no I won't.

It's kind of comical to watch her try to manipulate me. When I ask her after a minute or two if she wants to go have fun and play, she says no, she wants to sit there and cry. I do feel bad and I think there must be something I can do for Contrary Mary. But, she is blatantly defiant and I'm not sure I know how to deal with that.

[Happy Hearts]

okay this just happened. I brought out the water bin filled with water beads. They play happily until she dips her foot in the water. Warning number one. Then she proceeds to break the water beads, warning number two. Another attempt to put her foot, I tell her again if she does it I'm taking it away. Then, I hear her whispering to the other child to put his feet in. I give her a look and turn away. I turn back around and they both have their feet in it. I swoop down, pick it up and off I go to the bathroom to put it in the tub. She's hysterical. It's like she was daring me to take it away. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.

[Blackcat31]

It is super hard to deal with a little one that stubborn, but I think you what you need to do is be swift and quick.

Normally I give kids a reminder, then a warning and then I give a consequence. With kids that are stubborn to the point of defiancy, I won't even remind or warn, just go straight to consequence.

If not using your feet in the sensory bin is a normal rule that you know sh eis aware of, the nano-second she started acting as if she was going to use her feet, I would have swooped right in and told ehr to leave the area.

She IS going to throw a tantrum and she is going to be hysterical but that is all on her. If you give her any attention for it, she is going to keep doing it as the reminders, warnings and attention for the hysterics IS reinforcement to her.

If you are really swift and immediate with ALL things you know she knows better about, then you will really only have to do that for a few days or so until she figures out you are NOT playing and that when you say something you really do mean it.

After she understands that concept, you can start giving her reminders and then the consequence, and after she shows a bit of improvement with her listening skills, you can go back to reminder, warning, consequence.

(((HUGS)))) as these types of stubborn kids will drive you batty if you let them.... I KNOW...my DS was/is one.

[williams2008]

I think I may be caring for her long loss brother. I have a 3 year of dcb who is also very stubborn. I have been wanting to term him for the last couple of months, that's just how defiant he is. I'm thinking to myself it's time for him to go to head start.

[countrymom]

I would have removed her after the second warning. She wants to see how far she can push you so you need to be one step ahead of her.

[mema]

((hugs)) I have one too! I do the straight to the consequence with her. I've been doing it that way since the beginning of October-she still pushes buttons at least 3 times a day. Whatever. The consequence happens, she goes off and gets all worked up and has her fit, we move on without her. Sometimes she cares that we are doing something "fun" and sometimes she doesn't. I have 1 dcb that will cover his ears when she is having a fit and give her the evil eye. It has taken me awhile to get myself to not say things when they are having a fit, but to just walk away. I find that I don't get as frustrated tho and that is a good thing. They may or may not get over it, but I don't need to let it get to me.