Threats to term........

[daycare]

I have a DCF that in the past month has mentioned on two occasions that maybe they need to re think their daycare choice because basically I am not bending over for them.

In my eyes, I see these as threats, saying "I need to rethink having my child being in your care because you close for holidays or you won't let them come sick." THese are the two times that I was told this....


I am so angry right now and already got in a verbal argument with the DCF about it.

It does state in my PHB NO sick kids and that parents are responsible for arranging back up care on days that the daycare is closed.

I know most of you would say get that family out of here...

Well of course that is my first thought as well, but I will be having 3 kids leave in the spring and this family will be 1 of 2 left that are full time.

I want to try to work this out, but as someone else stated in another thread, is it too late to try to work this relationship out since it has left a really bad taste in my mouth?

I am trying really hard NOT to say anything else to the family, as I am overly emotional right now, however, I know me and if I don't say something I won't be able to let the emotions go.

What do you think I should do??? I need to find the right word to use so that I can try to repair this.

[littlemissmuffet]

First time I would have replied with "That's fine, just make sure you give proper notice!"

Second time would have been "You know what, I'll just make it easy on you - your child's final day of care is today. I'll send a hard copy of this termination in the mail. Your continual threats to leave my daycare because I won't break policies for you is disrespectful and that's cause for termination. We're done."

We are one month ahead financially to cover emergency terminations - terminations where I don't give/get notice so I would be able to term immediately. If I wasn't, I would give only enough time to replace the family and be done with them!

[Crystal]

I would simply respond, "Does this mean that you are giving me your notice" and let them respond. OR, what I would PROBABLY say is "I will accept this as your 2 week notice. I will have your letter with the final date of care available for you (insert date/time) " and see them backtrack on their words.

I would NEVER let a family "hold me hostage" with such vague threats. They either give notice or they don't.....they would not be allowed to play these blackmail games with me.

[daycare]

I would simply respond, "Does this mean that you are giving me your notice" and let them respond. OR, what I would PROBABLY say is "I will accept this as your 2 week notice. I will have your letter with the final date of care available for you (insert date/time) " and see them backtrack on their words.

I would NEVER let a family "hold me hostage" with such vague threats. They either give notice or they don't.....they would not be allowed to play these blackmail games with me.

this is exactly how I feel.... I feel as though home daycare was chosen becuse DCF feels that they will be able to have more power and try to dictate rules/policies.

When I was talking to DCF on both terms when the threat was made, I did say well I do understand that my program is not for everyone and next thing you know the DCF back pedals......they start telling me how much they love me how much they love my program, yada yada yada.......

I have stood my ground on both occasions and will not allow for their threats to change my decisions. I just need them to know that I will not play this game...

[melilley]

First time I would have replied with "That's fine, just make sure you give proper notice!"

Second time would have been "You know what, I'll just make it easy on you - your child's final day of care is today. I'll send a hard copy of this termination in the mail. Your continual threats to leave my daycare because I won't break policies for you is disrespectful and that's cause for termination. We're done."

We are one month ahead financially to cover emergency terminations - terminations where I don't give/get notice so I would be able to term immediately. If I wasn't, I would give only enough time to replace the family and be done with them!

I like your idea of saving for emergency terminations! That way you don't have to deal with the bull if you don't want to or if policies aren't being followed!

[countrymom]

start advertising and replace them (I know sometimes its easier said then done) I hate empty threats. I would let it go this time, next time I would let them know that they are done, you can't operate like this, its so wishy washy.

[littlemissmuffet]

I like your idea of saving for emergency terminations! That way you don't have to deal with the bull if you don't want to or if policies aren't being followed!

Absolutely! It took us awhile to get that ahead so that if something were to happen we would be financially fine for one full month and could probably scrape by for a second month. On top of this, we also have an "emergency fund" we contribute to monthly... so we'll eventually be 2 months ahead, three months ahead and so on. We don't use credit cards and we don't have alot of assets we could sell in the event of an emergency - so this is what works for us

[daycare]

start advertising and replace them (I know sometimes its easier said then done) I hate empty threats. I would let it go this time, next time I would let them know that they are done, you can't operate like this, its so wishy washy.

I think what gets to me is that how upset it gets me and I should not be having to deal with that. It's not fair

I have been advertising for months and have had a huge dry spell.

I really want to tell the family, that maybe I should be the one rethinking my decision on wither or not they are the right fit for my program.

I don't make my personal issues known like never being able to go ANY of my school functions, get to call in sick, leave early, and so on. This is my problem, not theirs.
It is what it is. I chose this profession and know that it is part that comes with it. I should not have to defend my reasons to you as to why I need to close.

or Maybe I tell DCF that the next time they make that threat of "we need to rethink our daycare" that I will consider that their termination notice.

they have no leg to stand on, they have no back up care because they have pushed away everyone in their life.... I am not their door mat and you are not going to walk all over me too....

[Willow]

If you're worried about keeping them but still want to drive home how you feel why not just be honest?

"Are you threatening me just because you're angry or because you're trying to hurt my feelings....because you're managed to do both with that statement and I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Then watch them try to stutter out a response.

Explain to them that if they have a problem they can express it to you reasonably and hopefully you can come to an understanding together, but coming across like that isn't going to get anyone anywhere and is only going to sour your working relationship.


Sometimes coming at a situation like that from a place of reason is better than trying to match the anger in it.

[daycare]

If you're worried about keeping them but still want to drive home how you feel why not just be honest?

"Are you threatening me just because you're angry or because you're trying to hurt my feelings....because you're managed to do both with that statement and I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Then watch them try to stutter out a response.

Explain to them that if they have a problem they can express it to you reasonably and hopefully you can come to an understanding together, but coming across like that isn't going to get anyone anywhere and is only going to sour your working relationship.


Sometimes coming at a situation like that from a place of reason is better than trying to match the anger in it.

Willow.... thank you so much for responding.

i totally agree that it is how I deal with it and approach the situation and that it should not be dealt with when I am angry.

I know that this family has some personal issues and could be where DCF anger comes from, but I will still not stand to be your floor mat.

I need to put an email together and talk with the DCF about it, I know me and I know that I won't let it go...... OR should I and the next time they threaten it say that I am terming??

[Willow]

I would send it now if I were you.

No reason you should be left to dwell on it and it'll hopefully stop it from popping up again

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Willow.... thank you so much for responding.

i totally agree that it is how I deal with it and approach the situation and that it should not be dealt with when I am angry.

I know that this family has some personal issues and could be where DCF anger comes from, but I will still not stand to be your floor mat.

I need to put an email together and talk with the DCF about it, I know me and I know that I won't let it go...... OR should I and the next time they threaten it say that I am terming??

I would send them an e-mail immediately saying they caught you off guard with their second threat to leave your daycare. State what you are not willing to accept when it comes to a working relationship, and what they need to do to remain your client. I'd also state that if this doesn't jive well with them then to let you know and you will consider it their two weeks notice.

Good grief.

[daycare]

I would send it now if I were you.

No reason you should be left to dwell on it and it'll hopefully stop it from popping up again

I think my issue of sending it now is that I am still very angry and emotional about it. Of course the issues with this family lie deeper than this and I have let some of their personal decision that they make for their family bother me. Well I guess it is because their personal decisions are affecting me... Like they are living well beyond their means and therefore can't take any time off of work so they complain when the daycare is closed. BUT then will take days off to go shopping in the city????

UGH

so can I ask willow what you would say?? That might be helpful to me. Because what I want to say and what I should say are two totally different things....

[daycare]

Maybe I will wait until Monday to address it when I am less upset about it

[Mom&Provider]

I think in alot of cases we are so worried about confrontation and standing our ground, but if we just did it...we'd be amazed at what happens! LOL!

I'm included in the 'needs more balls' category, BUT if I had a parent tell me these things I'd offer them their leave.