Can a soured relationship be saved?

[Logged Out]

In your experience, when a provider/DCparent relationship has gone south, it is just downhill or can it be saved and smooth sailing again?

I have a family that's been with me almost a year and I've tried to "let them go" multiple times but they always end up staying. But things are really getting dramatic lately and they don't like me much and I don't like them much anymore either. No problem with the child, but the adults we're all sick of each other.

I tried my darndest to be sooooooo professional, soooooooooo polite, but also very firm in my policies.

They are toying with the idea of leaving, I've seen their ad on Care.com and I really do hope they go. Them leaving would be much better than me having to term once and for all.

Basically, it's just a matter of time, I predict. Should I wait it out, or end it now? I'm afraid of things going downhill and ending up with more conflict than there already is. But I wish they'd leave instead of me having to make them mad by terming.

[sharlan]

IMHO, once the relationship has soured, there's no way to repair it. It's time to let it go and move on.

[MarinaVanessa]

IMHO, once the relationship has soured, there's no way to repair it. It's time to let it go and move on.

I second this ... if both you and the other DCP's are mutually sick of each other then the tension is going to get really thick (if it hasn't already) and it's going to get old quickly.

Personally I'm now one to confront most issues head on and up front but if I'm cautious about a situation turning really bad (like angering a client and fearing that they'll cause trouble like calling licensing or bad mouthing my daycare) then I let it be their choice and I make the conscience decision to not let them get to me and "kill them with kindness". I continue to stay firm on enforcing my policies but always with a smile and friendly tone. "Oh I'm sorry Susan, can you save that donut in your car for when you pick little Timmy up. No junk food here" or "Sure you can pay on Monday Susan. Don't forget that your total will be $180 instead of $160 ... you know, because of late fees." .

Otherwise I'd just talk to her directly and confront it so that we don't have to drag it on longer than necessary.

"Susan, I know things have been really tense between us and that you're looking for different child care arrangements. Honestly I can't say that I disagree with that decision. I think that at this point the way things are headed it's probably in everyone's best interest to go our seperate ways. I want to help make this transition as smooth as possible for little Timmy so if you would like to mention to him that he will be switching daycare's soon [hints that they can't take their sweet time] then that would be a good idea. Just know that I care for him deeply and even though I wish things were different it's apparent that my daycare can't meet your needs, which is ok. Just remember that I need a minimum of 2 weeks notice in writing when you find childcare...." etc.

They might just be fishing and testing the waters by posting an ad but not really proactive KWIM.

If you really want them out soon you might even think of offering to let them off the hook for the 2 week notice. This way you are being obliging and cooperative and make it as easy as possible for them to go. You may even mention to her that she can tell her potential new daycare to call you for a reference. You can leave out the bad stuff of course and if asked just say that DCB is great but you are no longer able to meet their needs and due to privacy policy you can't disclose any further information etc.

[littlemissmuffet]

As a business owner, I would terminate. I wonder why you haven't yet? You don't want this family, they don't like you and you know they are looking for other care so end it already!

[Unregistered]

I have already told them MANY times, "My hours are changing, if you can't make it by my new closing time I understand and wish you the best of luck finding new childcare." and other such things all ending in "Good luck finding new childcare" but everytime they come back with, "No no, DCG is happy there and that's what's most important to us. We don't want to leave, we've made the arrangements we need to be able to stay"


I mean, I either have to push them out by enforcing my policies to death to the point that they really go through with their toying around with leaving idea. Or, just cut it and say look, it's over, your end date is xx.

I only have a one week notice period, one week deposit. I can tell them they have one week to leave.

BUT I hate the backlash of them being MAD that I'm terming them, even though they don't like me anyway and don't REALLY want to be here anymore.

AND December is going to be really really tight on money for me. I have plenty of money coming back in again in January and February.

I just hate this side of things. I have a term email ready and waiting I just can't decide if I should pull the trigger and send it tonight, or just keep waiting it out and hope they leave on their own very soon.

My coworker/business partner supports me totally either way.