I Don't Think I Can Keep Doing This!!!

[lolaland]

It was very clear to me Wich were the 2 main sources of stress... so I just termed a high maintenance family and instead of relief I feel terrible!!! The family almost begged me to reconsider... I know in the long run it was the right decision but for now my heart is broken!! Next 2 weeks are going to be pure torture!!!

[lolaland]

Why I call this family "high maintenance": It's the family that wants their kid to be fed organic and vegetarian (explaining how stressful this turned out to be is another all new thread by it self..)... its also the family that between drop off and pick up spends in my daycare in average 1hour per day... its also the family that will stay until the kid feels like leaving and meanwhile the parents will use my bathroom, lay on the kids bed, interact with the other kids, ask questions to other kids about their lifes and "what did you do today?"... its also the kid that when he has a regular cold will cry all day (and has been for ever with colds on and off but as soon as I pick him up and give him undivided attention he's perfectly fine... until I put him down and all the crying starts again) ... the kid that every day when wakes up at nap time will cry his head off for at least 30 minutes not letting no one else sleep any longer... the kid that when he's tired will fall apart crying (and he starts acting tired around 9.30 am) ... am I being unfair when I say they are "high maintenance "? They are lovely family but these details are burning me up inside!!

[countrymom]

don't feel bad. that would drive me crazy too. The reason they are begging you to keep them on because they know no one else will take them, thats not your problem. they created the problem themselves.

[LittleD]

Guilt seems to be a theme when terming families. Yes you will feel guilty but let me tell you, once they are gone for a few mths, you will ask your self "why didn't I do this sooner?"

Like a pp said, you have to look after yourself first.
And you may notice an unexpected change in your other kids behaviour (for the better) after they are gone as well. I'm sure they feel the tension from this kid!

[grateday]

I thought I was reading something I wrote here

Why I call this family "high maintenance": It's the family that wants their kid to be fed organic and vegetarian (explaining how stressful this turned out to be is another all new thread by it self..)... its also the family that between drop off and pick up spends in my daycare in average 1hour per day... its also the family that will stay until the kid feels like leaving and meanwhile the parents will use my bathroom, lay on the kids bed, interact with the other kids, ask questions to other kids about their lifes and "what did you do today?"... its also the kid that when he has a regular cold will cry all day (and has been for ever with colds on and off but as soon as I pick him up and give him undivided attention he's perfectly fine... until I put him down and all the crying starts again) ... the kid that every day when wakes up at nap time will cry his head off for at least 30 minutes not letting no one else sleep any longer... the kid that when he's tired will fall apart crying (and he starts acting tired around 9.30 am) ... am I being unfair when I say they are "high maintenance "? They are lovely family but these details are burning me up inside!!

I ended up taking a family back after terming them. My DH did not like them using us as a pit stop. Walking around all over the house and staying 30 min for PU/DO chatting with me or kids. I had to tell them everything as if it were me feeling these thoughts because I was protecting DH. I am bad at boundaries because I was raised in an boundary open family.
It feels bad seeing them and how its different but its my emotions not theirs.

[Holiday Park]

Wow aland, I have a pt (who is on a temporary 3wk FT contract) young toddler who is exactly like how you describe. But when new people are around she is worse (but super charming &affection toward them) on all of those things to the point whete if I am on the other aide of the gate she cries hard and if I get stern with her or ignore it im agraid it makes me look like a huge meanie and I really think she knows this somehow ad plays into that.

Im glad its only pt . Her parents are really nice so whenever I think about ending care, I start thinking sbout how nice the parents are and can't do it . Lol

[providerandmomof4]

I was feeling the same way you are describing last Friday. I was on the verge of terming one family and if that didn't ease my stress level then I was going to term some more....It was a bad week for me. I wrote a term letter and went over it all weekend, making sure it was perfectly clear, then......things got better. My kids went back to school, the holidays were over and for me....and this is really embarrassing....I started (that time of the month) For me, pms is a very real, added stress, in my already hectic life.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation, because it sounds very stressful, but I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes when I think.....If this is how my days are going to be, then I would rather be doing anything else other than daycare. Then....things change. Sometimes I change the situation, and sometimes they change on their own. I would give it a week and see if it gets better. But that's just me.

[lolaland]

I was feeling the same way you are describing last Friday. I was on the verge of terming one family and if that didn't ease my stress level then I was going to term some more....It was a bad week for me. I wrote a term letter and went over it all weekend, making sure it was perfectly clear, then......things got better. My kids went back to school, the holidays were over and for me....and this is really embarrassing....I started (that time of the month) For me, pms is a very real, added stress, in my already hectic life.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation, because it sounds very stressful, but I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes when I think.....If this is how my days are going to be, then I would rather be doing anything else other than daycare. Then....things change. Sometimes I change the situation, and sometimes they change on their own. I would give it a week and see if it gets better. But that's just me.

I gave it 4 months.... I felt many times on the verge of terming... nothing got better and this family was becoming more and more controling/invasive. No turning back. A couple hours ago they left me a voicemail informing they found other care and their kid would not return to my daycare the next 2 last weeks... so even dough my heart is still heavy (cannot really understand why...), the guilt is gone. Now it's time to let Time do its job - HEAL.

[lolaland]

don't feel bad. that would drive me crazy too. The reason they are begging you to keep them on because they know no one else will take them, thats not your problem. they created the problem themselves.

Thank you Good to know I'm not the only one that thinks this was a bad fit.

[lolaland]

Guilt seems to be a theme when terming families. Yes you will feel guilty but let me tell you, once they are gone for a few mths, you will ask your self "why didn't I do this sooner?"

Like a pp said, you have to look after yourself first.
And you may notice an unexpected change in your other kids behaviour (for the better) after they are gone as well. I'm sure they feel the tension from this kid!

Thank you. The day after termening, this boy did not came to my daycare and I already felt a big difference on my daycare atmosphere

[cheerfuldom]

you did the right thing. as soon as you start dreading when a family pulls into the driveway, its time to term. if you term and have a huge relief the first time they are gone for the day, that is another indicator that it just wasnt working out. all the things you put is just way too invasive, yikes! laying down on a bed in your house? what the heck is this family thinking? who does that?!?!

[lolaland]

Looking back on my posts... this thread was when I reached the end of my "energy supply". Took a vacation, termed 1 kid... it was too late by then!! I've been felling sick since then... and today is the last Monday I will be doing this. Going to take a LONG break and take care of everything else now... including myself. happyface

[MamaBearCanada]

Hope you get the rest you need to take care of yourself! :hug:

[momofboys]

Good for you - I hope you are able to regain some much-needed peace & rest!:hug:

[lolaland]

Thank you MamaBearCanada and Momofboys