Being Taken Advantage Of?!?!

[mommyof2]

HI! I am new to this forum so let me give you a little background info. I run an in-home child care business. I take care of 4 children plus my DD who is 2 1/2. I also have a soon to be 7 yr old who's in 1st grade.

One child I take care of is 18 mo old, and I'll call her M. Her mother and I were BF's in grade school but grew apart over the years but still kept each other on our Christmas Card list . So I have been watching M since she was 6 weeks old. Her mother is a teacher and is off tomorrow (Wed before Thanksgiving). We have it in our contract that M can come tomorrow, but her mother told me she would only bring her if they were going out of town for the Holiday and needed to pack. As they aren't going out of town, her mother said she wasn't planning on bringing her. However, today she said she may bring her just for her nap since she naps better here. Now she asked this after knowing that I will have no day care children tomorrow. Is it wrong of me to tell her that expecting me to be responsible for her child during her nap when I was expecting the day off unreasonable of me??? I feel she is taking advantage of our friendship. Have any of you ever had a parent just want to drop their child off for their nap?? That sounds soooo ridiculous!!

[SilverSabre25]

I would tell her, "Oh, so sorry, when I knew you weren't going out of town, I made other plans! Have a great holiday and see you Monday!"

[Happy Hearts]

Just tell her that you have already made plans. She doesn't have to know that your plans include a nap for yourself!!

[Unregistered]

I totally agree!! There is absolutely NOOOO way I am doing that tomorrow!! I told her I get very few days off and even though she'd just be napping here, I'd still be working and responsible for her. I haven't heard back from her. She has always been very selfish even as a kid. She frustrates the heck out of me and thinks I am her friend. She is constantly asking me to go to Costco with her, the Zoo, park, you name it. UUGGHH...just venting!!

[mommyof2]

DCM has asked before about her child coming for her nap when DCG was sick w/ a fever and I clearly stated no. When is she gonna learn I dont do just naps?? Anyone ever experience this?

[Willow]

DCM has asked before about her child coming for her nap when DCG was sick w/ a fever and I clearly stated no. When is she gonna learn I dont do just naps?? Anyone ever experience this?

I don't think she's taking advantage of you or even trying to.

I see it as she cares about her child and wants her to get good rest, and in a way she's giving you quite the compliment at the same time. It's always a confidence booster when parents make it known that I have a better grasp on something their child is experiencing than they do. At the same time I feel a bit sad, because mom, dad and home should be where a child is at their best....but it surely doesn't offend me or make me feel used when a parent waves the white flag and asks me to help them with something they're struggling with.


I would let her know you already made other plans, it's really not a big deal that she asked or for you to decline. Beyond that if I were in your shoes and wanted to help I would try to explore what exactly the differences between your homes are to try to sort out why the child naps better at your house...does she play harder beforehand? Have a cool down period that settles her down? Different blankets...sleeping surfaces...what's she eating....do you white noise machines....etc etc etc. Break it all down and see if together you can work to solve the differences. If you help mom sort out what your secret is she'll stop asking you to compensate for her deficit, which will eliminate your problem entirely.

[mommyof2]

Thanks! I didn't even see it that way! I think she is just playin harder here which makes her sleep better. So I guess her just coming for a nap wouldn't even make a difference b/c she wouldn't have the tiring play time! I will let her know that

[littlemissmuffet]

HI! I am new to this forum so let me give you a little background info. I run an in-home child care business. I take care of 4 children plus my DD who is 2 1/2. I also have a soon to be 7 yr old who's in 1st grade.

One child I take care of is 18 mo old, and I'll call her M. Her mother and I were BF's in grade school but grew apart over the years but still kept each other on our Christmas Card list . So I have been watching M since she was 6 weeks old. Her mother is a teacher and is off tomorrow (Wed before Thanksgiving). We have it in our contract that M can come tomorrow, but her mother told me she would only bring her if they were going out of town for the Holiday and needed to pack. As they aren't going out of town, her mother said she wasn't planning on bringing her. However, today she said she may bring her just for her nap since she naps better here. Now she asked this after knowing that I will have no day care children tomorrow. Is it wrong of me to tell her that expecting me to be responsible for her child during her nap when I was expecting the day off unreasonable of me??? I feel she is taking advantage of our friendship. Have any of you ever had a parent just want to drop their child off for their nap?? That sounds soooo ridiculous!!

Firstg of all, bringing a child to daycare so the parent can pack? Completely and utterly ridiculous. I hear this excuse all the time and I can't help but roll my eyes. My sister packed, moved and unpacked an entire house with three toddlers present... packing a bag for the holidays is quite doable. OMG, I can't believe how unreal parents these days are!!

Second of all, I don't allow children here when parents aren't working - unless the parent has an appointment (any kind from doctor to hair) but the child may not be here all day. I would never allow a parent who is home to drop their child off because the "kids naps better here". Give me a break - take care of your own child!

I would never agree to a child being dropped off just for meals or naps - thats pure LAZINESS on the parents part. I would actually have a meeting with the mom about even asking me such a stupid question - especially knowing that I'd have no other kids.

[littlemissmuffet]

I don't think she's taking advantage of you or even trying to.

I see it as she cares about her child and wants her to get good rest, and in a way she's giving you quite the compliment at the same time.

:: No. This mom is lazy and has no control over her child. This woman can't pack a bag for a holiday without sending her kid to daycare? No control!

[Willow]

:: No. This mom is lazy and has no control over her child. This woman can't pack a bag for a holiday without sending her kid to daycare? No control!

Could be the case I suppose. But I can't judge because I've never met her.

I guess I am prone to optimism because the parents of the kids in my care generally tend to love and care about their kids as opposed to constantly attempting to shirk their responsibilities.

I do my best to avoid ever enrolling families like that so the worst case scenario wouldn't be my natural assumption.

[momofboys]

I hope you said no!

[Willow]

Thanks! I didn't even see it that way! I think she is just playin harder here which makes her sleep better. So I guess her just coming for a nap wouldn't even make a difference b/c she wouldn't have the tiring play time! I will let her know that

There are things that tweak everyone. I can see where the question would make anyone go..."uh, you want me to do what? Are you kidding me???"

LMM may be correct, there may be lazy intent there, but some parents just don't have a better solution. They truly believe they aren't capable of handling it better. Perhaps they lack the tools, insight, or believe that's what every parent does because that's the way they were raised.

If we as providers can keep an open mind that the parent isn't always intentionally trying to be awful it can help us come up with suggestions that could help eliminate some of those dilemmas.


For example:

"Dcm - I'm so sorry I already made plans for the day and can't help you out....I can tell you here kiddo LOVES to do puzzles. They can keep her occupied for quite some time and I'm sure you'll have no trouble getting packed. My own kids also love to ____, ____ and _____ when I have things I need to get done. It's a great way to teach them to play independently which is such an important skill for her to learn. Plus it teaches that sometimes to get things done we need to work as a family in different ways. Make her feel important by making playing independently her "job." Maybe ask her to build a big tower and let her know you'll check in on her progress and give her a bonus if she's a good "worker." Perhaps a good run around outside before you start would help not only tire her out but get her good and ready for nap time too. Playing with the other kids she is so so busy here in the morning, I know even just kicking a ball, throwing, jumping and running helps her nap so much better than on days we can't get outside.

I do hope that helps you out some!!!"


Relieves you of feeling like you have to rescue to mom, or of feeling resentful for her even asking....AND gives her new tools so she's better able to cope without bugging you next time

[daycare]

wiillow...what you said about this is so true....I feel so good when a parent says something like this to me..........

I see it as she cares about her child and wants her to get good rest, and in a way she's giving you quite the compliment at the same time. It's always a confidence booster when parents make it known that I have a better grasp on something their child is experiencing than they do.

BUT

some parents will take see it from the point that since it's easier for you, they will just have you do it for them.

I had a family that was like this and I finally caught on that the mom just didn't want to have to do it herself. SOooo I told her, sorry, but you are never going to get good at it if you don't start doing it yourself.

That took care of it.....

I have not had a chance to read all the others responses, but in the future, to avoid this issue, I would just make it a closed day to all so that this can not happen again.