Is It Worth Bringing Up?

[mom2many]

I can so relate to your situation and I do like what Blackcat said...I so need to remember that advice! I just had a dcm lie to me and it bugged me a lot. I totally understand how you feel! I am so non-confrontational though, so I didn't say anything, but when her so called "Dr appt." was actually a "tatoo appt." and it slipped out a week later, I was really annoyed! I don't like people who are dishonest at all.

[littlemissmuffet]

A couple years ago, I would have whole heartedly agreed with you but ask yourself, what is it that you want to see change?

The lying? If she lies now about such stupid stuff I doubt she is going to stop just because you called her out on it. IME, she will just get better at lying.

If you are thinking she might change her parenting style and start making her child her priority, I doubt that will happen either as parents will parent in whatever way works for them.

If you are simply saying something just because it is in your nature to not let things slide () then cool, but don't set yourself up and expect anything to change.

I learned long ago that people will never change their ways until it becomes a problem for them and it sounds like this is only bugging you right now Daycare.

I used to be a lot like MissMuffet but now I pretty much save my breath (and comments) as it is a waste of time in most cases.

I will probably eventually mellow out and become more like you BlackCat... especially once I have my own child - many things are going to change

It wasn't so much the lying that bothered me - I actually didn't even think of that until after it was mentioned. And it's not the choice of parenting - because I KNOW that there is little we as childcare providers can do to change that -- it was more the fact that she tried to guilt the provider, that she even mentioned not having any paid days left... nobody cares! I would NEVER mention something like that - what's the point other than to try and make your problem someone elses? I don't appreciate things like that!

And secondly, yes, it's just my nature to say how I feel. This would have really pissed me off, so instead of letting it eat at me - I would say something, knowing it would make me feel better - and also hopefully deter the parent from talking to me about days off (either having none or taking one).

[daycare]

First off, Blackcat is right on. It is not our business what parent's do on their time.

Having a clear contract, policy,hand/rule book and a wonderful interview that covers everything is key. This is where you start-

If Memorial Day is your day off, you should take it off and not explain why- and not do special. Are you positive that she didn't buy them online? If I absolutely knew that a parent went shopping on one of my days off that I made an exception of caring for the child, I would be livid. That is my time. First I would be livid at myself for not thinking more of myself to give myself the day off as stated in my contract. Then I would be livid at the parent for telling me they had to work when they were not working.

Special is reserved for my parents that are good to me and I want to do good in return. I have stayed open for parents that have asked because they have meeting and no other person to care for the child for those hours. They pay me well. This is a once in a while thing, not abused. I feel good about it on my end and they do on their end.

Days off are so far and few that taking them should not be something I am put in a place to negotiate about. It is not right to stay open for one and not stay open for all. I take my days off. It makes me a better provider, it makes me appreciate what I work so hard for.

I would get to the bottom of all this and talk to the parent, explain your policies all over again and mention that your days off are not negotiable. Tell her that she needs to have back up for those days. It would be the last time she did something like this to me. She has your number, and has figured out that you won't say no to anything she ask. It is ok to say No- even if you have nothing planned for the day or a family.

Best-

yes I know for a fact that she bought them in the city.... She flat out told me she did.

Yes, it was my mistake to open for her on my day off, lesson learned.

If someone is lying to me, I am the kind of person that will call you out on it.

Yes I understand that it may not stop you from lying to me again, but I will let you know that I am on to your dishonestly....

I hate dishonest people

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would let it slide. Parents are people and people tend to be self absorbed and lie, especially the society we live in today.

Honestly, when Mom talks in the future I'd be singing, "La la la!" in my head. Her problems are not your problems if no policies are broken.

[My3cents]

about two weeks ago I had to send home a DCB that was running fever, coughing and vomiting. He did not go home until about 15 min before his pick up. DCM was instructed that DCB needed to stay home the next day.

DCM comes off very worried and then says oh I think I will take him to the doctors, his cough sounds really bad..

Long story short, DCM took her son to work with her instead, visiting all of her sales job work sites. In the end, it was counter productive and I let DCM know that the child should have stayed home to rest, because when they came back the next day, the child slept all day long. I confronted DCM about it who said that neither her or DCD had any paid time off left and could not afford to take any more time off of work. DCM was also very upset that I let DCB sleep for almost 7 hours here at my house. Sorry, obviously he needed it.

So fast forward to this week. DCM told me at drop off this morning that she took a day off work to get everything ready for Thanksgiving and to get her hair done. She is hosting it this year and will need to shop for it still..............

SOOOOOO my question is, do I just let it slide or do I bring it up??? I know that it would create an argument.

Obviously, this family does not have their priorities straight.

I wanted to comment on this part....

Two weeks ago this issue would have been talked out about....

A parent has 30 minutes to come and get the child if I call that they are sick. It is in my policy book. I don't play games with this. Fee's are added on if they don't. My question at the door would have been where have you been, I called you at 10am and it is now 4pm. I probably would not have let it get that far even. I would have called her back in a half hour to see if she was on her way and if something came up.

Your letting this women walk on you in fear of losing the child, or making waves is my guess. Part of doing business is being able to carry out your policies for the good of the whole. As much as I think this parent is at fault, I blame you for not stepping it up and making yourself known as a good business women.

That being said I think all of us have gone down this learning curve a few times before figuring it out. Why bother having rules if we are not going to carry them out- I never do special unless I am sure I will not resent it and my heart is in the right place to do it. Sick child belongs with the parent- no exceptions. I spell this out clear in my handbook and I go over it at my interviews and I hand out reminders in my newsletter and verbal.

I wish you the best, but my advise to you is not be afraid to Talk to your parents and tell them when things are not cool and rules are broken etc....

[renodeb]

I agree with others, despite the wacked priorities I wouldnt say anything but I probably would of sent him back home that day b/c he didnt sound like he felt good enough to participate. Just stick to your guns and thats all you can do. Her child probably got people sick at every one of those stops she made for work. Very poor judgment on her part. Parents seemed to always have a ready lie to tell us in order to justify it in there minds.
Debbie

[My3cents]

who does this????

anyone that thinks they can get away with it.

I have seen it all.

What works- Is having clear contracts, policy,rule/handbook, good verbal communication, and reminders from time to time. A note on the door reminding parents that you are off Thursday and Friday for Thanksgiving Holiday works wonderful.

Marge are you open Friday. No. It is my paid Holiday. Well could you watch little John anyway for me. No. It is my paid Holiday.

Best-

[daycare]

I wanted to comment on this part....

Two weeks ago this issue would have been talked out about....

A parent has 30 minutes to come and get the child if I call that they are sick. It is in my policy book. I don't play games with this. Fee's are added on if they don't. My question at the door would have been where have you been, I called you at 10am and it is now 4pm. I probably would not have let it get that far even. I would have called her back in a half hour to see if she was on her way and if something came up.

Your letting this women walk on you in fear of losing the child, or making waves is my guess. Part of doing business is being able to carry out your policies for the good of the whole. As much as I think this parent is at fault, I blame you for not stepping it up and making yourself known as a good business women.

That being said I think all of us have gone down this learning curve a few times before figuring it out. Why bother having rules if we are not going to carry them out- I never do special unless I am sure I will not resent it and my heart is in the right place to do it. Sick child belongs with the parent- no exceptions. I spell this out clear in my handbook and I go over it at my interviews and I hand out reminders in my newsletter and verbal.

I wish you the best, but my advise to you is not be afraid to Talk to your parents and tell them when things are not cool and rules are broken etc....

I never said that the mom took all day getting the child.....the child was not sent home until right before normal pick up, because they did not develop fever or vomit until around 4pm.

I did talk to the mom about NOT staying home with her son, called her out on it and told her that I didn't appreciate her doing that. I also told her that next time if she sends her son to me and he needs to sleep all day long, that I am going to send him home. So the issue was discussed the day after the child came back.

I am NOT letting this person walk all over me, don't know why you think that.

I am SOOOOO not afraid to tell this person my thoughts.

I guess I need to rewrite my PHB to discuss lying.....yeah that is not going to happen

[My3cents]

I will probably eventually mellow out and become more like you BlackCat... especially once I have my own child - many things are going to change

It wasn't so much the lying that bothered me - I actually didn't even think of that until after it was mentioned. And it's not the choice of parenting - because I KNOW that there is little we as childcare providers can do to change that -- it was more the fact that she tried to guilt the provider, that she even mentioned not having any paid days left... nobody cares! I would NEVER mention something like that - what's the point other than to try and make your problem someone elses? I don't appreciate things like that!

And secondly, yes, it's just my nature to say how I feel. This would have really pissed me off, so instead of letting it eat at me - I would say something, knowing it would make me feel better - and also hopefully deter the parent from talking to me about days off (either having none or taking one).

I hope you don't mellow out. I don't think your unreasonable. Your working in a professional manner that doesn't negotiate the rules. If anything you will prob defend your little cub as any other mother tiger would more- Just my 3 cents-

[My3cents]

yes I know for a fact that she bought them in the city.... She flat out told me she did.

Yes, it was my mistake to open for her on my day off, lesson learned.

If someone is lying to me, I am the kind of person that will call you out on it.

Yes I understand that it may not stop you from lying to me again, but I will let you know that I am on to your dishonestly....

I hate dishonest people

then why didn't you call her out on it when she told you? or am I missing something? Like I said even if you had no plans for the day, days off are far and few between that they should hold value to you even if you chose to not do anything at all but lay in your pj's all day and read your favorite book- whatever, your time.

Hopefully you have some great information to help you out in future issues from the forum. We have all gone down this road in one situation or another. Don't beat yourself up about it, just fix it and move on.

Clear contract, rules and policy/handbook is KEY and being able to carry those out with out having guilt.
best

[My3cents]

I never said that the mom took all day getting the child.....the child was not sent home until right before normal pick up, because they did not develop fever or vomit until around 4pm.

I did talk to the mom about NOT staying home with her son, called her out on it and told her that I didn't appreciate her doing that. I also told her that next time if she sends her son to me and he needs to sleep all day long, that I am going to send him home. So the issue was discussed the day after the child came back.

I am NOT letting this person walk all over me, don't know why you think that.

I am SOOOOO not afraid to tell this person my thoughts.

I guess I need to rewrite my PHB to discuss lying.....yeah that is not going to happen

no, you said she picked up 15 before her normal pick up so I thought she waited till the end of the day to come and get the child. I was using hypothetical times and peoples names, as an example, of how I would have handled it.

I was taking it that you did not feel comfortable confronting this mother.

As one provider to another, I am trying to help you not work against you.

Best-

[Blackcat31]

It wasn't so much the lying that bothered me - I actually didn't even think of that until after it was mentioned. And it's not the choice of parenting - because I KNOW that there is little we as childcare providers can do to change that -- it was more the fact that she tried to guilt the provider, that she even mentioned not having any paid days left... nobody cares! I would NEVER mention something like that - what's the point other than to try and make your problem someone elses? I don't appreciate things like that!

And secondly, yes, it's just my nature to say how I feel. This would have really pissed me off, so instead of letting it eat at me - I would say something, knowing it would make me feel better - and also hopefully deter the parent from talking to me about days off (either having none or taking one).

I guess I overlooked that angle, as I don't allow parents to make me feel guilty. BTDT already and am so past that.

You are right though MissMuffets, you do change once you have your own children but you don't get more accepting, you actually get less tolerant. (as far as DCP's shirking their responsibilities)

But my own children are grown and gone now and I am so done fighting the massive tidal wave of lazy, lying, irresponsible, self-centered and entitled children....eh um, I meant adults/parents.

[daycare]

then why didn't you call her out on it when she told you? or am I missing something? Like I said even if you had no plans for the day, days off are far and few between that they should hold value to you even if you chose to not do anything at all but lay in your pj's all day and read your favorite book- whatever, your time.

Hopefully you have some great information to help you out in future issues from the forum. We have all gone down this road in one situation or another. Don't beat yourself up about it, just fix it and move on.

Clear contract, rules and policy/handbook is KEY and being able to carry those out with out having guilt.
best

heres the thing...

I don't mind opening up for a family on a holiday if I have no plans. BUT what I do care about is if they lie to me...

THis mom has lied to me on several occasions I am sure, two that I have proof of. One memorial day and then just two weeks ago when she told me that she couldnt take any time off of work to stay home with her sick son.

The only thing that has not been addressed, is what she said to be today.....That she took today off of work to prep for thanksgiving and get her hair done...

I have not addressed it......and was asking if I should bring it up or not....

[cheerfuldom]

you do what you need to do OP.

some people have suggested just letting it go....and your replies indicate that you arent okay with that suggestion so I think it is clear that your mind actually IS made up on what to do. You want to speak up and now you just have to do it. Just because some other providers would handle it differently, does not mean that you are in the wrong. If speaking up and calling this mom out is what you need to do to move forward (and you are willing to risk them terming), then go for it. I support whatever you decide to do!

For record, I would never keep kids on a holiday and dont get guilt tripped into doing extra time, extra days, sick care. If a parent was caught in a lie, yes I would say something immediately. Not because I think that this would be a life altering conversation for them but because I would want them to know that I knew they were lying and that it was unacceptable. I would rather a parent just be honest and say they were blowing off work for the day and going shopping instead of keeping their kid home. I am not judge and jury....I dont care what they do with their time off, just dont lie to me about it!

[daycare]

you do what you need to do OP.

some people have suggested just letting it go....and your replies indicate that you arent okay with that suggestion so I think it is clear that your mind actually IS made up on what to do. You want to speak up and now you just have to do it. Just because some other providers would handle it differently, does not mean that you are in the wrong. If speaking up and calling this mom out is what you need to do to move forward (and you are willing to risk them terming), then go for it. I support whatever you decide to do!

For record, I would never keep kids on a holiday and dont get guilt tripped into doing extra time, extra days, sick care. If a parent was caught in a lie, yes I would say something immediately. Not because I think that this would be a life altering conversation for them but because I would want them to know that I knew they were lying and that it was unacceptable. I would rather a parent just be honest and say they were blowing off work for the day and going shopping instead of keeping their kid home. I am not judge and jury....I dont care what they do with their time off, just dont lie to me about it!

I am not judge and jury....I dont care what they do with their time off, just dont lie to me about it!


Yes, I think that more I talked about it with you guys, I realized that I am really really bothered by it more than I thought.

I do feel that at this point, I need to say something for my sake, not for the sake of hoping she will change.

If this family terms, I am ok with it, because I do feel that I have lost all respect for them. I guess I just operate on the lines of I treat people the way that I want to be treated. YOu will not walk all over me and I will STOMP my foot down on you if I think that you are.

Side note.....I was not guilt tripped into opening on a holiday. I often will open if I have no plans. It at least gives my son his friends to play with.

It's just that the mom lied to me about why she was dropping off her kids..... The funny part is, is that she knows that I don't care what the families do on their own time when I have their kids, so I just don't understand her need to lie. I feel that because I didn't confront her then, it just keeps going and going and I feel STUPID and weak for not calling her out.......