What's up with these DCMs?

[Dsquared]

What is up with some of these women?!

My wife runs a small daycare. She now has 1 (and over the last 24 months has had 2 others) DCM that have that dominant, bitchy personality. The woman who runs the show at home (that's totally fine), talks down to her husband and bosses him around (again, whatever they want to do in their personal life is fine) BUT then tries to bring that same type of attitude into the picture with my wife, or me (or anyone else for that matter). I have never seen a DCD act like that towards my wife. It seems like there are lots of these types out there or am I imagining things??

Case in point:
DCM's husband has ben having mysterious seizures all of a sudden. So she had to leave work a little early 2 days over the course of maybe 10 days. She calls up my wife and wants her to watch her kid on a Saturday (my wife NEVER works weekends). Now this DCM/DCD have both sets of parents in the area and they have brothers and sisters here too. Come on, someone in the family can watch him and if not, you can bring him to the hospital. Considering how difficult she has been in the past, my wife said no.

After that, Veteran's day is rolling around which my wife has off per her contract. This lady texts 6 days ahead asking if my wife will watch him on her day off. Wife says no They start going back and forth and the DCM starts dictating that she CAN NOT take any more time off work. She NEEDS (basically demands) my wife to watch him on Monday. She has had to re-arrange her schedule and it should be the other way around, my wife should be re-arranging her schedule for DCM (she actually said that to my wife)! Wednesday before Veteran's Day rolls around and she drops off her kid as normal. My wife texts her during the day that 1 yr old does sound good, look good, he's coughing hacking, whining crying ect ect. She does not come and pick up (shocker). DCM spends Wednesday night in the ER as a result, kid has double ear infections and pneumonia. All of a sudden, DCM is spending Thursday and Friday at home with her kid. Wait, I thought you COULD NOT miss any more work??? What a croc.

I just don't get trying to impose your will on someone, let alone someone who is taking care of your child. Do you gals see this a lot? I've told my wife to get rid of her but the kid is pretty easy so she doesn't want to.

Lots of strange folks out there. Let's not even talk about parents who drop their kids off at DC on all their normal days off...

[Countrygal]

I know I have issues with it. I would imagine a lot of us do. Usually it's the DCD's for me, but it could be either parent. I have one right now that expects me to change my entire schedule for his one little one and doesn't seem to care that there are two others here.....

I think your wife handled it well. I just look at it as part of having my own business. In any service or retail job you're going to put up with a lot of horse pucky.

[Blackcat31]

Sounds to me like you are experiencing the first batch of entitled children who are now "adults".

Sad to say it is just the beginning.

If I were your wife (or you) I would set the tone from the very beginning.

I am the boss of my business, I do NOT take requests for services outside my normal business hours and/or days and would be seriously insulted if a parent even thought about trying to negotiate, let alone strong arm me, into doing something I don't do just because THEY have a problem.

Hoping your wife didn't give in an accommodate this woman-child.

[Countrygal]

Yep, BC. I think I'll make this my new motto for ME:

Just sayNO::::::

[Dsquared]

No she didn't cave in but she let this DCM bully her for several email/text exchanges after she said no instead of nipping it in the bud.

I guess I'll have to be on the lookout for the male version too

[MarinaVanessa]

No she didn't cave in but she let this DCM bully her for several email/text exchanges after she said no instead of nipping it in the bud.

I guess I'll have to be on the lookout for the male version too

Repeating the SIGNED policy over and over works great in these situations. If a situation like this comes up again where any DC parents try to negotiate or demand changes and push the issue try this:

DCM: Can you watch little Suzie on Saturday?
Provider: No, I'm sorry. I don't take care of kids on weekends.
DCM: But I really need you to do it.
Provider: As our contract says. My business days are Monday through Friday.
DCM: Well I really need someone. It's really important.
Provider: As our contract says. My business days are Monday through Friday.
DCM: :confused: I only need it this once.
Provider: As our contract says. My business days are Monday through Friday.
DCM: It's not like it's a regular thing.
Provider: As our contract says. My business days are Monday through Friday.
etc. It really does work.

If through email/text quoting the policy and replying to any following responses with "Please refer to previous email/text" also works too. They'll get it.

[Blackcat31]

MV you are too nice

My conversation would have went like this:

DCM: Can you watch little Suzie on Saturday?
Provider: No. I am NOT a weekend babysitter. See you Monday.

...this is where I hang up or when texting I stop replying.


I wouldn't have given her the opportunity to beg and/or plead.

[julie]

Yup, I'm with Blackcat here in the setting the tone from the beginning. With this type of personality, you also have to make it clear that they need YOU, not the other way around. I had a mom like this. All it took for her to change her tune was to nicely, but firmly state the following:

I understand that my program does not work for everyone. However, these terms were clearly stated and agreed upon when you signed on. If you are searching for alternate care, I require two weeks' pay and notice as per our signed contract. Please let me know as soon as possible what you decide. My waitlist will be DELIGHTED.

Wouldn't you know she backpeddled incredibly quickly and was much more grateful after that. I was also firmly back in the alpha position, which is what you want as the head of your business. If this tactic does not work, she will pull and then that will also solve your wife's problem.

[crazydaycarelady]

Occasionsly you get a dcparent that mistakenly believes the DCP works for them rather than that they are a client of the DCP. I have found that it is usually hard to change their perception. Your wife should stick to her contract and not give an inch with this kind!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

No she didn't cave in but she let this DCM bully her for several email/text exchanges after she said no instead of nipping it in the bud.

I guess I'll have to be on the lookout for the male version too

Oh the garbage I had texted to me recently by a DAD! You wouldn't believe it! Well, perhaps you would.

My husband (assistant) had a big issue with him texting me rude things when he has my husband's phone number as well. I don't text message men period, so this was over the top. My husband is calling a meeting soon.

It's so common these days and it is out of control! I am 24 and have experienced several parents in their 30's approach me in this manner. It's unacceptable.

[lovemykidstoo]

I think your wife is doing good, but needs to be a little more firm and straight to the point thereby not letting this person ask and ask and ask. Yes, there are some mothers out there and some fathers too that want to act like THEY are the boss of us. I like to think I work together with my parents, but when it comes to the rules of my daycare, I make the rules, I enforce them and they abide by them or it's not going to work. It has taken me a long time to get there and sometimes I slip as you will see if you've seen me post here, but I have grown quite a bit in the last 12 years. I had a new family start in September and for the first month I was going to let them go so many times. The mother was something else. She thought she was the boss. Slowly this has changed and she has realized that she doesn't run the program here, I do. Now things are much better!

[MarinaVanessa]

MV you are too nice

My conversation would have went like this:

DCM: Can you watch little Suzie on Saturday?
Provider: No. I am NOT a weekend babysitter. See you Monday.

...this is where I hang up or when texting I stop replying.


I wouldn't have given her the opportunity to beg and/or plead.

Do you really think I'm being too nice? Because in all honesty I repeat myself over and over again to make them upset . Its more of a "oh yeah? You're going to keep repeating yourself? Well so will I". I have actually enjoyed going back and forth with a dcp but I've never gone passed the 3rd repetition. The joy that bubbles up inside me as I see their face go from perky or self assured to crimson is enough to make repeating myself worthwhile . Petty I know. I should be ashamed, but I'm not. And the fact that I've never had a repeat offender after trying this on a pushy parent is enough to keep using this

[Blackcat31]

Do you really think I'm being too nice? Because in all honesty I repeat myself over and over again to make them upset . Its more of a "oh yeah? You're going to keep repeating yourself? Well so will I". I have actually enjoyed going back and forth with a dcp but I've never gone passed the 3rd repetition. The joy that bubbles up inside me as I see their face go from perky or self assured to crimson is enough to make repeating myself worthwhile . Petty I know. I should be ashamed, but I'm not. And the fact that I've never had a repeat offender after trying this on a pushy parent is enough to keep using this

:::::: Ah, the little games we play to amuse ourselves :::: Hey, it's ok because I am sure I have my "fun" too....guess that is what makes child care providers stay sane right?

[cheerfuldom]

I have had one really aggressive dad that got in my face and yelled at me. Keep in mind that I am just over 5 ft tall and was pregnant at the time. I have found the dads to be more troublesome in some ways than the moms, although I have had a few moms like this. Sorry OP....unfortunately difficult parents are just part of the job. You stand by your policies as best as possible but it is a constant battle.