No Cupcake For You. Was I Wrong?

[jojosmommy]

Today is someones birthday and they brought chocolate cupcakes to share. Dads schedule changed so dcb was getting picked up early, right after lunch before nap. So far so good with me.

I make the kids favorite lunch which happens to be mac and cheese (yuck but besides the point). All the dck are sitting down to eat and 6yr old dcg who is the pickiest eater and will go 10 hours without eating here withouta peep, says "oh gross! Im not eating this. Ewwwww" She and all the kids know my rules that you need not say if youlike or hate the food, you sit polietly and try one or two bites. No complaints, no nastiness.

Right as she does this another dcm comes to drop off and dck immediately runs to garbage with plate and throws it away. Not a bite, not an effort, then smiles at me and dcm and says "Hi________!" While giving me the you cant do anything to me look.

When dcm leaves I tell dck she is obviously not hungry and will not be having cupcake. "Fine! Not hungry!" In the snottiest face.

She sat at the table during the rest of lunch and during the bday celebration. Didnt seems to care.

Should I have included her by letting her have a cupcake? She was not the only one not eating. My dd has allergies so she didnt eat and I typically dont let littles eat cupcakes/massive amount of chocolate so another 1 yr old didnt eat either. Nobody even fussed, or made mention ofit.

Do I mention it to mom if dck brings it up? Or should I mention it first? Leave it alone?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I absolutely do not think you were wrong. If you don't eat lunch, then you certainly aren't going to get a sugar laced treat. Let's not get crazy!

[ABCDaycareMN]

I think you should mention to mom about throwing the food away. That is in no way acceptable.

You don't eat, you don't get treats!

[countrymom]

thats my rule too. You don't eat you don't get desserts. I think kids are so use to getting junk that they just don't want to eat.

[daycare]

oh yes MOM would be the first to know about it. I would have told the child since you decided to make a bad decision. Children who don't listen. don't get to have any fun. I would have done exactly what you did....

[mema]

I just had a similar thing a few weeks ago. Fits/crying/throwing/spitting at the table resulted in early nap and no bday treat here for 2 kids. One had a fit at snack time when she didn't get the treat, but I said too bad. You did the right thing. It's one thing to try everything and give it a shot, it's another to say ewwww and throw it away without at least trying.

[Blackcat31]

I do not attach treats or rewards to meals/snacks ever.

I do not want the kids to think they automatically get treats if they eat nor do I want to create the association between rewarding based on the "clean plate club" mentality....kwim?

However, I too, have the rule that kids will be asked to leave the table because of poor attitude or rude and unnecessary comments. If you don't like something, then don't eat but do NOT broadcast your displeasure so that others can hop aboard the "yuck" train.

I would have absolutely had her leave the table for being rude. I would then have served the cupcakes to the other kids who kept their comments to themselves. I then would have made it VERY clear to the DCG that she did not get a cupcake because she was asked to leave the table due to her rude comments.

When her parent shows up for pick up I would have told them exactly why DCG did not receive a cupcake and that you will not tolerate rude or unnecessary comments from the kids in regards to food as manners and appropriate social behavior is very important and is expected from ALL children whether they eat or don't eat.

[providerandmomof4]

I would have done the same thing. No cupcake for you dcg and maybe next time you will remember your manners and at least try what I fix.

[daycare]

I do not attach treats or rewards to meals/snacks ever.

I do not want the kids to think they automatically get treats if they eat nor do I want to create the association between rewarding based on the "clean plate club" mentality....kwim?

However, I too, have the rule that kids will be asked to leave the table because of poor attitude or rude and unnecessary comments. If you don't like something, then don't eat but do NOT broadcast your displeasure so that others can hop aboard the "yuck" train.

I would have absolutely had her leave the table for being rude. I would then have served the cupcakes to the other kids who kept their comments to themselves. I then would have made it VERY clear to the DCG that she did not get a cupcake because she was asked to leave the table due to her rude comments.

When her parent shows up for pick up I would have told them exactly why DCG did not receive a cupcake and that you will not tolerate rude or unnecessary comments from the kids in regards to food as manners and appropriate social behavior is very important and is expected from ALL children whether they eat or don't eat.

this is pretty much what I said. She is getting punished for making a bad decision to not follow the rules, not because she didn't eat her food. It is what she decided to do with her food.

I would have also told the child that she is not showing respect to the person who cooked the food and that they should say sorry to that person for being so rude and inconsiderate of their feelings.

I remember when I was a child I went to my mothers friends house for dinner. She served my plate for me with Egyptian pea carrots on it. I said something rude about not liking them and therefore don't want to eat the rest of my food.
Let's just say that I could not sit for a week. I had to write a hand written apology to my mothers friend and hand deliver it to her house. To this day I will never forget that shame that I felt. Ever since, I will eat anything you put on my plate. BUT I will tell you that I am vegan first......

[Former Teacher]

No you did the right thing!

I can't tell how many parents were upset with ME because I denied their child a special snack (but gave a regular snack-not denying them food) for not behaving or simply because the child told me no and then once the parent arrived decided that they wanted snack.

Of course I ALWAYS held my ground. They weren't happy but very rarely did the child pull that stuff again happyface