Need Perspective

[Angelsj]

This may get long...sorry.

Quick background: I have had this child since he was 5 months old, and he is now about 20 months. The parents have always been great, good about payment, good about notifying, even got a gift for the whole family last Christmas. This is mom's first baby, and she has called a couple of times over weird things like a comment one of the kids made while she was here, but generally she is pretty good. The child is VERY active. She admitted to calling poison control twice in one week, and he always has a bump or bruise from something (from both houses.)

Last Friday, he scratched his eyelid with a chopstick he found on the floor. It was a temp one we usually don't keep, and I don't know where he found it. It was not a bad scratch and I checked his eye and it was fine. I told Dad about it when he picked up.

Later that night, she texted to ask what happened, so I told her. Apparently the concern was that we would LET him play with it. (I am thinking, sure...and we let him run with scissors as well...) I ignored this and went on.

Yesterday, he was with his aunt for the day and last night, I get this:
"I have some concerns. Hopefully we can talk in the morning."

She is my first drop off, and we generally have a little time to talk..so this is odd. I asked what she was concerned about.
"*** was with my aunt and she took his cup away to screw the lid on tighter, and he acted scared, just staring for like 10 mins. And the climbing on tables thing. "

Really? You left him with someone who admittedly let him "sit and look scared for 10 mins" and you have concerns with ME?? WHAT? But I didn't say that. I texted back, "Yes, that doesn't seem like ***. Sounds like it could be an absence seizure..but I have never seen evidence of that here."

She sends back, "I am not accusing anyone of anything, but I know you are not always there."
Um, until now, I didn't think you were accusing anyone.. ( My Husband and daughter sub for me two days a week.)

She ended up calling and she just kept repeating how she thought she should be "covering her bases." I told her I had never seen that behavior and had no idea what might cause it, and she again brought up the chopstick.

Today, Dad drops off. He seems fine, *** is fine, all is well.
About noon, Dad shows back up, and I am in the bathroom (two minutes max) with another child helping her. *** plus two others are in the dining room, one room away. Again Dad seems fine, but he is not picking up, just stopping by. Um, I generally have no problem with that, but they have never done that before.

Ok, if you made it here, thank you. I am feeling like they do not trust me at this point. As much as I love this little guy, I can't live under a microscope either. Am I just feeling stung, or is this a relationship I need to let go before something bad happens, or before auntie (who is dramatic, according to mom) comes up with some behavior that is apparently due to his treatment here??

[blandino]

I would say to let go. Or have a serious talk about the parents not being able to trust you, and that you aren't comfortable keeping a relationship where you feel every little choice you make is under the microscope. That is no way to live or work.

I have had moms like that before, and it always ended badly. But sometimes I get that feeling from a parent, and within a week it is over (and was probably me being over sensitive in the beginning). So maybe a conversation would clear it all up.

I would schedule a conference after hours, to let them know you are serious.

[blandino]

Oh, and I also have no problem with parents coming by unannounced, but I do find it distrusting. I actually have a policy that says we have an open door, but they need to bring the child with them when they leave. It is so confusing to the child to have a parent stop in, and leave them at daycare.

[littlemissmuffet]

First of all, in my home/daycare - parents are free to drop by any time they like, but when they leave they take their kiddo with them - this is written into my handbook.

Second of all, I can't imagine this situation ending well.

I would sit mom down and say the following:

"Sue, I understand that Johnny is your first and only child and I can appreciate that you worry about him but you need to understand that I have plenty of experience in taking care of multiple at once - all day long. This has been my profession for years - I am quite capable of caring for Johnny. He's a toddler - he's going to have falls, get scrapes, and yes, find disposable chopsticks from time to time. I am not perfect, but I assure you, Johnny is in safe hands while in my home. You need to trust me as your provider, and by trusting me you need to trust my choice in backup care (your hubby, daughter). It was really offensive to me when you blamed Johnny's 10 minute fit at his aunt's on something that could have happened here. In my opinion, that doesn't even make any sense. Also, you didn't even witness what occured - so to just immediately question me, my assistants and our business was offensiveand indicates to me that there is a serious lack of trust. If that's the case, you are welcome to give your 2 weeks (or whatever you require) notice."

In situations like this, I don't term... but I don't do much to try and keep a family either. There's obviously no trust here. I don't mind a parent checking in (early on in the relationship) or having questions/concerns from time to time - but constantly - NO THANKS. I'd corner the family into giving notice and start seeking a replacement.

[MommieNana4]

Document all that has happened.

[cheerfuldom]

If you feel uncomfortable with the scrutiny, you need to speak up. IMO what the parents are doing is completely inappropriate and unnecessary.

"DCM I understand you are concerned about your child's wellbeing but I have to be honest in saying that the recent scrutiny towards me and my family and my daycare program is really disruptive to our relationship. I feel that I have proven myself trustworthy and capable over the past 15 months that I have worked with Junior. If you feel that that trust has some how been broken, I think its best that you begin looking for alternative childcare. I want you to have Junior with a provider that you trust and am feeling that I am not longer that person. I dont feel that I have done anything to break that trust but I cant change how you feel about things. If you dont feel that you trust me anymore, it would be best for you to move on"

She will then have the option to apologize and try and repair the situation with you or go ahead and fine new daycare. Either way, the problem is solved.

[Angelsj]

Thanks everyone... I didn't think I was out of line, but I appreciate the support. I will have a chat with mom

[countrymom]

sounds like she's trying to find something. I find it odd that a child sat there for 10min and the aunt didn't do anything. I have kids who sometimes will just sit and stare, its called "a daze" so unless there was something else going on I would think it was a seizure. By the sounds of it, it sounds like they are accussing you of something.

also, if dad comes by again, he needs to take the kid home. Tell dad that when he left, little johnny cried for his dad, so he was very disruptive. He's checking up on you, trying to find something. I would look to fill his spot.

[JenNJ]

It's time to just be honest. Tell her how you feel and let her respond. If she trusts you, she needs to show it. If she doesn't she will go elsewhere.

[MarinaVanessa]

Thanks everyone... I didn't think I was out of line, but I appreciate the support. I will have a chat with mom

Have you had that chat yet? Im curious for an update.

[Angelsj]

Dad dropped off again yesterday, but mom dropped off today. She apologized..sort of, like my own kids that age apologize, the I am sorry..but kind of apology.

She is young, and needs some maturing, but I do think she was sincere. I told her it was insulting to be questioned like that, and that trust is paramount.
Anyway, for now, she seems fine. I did print up a combination of your responses along with a bit of my own in case this happens again.
We shall see.

Thanks again all.