Parents Putting Other Kids In Time Out At My House

[daycare]

So this morning the kids are playing and a child arrives with his mom.
I open the door to greet them as always and have a quick chat with mom. I walk away to attend to the kids and next thing I hear is my own child running to his room crying.

I look at the small group of kids that he was playing with and said what happened? The DCM says your son took a toy from someone so I told my son to take it back and when he did, your son freaked out, so I told him to go to time out.


I was SUPER MAD. I didn't say anything to DCM other than I will handle it. Since I didn't see what happened, I let my son cry it out in his room for a few minute. He's 5.

But what made me mad, is that this is NOT how we teach the kids. Two wrongs don't make a right. Yes, my son was wrong he should not have taken a toy from anyone, he should have used his words and asked for it.

Her son grabbing the toy out of my sons hand was just as wrong and was not necessary at all.

I have never had this issue come up before. What do I tell this parent and others so that this does not happen again?

I don't want the parents feeling like they have the right to put any of my DCK in time out ever.

[Country Kids]

Did he take it from the dcm's child possibly?

[Willow]

I have no idea what I'd say........just.........ouch

I'd be so beyond upset

[daycare]

Did he take it from the dcm's child possibly?

No he took it from another child and then DCM's child took it back from my son to give to the kid that it was originally taken from.

[Blackcat31]

"Sue, I really appreciate you trying to intervene this morning when Billy was playing with Joey, but we have a specific set of rules and behavioral policies we follow here so next time, would mind just letting me know about the incident rather than trying to handle it yourself? Thanks I really appreciate it."

....then if she asks why, you can say "Well, time out is not the method I prefer to use as I really like to foster verbalization of any issues and conflicts kids have amongst each other. I really like to capture and apply the proper approaches for teachable moments and utilize them in developmentally appropriate ways to support and develop healthy pro-socialization and intercommunication skills between children."

Most parents will go :confused: "uh, ok sure." ::

[SilverSabre25]

I would have told that dcm off. "Whoa! You do NOT put other kids in time out when you're at my house! You can put yours in time out all you want, but you may NOT do it to other people's kids...no, not even mine! You should have told me about my son taking the toy in the first place and let me handle it. That was WAY out of line, dcm."

[nanglgrl]

Most parents will go :confused: "uh, ok sure." ::

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[daycare]

I would have told that dcm off. "Whoa! You do NOT put other kids in time out when you're at my house! You can put yours in time out all you want, but you may NOT do it to other people's kids...no, not even mine! You should have told me about my son taking the toy in the first place and let me handle it. That was WAY out of line, dcm."

here's the best part............she runs a childcare program for the county........She of all people should know NOT to do what she did......

[spud912]

....then if she asks why, you can say "Well, time out is not the method I prefer to use as I really like to foster verbalization of any issues and conflicts kids have amongst each other. I really like to capture and apply the proper approaches for teachable moments and utilize them in developmentally appropriate ways to support and develop healthy pro-socialization and intercommunication skills between children."

Most parents will go :confused: "uh, ok sure." ::

::::

[lovemykidstoo]

"Sue, I really appreciate you trying to intervene this morning when Billy was playing with Joey, but we have a specific set of rules and behavioral policies we follow here so next time, would mind just letting me know about the incident rather than trying to handle it yourself? Thanks I really appreciate it."

....then if she asks why, you can say "Well, time out is not the method I prefer to use as I really like to foster verbalization of any issues and conflicts kids have amongst each other. I really like to capture and apply the proper approaches for teachable moments and utilize them in developmentally appropriate ways to support and develop healthy pro-socialization and intercommunication skills between children."

Most parents will go :confused: "uh, ok sure." ::

I laughed right out loud at this. Awesome response!!

[Heidi]

"Sue, I really appreciate you trying to intervene this morning when Billy was playing with Joey, but we have a specific set of rules and behavioral policies we follow here so next time, would mind just letting me know about the incident rather than trying to handle it yourself? Thanks I really appreciate it."

....then if she asks why, you can say "Well, time out is not the method I prefer to use as I really like to foster verbalization of any issues and conflicts kids have amongst each other. I really like to capture and apply the proper approaches for teachable moments and utilize them in developmentally appropriate ways to support and develop healthy pro-socialization and intercommunication skills between children."

Most parents will go :confused: "uh, ok sure." ::

LOL..I'll have to write that on my hand, 'cause I don't think I could remember all that.

Hey...my dd wants to be a tattoo artist! Maybe I WILL get a tattoo, afterall!::::

[Michelle]

I thought time outs were illegal in California?

You should take her to JJ and sue her for your child's emotional damage,pain suffering and loss of use of his toy.
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[Unregistered]

She's got some nerve.

I would say put your disipline methods and guidlines in your contract. at the end of it right before signing add "While the parents have the right to disipline their child anyway legal way they see fitting (excluding physical punishment) on daycare property, while parents are away I am responsible for guidence, discipline, and redirection of the other children in my care. Just like you wouldn't want any of the other parents that you don't know to discipline your child, be respectful and let me handle any issues that may arise- as I have discussed these issues with the parents and try to be respectful of their disiplinary wishes. Attempts to dicipline or redirect another family's child, without written permission from the family or under guidence of the provider, may result in termination as a breech of contract."

But yes- she is basically teaching her kid that it's okay to do the same thing that she thought your child did wrong; even though it was to undo what your son did, it was just as wrong because if she really knew anything about child development or helping children learn from their mistakes (which you said she works with kids so she should know better) she would have tried to make your son realize that it wasn't right to take the toy in the first place and encourage him to give it back to the other kid himself; now she is just teaching her kid that it is ok to take things and making your son feel. She really needs to take more up-to date classes on redirecting behavior.

And I bet if you (the provider) did that infront of her and it was her kid instead of yours she would be P.O.'d too.