"My Child is Gifted" Parents

[Hunni Bee]

How do you deal with parents who think their child is "too advanced" for your program, when you have mounting evidence that they're not?

(This is in no way a situation in which terming is applicable.)

I have a 4 year old in my group. He is a very well behaved and mannered child, and enjoys school. On a recent assessment, this child did very well with the letter and sound identifying portion. When I met with the parents, they insisted that based on these scores, the child had mastered our current curriculum and needed something more challenging.

I totally disagree. Yes, this child may be able to name letters, but in almost every other area, he needs extra support. This child has to be told to do anything, and will sit in one spot until given another direction. In group time, he does not speak unless spoken to. He cannot dress himself alone, manage his belongings, or hold a pencil/crayon correctly. He will struggle with a task until you notice and help him, and will do the potty dance until its too late, rather than ask for the bathroom. When with his parents, he regresses to two-year-old behavior (screaming, tantrums, baby talk). He is also one of the oldest children in the group.

When I attempted to bring some of this up to the parents (in a gentle way) I was completely blown off. Also, I did not bring this up, but the way in which the child gave the answers on the assessment, leads me to believe that he learned them through artificial means, such as tv or a video.

I want to meet again with the parents (with my colleague present). How do I gently but firmly let them know that an augmentation of the curriculum is not in order for this child, that he needs all that we are teaching, and that actually he needs more support than some of the other children?

Or am I wrong? I've always felt that mere regurgitation of facts does not mean the child knows the information and can apply it. But should we allow this child to move to a higher level of what we do, on the assumption that the other issues will fall into place?

Your thoughts, please.

[littlemissmuffet]

How do you deal with parents who think their child is "too advanced" for your program, when you have mounting evidence that they're not?

I let them leave. They will find out soon enough that their child is average.

[cheerfuldom]

Do you have an assessment in writing that they can see? a checklist of sorts with your goals for the curriculum that outlines where he is currently excelling or needing more time to meet the goal. perhaps a visual aid could assist at this point. do not feel pressure to advance a child against your professional opinion. you will be setting him up for many struggles as he will be behind the rest of his peers if he is pushed too far, too fast. if the parents cannot respect your decision, they can find a new program.

[cheerfuldom]

you should also be able to get similar kinder readiness checklists from the local public school and the parents can see what their local school expects from the kids and what he will need to master in order to do well at kinder. all the lists I have seen include things like taking care of your belongings, pottying needs, social skills as well as academic goals.

[Chatter Box]

For the record, at age 4 my son has learned to write the entire alphabet on his own. He started at a late age 3. No tracing. He could visually see the letters and name it, sound it and write it by age 4. He has started preschool this year at age 4 where they stated that he is "at level" at this time. While I realized most of the other kids in his past daycare were also being taught the same things, I honestly thought that because of his education he got at the other daycare he was a little ahead of the mark until we got him in this traditional school this year. I never dreamed of my kids being able to write before they got in preschool.

Times have changed from when we were in school and a lot more is expected of children than way back in our day. It is insane to me. What we went in learning in kindergarten they are required to know before they even get there. I am fairly certain in a few years they will start requiring them to hold a part time job before they hit kindergarten. ::

[countrymom]

sounds like he needs more help in the "activities of daily living" and maybe have a checklist with things like this.

we have jk (junior kindy or what many call preschool) and on the report card the kids have to know how to wash their hands without assistance, how to dress themselves, how to do things without being told (and the teachers mark-mastered, need improvement, not mastered)

also, if he's so bored then why don't they move him, there must be a reason.

[Mom&Provider]

I would leave it now and let them decide what is best. Yes, their child might be wonderful at specific aspects of learning, but not all, as you have already suggested to them.

[youretooloud]

I let them leave. They will find out soon enough that their child is average.

I let them leave too, but I don't think they ever believe their child is average.

TRULY gifted kids struggle. It's hard to be gifted. There aren't many kids they fit in with, and they are often socially awkward.

Advanced, or bright children are just that...advanced. They don't have to work as hard as other kids in school. Things come easily to them. They are the ones who learn the information without staying up all night studying. They are the kids who other kids ask for help. But, they don't struggle in other areas of life the way a gifted child will.

I had a child a few years ago that was very gifted, but I couldn't get his mom to believe me. LOL. (that never happens) He's in school now, and the school is not equipped to handle his intelligence, so they are trying to find him a spot in the district's gifted program. (not the honors program) But, it is in a different location, so his sisters will be in their local school, but he will be in another school 11 miles away.

[Unregistered]

Hope this helps knock some sense into the parents:

you should also be able to get similar kinder readiness checklists from the local public school and the parents can see what their local school expects from the kids and what he will need to master in order to do well at kinder. all the lists I have seen include things like taking care of your belongings, pottying needs, social skills as well as academic goals.

In California (may be different in another state) it is called a DRDP: Desired Results Developmental Profile they have it from infancy all the way up to adolecence. You can use any of your observation notes to help you with the measures (there are about 43 but you don't need the ELD section if the child is a native english speaker) it measures all of the foundations and domains: Self & Social, Emotional, Mathmatical, Physical, Language, cognitive, creative, and personal health/safety. Recognizing letters are only one part of literacy development.

It seems that the problem is the parents are thinking that he is "too smart" for his age in only one area but they are not understanding that he may be average or even below-average for his developmental age (months rather than years) at that while some kids do better in some areas, that doesn't mean they do well in ALL areas- which can cause them to challenge him too much when he is not ready and actually cause him to degress with his development due to skipping some IMPORTANT developmental steps. It could also be that if they are from another culture that pressures kids to be "mini adults" rather than "growning and developing children".

Preschool ages 36 months - 60 months old (3-5 years)

http://www.wested.org/desiredresults/training/docs/Forms%20page/DRDP%20(2010)/PS_Final_8-26.pdf

It will also help you look for signs that he is mergining into the next stage of development.