Help with Letter

[Chatter Box]

So, I'm trying to decide what to do about this child. I have been having issues with him since his parents split up. They are now back together. He was great before hand and now he is pretty much been a demon child. It is possible he witnessed a physical fight between them during the breakup but I have no way of knowing or proving that.

In any case... they are supposed to abide by a schedule here however since their split I have been "working" with them. I say that loosely because apparently I'm the only one working at this relationship at this time. Before they got back together they weren't sure about the schedule because he works retail and she works for a florist and since they weren't living together anymore they had no set schedule of how things go. Now of course both of their jobs are "seasonal". Apparently she also got a promotion and she's a manager now and so changes of schedules happened for them and they are under the impression that the rules don't apply to them and I now need to be flexible with their time even though they knew my requirements before they started here if I want to keep them.

So I have been trying to work with them. They are supposed to let me know when they are dropping him off and picking him up at minimum verbally. Now they drop him off by opening the door and pushing him in and shutting the door and high tailing it to their car. I call them and they don't answer. If I catch them and ask them its a big annoying deal to them....which is AWESOME. Dealing with all of this has been even less worth dealing with their problems because this child has changed so much since his parents "issue" happened.

The most annoying part of it is before their split she made this huge deal about how she wanted me to start working on his education with him. (I opened in March and he was my first older child so I did not have a set curriculum yet.) So it was something I planned but I also had 2 infants 4 months old at the time. I told her I would work on it as I could but it would be spotty for awhile. Now I have a couple more kids closer to his age and my infants are 7 months old. I am doing better at the educational stuff and crafts but now since this split between them and their changes with jobs this child's schedule is all over the place. Sometimes he's dropped off at 7:15 sometimes its 8:30, sometimes it 9 or 9:30. Sometimes it's 10:15...and today it was almost 11. He of course comes hungry everyday no matter what time it is (or so he says)... He tells me everyday they have not fed him however lying has also become an issue with him as well as sticking his nose up at food he's asked for.

SO I have a lot I need to go over with them however I'm trying to craft a letter that basically says in a not so rude way I'm willing to deal with their BS "schedules", provided that they feed him before he gets here, (meaning they do not bring him with food for me to feed him), and that they understand I am not going to be responsible for their educational goals with him if they do not want to provide me with a schedule at least a week ahead as well as him being required to be picked up by 5:10 at the latest by one of them or a family member since they have from time to time been disrespecting my 5pm close time and coming after 5:30. She gets off at 5pm traditionally but she works literally 2 minutes from my house so I gave her a 10 minute leaway up front. From what I've observed it appears that she also has him sent here on days she has off every single week because she picks him up in her sweats and no makeup...also after 5 many days. Fine if you want to send him but PICK HIM UP BEFORE MY CLOSE!! GRR!

He's 3 years old and he still carries a blankey and it's always my fault when they forget it. I keep telling them he does fine on the days they forget to bring it so they don't need to but they continue to bring it. She got all huffy with me because they forgot it Friday. She called Friday night wanting me to drop everything I had going on Saturday morning so that she could pick it up before she went to work and said he couldn't go the whole weekend without it. Yeah... he can... YOU don't want him to.

I don't want to be rude because it's not easy to replace kids these days. I want them to understand I am willing to work with them under those conditions as well as the fact that we need to work on the behavior problems he's having. I'm sure she will be snarky no matter what but at least I'M trying...I'm fairly certain if i give her a letter at all she will leave.

They, very much... I feel ...have the impression that I should be able to squeeze it in during his time here. They forget that I do have other children I have to deal with who actually do follow routines and schedules apparently.

[Michael]

Pushing this back up. I think you could have started the thread with this:
I'm trying to craft a letter that basically says in a not so rude way I'm willing to deal with their BS "schedules".

I think you've written a lot in your OP that you could use in your letter. Maybe some ideas here: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29998

[daycare]

I would not draft a letter, I would sit down and talk with them face to face..

do you have a parent hand book and contracts???

[Chatter Box]

Yes, they've seen it all and agreed to it all. I just know that when I put it in front of them and say, "this is what you agreed to by coming here" they will say that they will need to find someone more flexible.

It's very frustrating. They agree to your terms and then try to change your terms...

[daycare]

That's why you never offer special. Once you do, it becomes expected.

At this point you have to decide if you can suffice without their income or not.

I would still be talking with them and making a new plan on how you can work things out.

You can have your cake and eat it too, but just be ready for this family to leave.

Sometime we create monsters when we try to please parents by offering special to them.

[coolconfidentme]

Simply say, "I have worked with you during your period of adjustment. I now need to return to the policies in my handbook. I'm sure you can understand."

If they complain about it, you can add, "If you are unsatisfied, you can explore options elsewhere." (Don't forget to smile.)

Sometimes LESS IS BEST!

[countrymom]

You need to tell them that you need a shedual every friday. Trust me, most retail people know 2 or more weeks inadvance their scheduals. They need to give it to you in writing, don't do it verbally.

second, hand the blanket back to mom when she is there and tell her that you can't have stuff like this because its a hazard.

I think this is where you need to put your foot down and get back on track.

[Chatter Box]

[Blackcat31]

He's 3 and they "drop him off by opening the door and pushing him in and shutting the door and high tailing it to their car. I call them and they don't answer"

Are you kidding me?!?! There is no way in "H-E- double hockey sticks" I would that to go on....Children need to be dropped off to the provider pretty much hand to hand or atleast with some eye contact made

If someone pulled that here with a 3 yr old, not only would I be calling CPS for parent stupidity but I would be terming them immediately!!

It is rude, disrespectful and down right dangerous!

[Chatter Box]

How does this sound?


November 6, 2012

Dear Family

At the end of July, (July 26th) you made a request that I work with DCB on educational materials, which would assist him with preschool for next fall. I did agree but explained at that time that I would do this as I could, and that due to the ages of the infants I had, I was having a difficult time managing a set routine and that it may be a few more months until I can get them all set better together. I have been working with DCB as I explained that I would. You mentioned that you did see improvement. I have had him doing some materials in the Preschool book you brought and I have wanted to schedule more time with him to focus more with him on it.

As the infants have gotten a little bigger, it has been easier for me over the last couple of months to get everyone on the same routines and schedules that I explained I was working towards. In this time I have also taken on another preschooler and my son is home from preschool at certain times, on certain days as well. I feel with their attendance it will be even more helpful in DCB’s learning process.

Over the last two months however it has been a much more difficult task to work through DCB’s schedule since I am often not able to determine (ahead of time) when he is arriving and departing most days. I am also working with other children whom I have to meet routines and schedules for. It makes it difficult to plan my weeks out for a curriculum because the communication for DCB’s schedule has not been consistent. I would honestly hate to be faulted for not being able to meet your expectations due to an inability to plan.

In an effort to be able to accommodate your requests to work with DCB on his preschool materials I would like to request that we gravitate back to the required written schedules being submitted (per the agreement terms) so that I am able to plan ahead my weeks for his time here. This will help me adjust meal times and activities with the other children to allow for structured learning time.

I am willing to adjust weekly or bi-weekly if that is what your needs are but these will need to be submitted at minimum, the week prior to changes if your expectation is for me to continue to help him through this process. If there are any last minute changes in arrivals or departures (as also agreed) I need to know that before they occur. Day to day and verbal schedules are unfortunately just too difficult and inconsistent to manage. I understand retail hours can fluctuate. I am doing my best at this time but it has been very difficult to meet what I am concerned might be your expectations without being able to plan my time.

Please feel free to call me and talk with me if you have any questions or concerns.