Nasty Text from Former DCM

[Angelmichelle]

We have had some serious restructuring over the past few days due to some lost families, new families (one started immediately on Friday) and staffing changes. It has been hectic and I know that we're all feeling the pressure of it all.

About a month ago we re-enrolled a part-timer who used to be full time but was accepted into a special needs preschool and needed to go full time in order for Medicaid to pay. His needs changed and he no longer qualifies for the same number of nursing hours that qualified him to attend that preschool full time. Mom re-enrolled as soon as she got the determination a few weeks ago (to save his spot) but we knew he would not be physically starting until this week.


I was cautiously optimistic because I needed the enrollment but I knew patient advocacy was appealing Medicaid's decision to try to get him more nursing, which would result in him NOT coming back. The appeal was denied.


Saturday I get an email from mom asking why I haven't returned her phone call from that morning regarding his new needs and the amount of nursing coverage provided. I email back that I do not check the business line voicemails on the weekends until about 9 PM EST Sunday night, and rest assured his nurse will be able to accompany him on the days he is here.

She writes back that when she was here last time we had a staff nurse here during the day , that's why she chose us, and if that isn't the case then he couldn't come because she needs to reserve his PDN hours for evenings and when he goes to the preschool.

I decided I wasn't going to play email-tag and I called mom, on my Saturday, to have a brief discussion regarding her, albeit understandable, concerns.
She doesn't answer! So I leave a VM explaining we have two nurses here during the week but they come for the children they are "assigned" to. We have nursing STUDENTS intern with us occasionally, such as we did the last time she was enrolled, but they are not fully licensed and their attendance can not be guaranteed. I am, however, a nurse and I am able and willing to provide any cares, medications, feeds or interventions needed as long as he didn't need a full 1-to-1 nurse at all times. She told me he didn't really need 1-to-1 nursing but the school made him have one for his tube feeding (bolus) and seizure precautions (well-controlled). We had this conversation, for goodness sake!

About 10 minutes later, as I'm driving into the movie theater with my kids to watch Wreck it Ralph, she TEXTS me (why, oh, why did I call her from my cell phone?!) "If u don't check your voicemails on the weekend, why u check ur email? Ain't they one in the same?" I was stunned at the tone, but I wrote back that the emails come to my iPhone wherein the business voicemails do not. I also told her I would love to discuss it with her this weekend before he came on Monday but I was busy at that moment and could we please talk later.

She writes back "Sure, whatever. Ur buzzzyyyy...ok. Tomorrow then." I write back I'd be happy to talk to her after church and family dinner. She doesn't respond. Sunday evening, true to my word, I called her to no avail. I sent an email letting her know I was trying to reach her and to please call me ASAP; I'd be awake until 11. I sent a text just saying, "Please call me. -AM". Nothing.

This AM I wake up to a text at 4:55 AM telling me, "Ur services is no longer needed. Ur a joke! U call urself running a special daycare and the only thing special about you is ur brain. Ur not flexible and you dishonest. Just keep the deposit, Stupid."



And I still don't know what, exactly, got her so upset?! I wanted to respond but I know any response I give will be emotionally charged and truly unprofessional. So that's my drama for the day. Hope this week improves!

[Brooksie]

Woowwwww. That threw me for a loop just reading it. I would just be glad you won't have to deal with her any more.

[MarinaVanessa]

More than likely she's going through a lot of changes too in regards to her son, his care and his aid and she's stressed out under all of the pressure. Unfortunately she thought that things would turn out one way and when they didn't you were the unfortunate target. Let her go on her way without a response (keep the texts) and just revel at the thought that she may one day need services like yours and she may one day regret the way she chose to handle the situation because now she will never be allowed back.

[sharlan]

All I can say is - WOW!

This mom definitely has some issues. She had a problem and rather than address it beforehand, wanted you to deal with it right that minute. Rather than it be her problem, she wanted it to be yours.

IMHO, you handled that right.

[cheerfuldom]

Do not call, text, email her again. Send her a professional letter briefly documenting that she has chosen to terminate care and that her son's spot will be otherwise filled and send by certified/delivery confirmation. That way you have documentation that care was terminated by HER choice and that she cannot change her mind next week. If she is owed her deposit according to your contract, send it to her. If she is not due to the way she terminated, keep it and also document that in the letter.

I would imagine that she is hugely stressed right now and considering that she is not getting her way right away, labeling that as you not being flexible. you did what you could and you didnt do anything wrong (besides possibly breaking your own rule and discussing things outside of daycare hours). if she is going to be so unstable and unapproachable, you are better off without them as clients anyway.

[Angelmichelle]

Woowwwww. That threw me for a loop just reading it. I would just be glad you won't have to deal with her any more.

I am glad but I'm so very confused by her behavior. I know that reads funny because I was typing fast trying to get it all out; but she and I discussed his needs, his shortened nursing hours, EVERYTHING over almost a month ago. She even told me about her managed care rep working on her behalf to get her additional nursing hours and respite. I would never take a child with such defined needs without knowing CLEARLY what is needed and expected of me.

She's a young mom but she was always sweet and kind the last time we had her son. He's so darling! His smile will light up the room and he's just a really cool kid to be around. He has CP. Her husband is well-off (not the father of the toddler) and she spends her days living a life of leisure. She doesn't necessarily NEED child care (or nursing either, for that matter) but her husband feels she doesn't need to be "saddled down" with a special needs kid when she's still young and vibrant. She told me this the first time she enrolled when I asked about her working hours.

I think my feelings are hurt that even with her entitlement syndrome, she still chose losing her freedom over having him come back to me... and I don't even know what I did wrong. :confused:

[sharlan]

I am glad but I'm so very confused by her behavior. I know that reads funny because I was typing fast trying to get it all out; but she and I discussed his needs, his shortened nursing hours, EVERYTHING over almost a month ago. She even told me about her managed care rep working on her behalf to get her additional nursing hours and respite. I would never take a child with such defined needs without knowing CLEARLY what is needed and expected of me.

She's a young mom but she was always sweet and kind the last time we had her son. He's so darling! His smile will light up the room and he's just a really cool kid to be around. He has CP. Her husband is well-off (not the father of the toddler) and she spends her days living a life of leisure. She doesn't necessarily NEED child care (or nursing either, for that matter) but her husband feels she doesn't need to be "saddled down" with a special needs kid when she's still young and vibrant. She told me this the first time she enrolled when I asked about her working hours.

I think my feelings are hurt that even with her entitlement syndrome, she still chose losing her freedom over having him come back to me... and I don't even know what I did wrong. :confused:

That's the problem, in a nutshell. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

[cheerfuldom]

yikes. too "young and vibrant" to be saddled with a SN child? you know I am thinking that perhaps she is just really immature and the full weight of caring for this child, arranging nurses and daycare and school is just being out the worse side of her. either way, not your fault!!

[bunnyslippers]

You didn't do anything wrong. I am a former special needs preschool teacher. Often times, the parents of the little ones have a difficult time in the early years of their lives. They are new to the system, and their expectations of what being a parent was going to be like are very different from the experience they are having. As a result, they sometimes have misdirected anger and resentment. Over time, she will grow to accept and better deal with the needs of her child; unfortunately, as an early childhood provider, you are getting her before she has fully acclimated to her needs.

That being said, she should not have spoken to you that way. Insults and name calling are never appropriate or necessary. I am sorry she spoke to you that way. even when you know you did nothing wrong, it hurts to be treated badly.

I once had a meeting with a parent of a child in my special needs class. I was pregnant at the time, and she was angry at me b/c her child wasn't progressing at the rate she had hoped he would. She said to me, "You know, almost every special needs teacher I know has had a child with special needs. I hope you never have to feel as disappointed as I do right now...but, chances are, you will." Basically, she was telling me my unborn child would have special needs. Not a particularly nice thing to say to a pregnant woman! She was angry and bitter, and wanted me to feel as hurt as she did.

You handled it perfectly. I would definitely write her an official letter, and return her deposit (unless it is a non-refundable deposit policy). It probably would be a good idea to contact licensing as well. She could file a complaint to get even, and it is always a food idea to cover all the bases.

Hope your day gets better!!!!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I was a home health care attendant for awhile and the nurses informed me AND I LEARNED that special needs moms are a 50/50 split. 50% of them are wonderful, caring, down to earth individuals. The other 50% are unstable, manipulative, ENTITLED people. I last worked for one who was in the unstable side and boy, the way they can make the words that appear crazy to the general public sound LOGICAL is amazing.

Let the crazy roll off like water on a duck's back. Input her name in your cell phone as "Cray Cray" in the event that she calls/texts once more (highly likely). Then, at the very least, you will chuckle.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I am glad but I'm so very confused by her behavior. I know that reads funny because I was typing fast trying to get it all out; but she and I discussed his needs, his shortened nursing hours, EVERYTHING over almost a month ago. She even told me about her managed care rep working on her behalf to get her additional nursing hours and respite. I would never take a child with such defined needs without knowing CLEARLY what is needed and expected of me.

She's a young mom but she was always sweet and kind the last time we had her son. He's so darling! His smile will light up the room and he's just a really cool kid to be around. He has CP. Her husband is well-off (not the father of the toddler) and she spends her days living a life of leisure. She doesn't necessarily NEED child care (or nursing either, for that matter) but her husband feels she doesn't need to be "saddled down" with a special needs kid when she's still young and vibrant. She told me this the first time she enrolled when I asked about her working hours.

I think my feelings are hurt that even with her entitlement syndrome, she still chose losing her freedom over having him come back to me... and I don't even know what I did wrong. :confused:

:: Ah yes, she is very clearly on the crazy side. You dodged a bullet. Just think, if nursing was late one day/called in sick then that child likely would have been in your daycare for however long it took to get a new nurse to come in. Heaven forbid Mom take care of her own child for a few hours.

[Angelmichelle]

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. She is crazy, and I am totally renaming her contact to "Cray Cray". I have saved all the communications and I intend to call licensing and the CCR to report the situation and see if I have any recourse. I don't think she'd retaliate or cause undo problems, but who knows? I am still just so shocked at the turnaround. I mean, she really used to be a sweetheart. Maybe she is just stressed... :/

As for the PM I received (should anyone else be thinking along the same lines), no-- I did NOT make her promises I could not keep. In fact, I feel as though I greatly under-promised what she could expect from our child care. Right now the area PN schools are just starting clinicals. We have a LIST of students who want to work with us to get their volunteer hours. The "big teaching hospital" has an accelerated BSN program and we are working with the director there to see if any of those student would be interested in helping out so that we can get a modified license to take higher level children (even just for respite); and finally, in addition to my paid assistant we also have 3 early childhood ed students that have been volunteering on a rotating basis the past couple of weeks. Our ratio is 2:1 or less right now. I just can't GUARANTEE it will always be like that, honestly. It wouldn't be fair of me to do so, just to appease one parent, either.

[Willow]

It sounds as if you are searching for a sliver of something that'll help this make sense to you. As if maybe you DID do something wrong and somehow deserved what she said?

No way.

Even if you did no logical, right minded person speaks to another human being that way. EVEN IF you biffed somewhere along the line and there was a legitimate concern the way she handled it was disgustingly inappropriate.

I too would do as cheerful suggested and be proactive about sending a certified letter to make sure you cover your butt. With someone acting like that I'd want to be sure everything was clear and all loose ends tied up - TIGHT.

[crazydaycarelady]

I agree with sharlan that her entitlement syndrome is the problem. She wanted to talk to you on the weekend and you, god forbid, we're trying to spend time with your family.