Feeling Upset, DH Is A Jerk~! LONG VENT!

[littlemissmuffet]

I really have no advice, but I wanted to offer some *hugs* and let you know that the women here care and will listen. Being in financial distress can cause all kinds of issues, including marital... but you need to remind your husband that you need support right now, not to be crapped on. You need to be a team to get through this... and him beating up your career and being rude isn't helping matters AT ALL. Tell him he hurt you. Wishing you all the luck in the world! lovethis

[brookeroo]

I swear so many similarities I cannot believe it. I am also down spots in my dc and he feels EXACTLY the same about me with it. We have had very similar conversations in the past although none recently. I almost thought I wrote it other than we just turned our rental and scored a tenant. Every time we have to do it though our marriage suffers. I HATE having it hanging over hour heads because he can be a complete and total scrooge about money anyway. You are lucky you are at least on the mortgage! I wish I was.

No words of wisdom... I can just relate. I had to improvise with him when it comes to the rental. He knows we have to deal with it and he doesn't want to.

He wants to slap a bandaid on all the problems and call it a day instead of fixing things the right way. He also doesn't want to run over there to show it every night but he wants people in it NOW. If I don't schedule them I'm not trying hard enough to get it turned and if I do then I'm putting him out of all his personal time booking up all his days. He has decided that he's only going there one day a week to show for two hours or at most a whole afternoon and I'm just supposed to tell everyone to come during that time. He wants to let people in that just see us there and drive by off the street.

I hate doing it that way because honestly its an insurance lability to just let everyone walk through it and see a vacant house with appliances sitting empty in it since it wouldnt be covered if someone stole them or stripped the house but he is irrational about being flexible.

I know if my vacant house got broken into he would also blame me because ultimately its my house and I'm the one who is responsible for making the decisions no matter how much of a pita he is about it. But do I want to meet some stranger in a vacant house alone? Or do I want to live with him being a burr up everyone's rear because he wants to pout about having to do adult things? Not so much...always a no win situation but I did get it turned in less than 30 days with a qualified person. I at least research my applicants well and do credit and background along with a lot of other things.

I only wish getting daycare families were that easy...

[Unregistered]

Thank you all so much! It has been a crazy day (Harvest Fest activities at the daycare this afternoon) so I am just getting back.

My husband works in healthcare IT infrastructure management from home. He makes excellent money but the flip side of that is, he gets EVEN MORE frustrated when he sees it all going away because he feels like with our joint income we should have more "play" money. He fails to realize we are living AT our means (actually above now) when we used to live below our means and had the ability to splurge, save, and invest. Not a whole lot, but the breathing room was nice. Oh, and he pays child support and alimony to his ex-wife.

There is an uneven flow of responsibility here, I will openly admit that; but I think he was ruined by his mother (RIP) and his ex-. He's so used to being molly-coddled, and normally I'm more than willing to oblige; but today, today I need him to put on his big boy undies and help me make important decisions for the welfare of our family.

I lost one family (3 kiddos) but I still have 16 (if I include the part timers), so I have to have an assistant. On the flip side of that is, half of those families were with me from the beginning and pay me a lot less than the newer families that came in after my newer tuition raises (does that make sense?). Yes, I could dump them all and get higher clients, but I think we all know how easy it sounds in theory, as opposed to how difficult it is in reality. Heck, I can't fill the 3 spots I have! LOL!

DH is a good guy but his way of handling stress is so over-the-top, and you'd think after 15 years together, I'd have a thicker skin. I don't. I still tend be surprised when he acts out of character. It happens so infrequently, but when he goes, it's like a fire hose... and I am always SO EMOTIONALLY UNPREPARED.

We have to occupy the house we're doing daycare out of, so I can't use the other house as a center (although that's a ROCKING idea!!!!) and we would still fall short financially, I think. I didn't run the numbers trying that scenario, but I will to be thorough.

We need counseling, for sure. He needs to learn how to channel his emotions, and I need to learn how to communicate with him more effectively. There are no heroes in this story.

As for depression: Yes, he absolutely has a diagnosis a depression, and for a time we were working on getting that perfect combination of medications for him but unfortunately had to taper when his work insurance policy changed. Antidepressants can't be stopped immediately so we had to do the taper while we still had adequate coverage, because we knew after the switch all we could really have covered are our daughter's medications and therapies. We are now paying a way higher premium to cover us all and we're not getting even half of the coverage we had before. We have a $7500 deductible! I am, however, telling him that we need to bite the bullet and just pay for the meds out of pocket. He needs them!

It's just SO MUCH and it's SO FRUSTRATING! My mortgage with PMI is twice that of the smaller place. I know I don't want to disrupt my daycare children (and bios, for that matter) but I just fear if we keep careening like this, we'll end up in a ditch we won't be able to dig ourselves out of. Sigh. I am so sad today.

[daycare]

bug hugs to you.... I bet this must be very hard for you to deal with.

I hope that things turn around for you very soon.

One thing that I would like to add and I don't mean this to sound rude, but in the future, try not to take families with that many kids. The reason is that when they leave, it's a huge impact on your monthly income. I will not take more than two kids from the same family and NO discount. Two spots are harder to fill than one.

[countrymom]

don't worry, yesterday I told dh to put his big boy pants on and pay a bill and that he can acually do it without me watching him. I bet you all his co workers liked that comment.

[Unregistered]

OP here.

I think we are going to do a restructuring after the 1st of the year and let some of our kids go so I can get under 6. Then I won't need an assistant. If I keep the 4 higher paying families then I'll still make less than I did with everyone plus the assistant, but I won't have to pay workers comp and unemployment, etc. Maybe then I'll have enough energy at the end of the day to work a part time job in the evenings a couple of days per week? Still working it out but I have a renewed resolve. November through mid-December will be tight but I am determined to get us out of this situation and back on to greener pastures.