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We lost a daycare family a few weeks ago due to an incident that occurred during daycare hours (no one was injured or anything like that, but parents had legitimate concerns about another child in care and even when I addressed the situation they still decided to withdraw). They were a longtime family that paid monthly when DCD got paid, so when they withdrew I actually owed them back 8 days of pay, minus my two week fee. This hurt financially because I lost 3 kids (2 full-time and one Before/After school that I had since he was in pre-k).
So, fast forward to last week and I'm doing our November budget and I realize we are going to be extremely tight with the main bills, and actually short when we add in groceries/gas/toiletries, etc. I tell DH and he has been in a crappy mood since then- telling me the daycare isn't profitable enough, I need to "ditch [my] assistant", I need to "find a real job back in nursing"... just things to really hurt me, rather than looking at the situation and offering real suggestions.
We recently moved (last April) from our small house to a larger one and we rent out our first house. Now he's saying it was MY idea to move and take on more expense when it WASN'T. The utilities and everything are more in this county (exorbitantly so!) and this house has really has been a money pit. However, neither of us knew the area very well; we just saw a great house at a wonderful price and the area had rave reviews from my sister-in-law who lives around the corner. NEVER did she mention the marked increase in monthly expenditures.
Another reason we loved this this place also because he "had to have [his] own office away from the kids" and all the other bells and whistles this place has. Yet, he keeps saying this move was all my idea. How do you force a 48 year old man to move??! Heck, his name is the primary on the deed AND he's the one that booked the movers. But, I digress...
This month our tenants move out and I suggested we move back to the old place to downsize until we fill the spots and/or build back up our savings, and rent out this place. We are more likely to get a tenant in here because it is an upcoming area and doesn't require as many repairs as the older place. If we don't move back, we'll have to shoulder two mortgages until we get another renter. Honestly, it will burn either way if we don't get a renter, but this place is just more likely to garner interest. Coupled with the lower utilities and mortgage at the old place, it just seems to be the logical move.
He says he's on board, concurs it's a great idea and we need to do it, but when I asked him about it in regards to getting a moving company/etc before Christmas he was very dismissive and said, "well see how it goes, I don't really want to move before the holidays." Well, I went ahead and told the realtor to list this place as a rental because it's just what we have to do. We don't have to go through with a rental until a lease is signed but I had to be proactive, ya know? No, the old place isn't as "fancy" or large as this new home. Our new home is a new build 2600 sq house with 5 bedrooms; gorgeous, well outfitted bathrooms and magnificent finished basement with theater room (where we do daycare). The old place is a 1700 sq foot 1970's raised ranch with open floor plan but only 3 small bedrooms and just two small bathrooms. The basement is finished but it's only one room, and while it's suitable for his office, it is drafty down there. I know it's hard to go back and it feels like you're moving in reverse, but sometimes it's just what you have to do.
Today, I was talking to my mother regarding the financial concerns and she paid our electric bill on her credit card that's due on the 5th ($492!!!!). I told DH about her kind gesture and he got UP IN ARMS about it! He is sooo upset that she helped us out, but I didn't ask; she offered and then wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He decided to berate me from one side to the other about "always looking for a handout" (NEVER), and not keeping a "real job" more than a year at a time (also not true, but he is on track that I do leave jobs due to injury, pregnancy, my child with special needs, and the last one...why? Oh, yes, because he almost died and when my FMLA ran out yet he was still very sick and needed around the clock care...) And only choosing to do daycare because I'm lazy and I should've anticipated families leaving and started advertising instead of waiting until the last minute.
He's making it all my fault and I am in ruins over here. I know he's frustrated. I know he feels embarrassed and helpless. But you know what? So do I!!! Can't we be on the same team and deal with this crisis together??? Normally, he's very respectful and in favor of my homeschooling and daycare but when finances get wonky, boy does he get ugly!
Right now I am in the office doing CACFP paperwork while my assistant (and early childhood education student volunteer) do circle time and I am taking way more time than I need to. I am thankful we had our "discussion" off grounds so no one heard but now I fear if I go upstairs with the red, swollen eyes and sullen attitude my employee and volunteer will know something is wrong. So, I'm off-loading here and then I'm moving on with my day.
Thank you for listening.
We lost a daycare family a few weeks ago due to an incident that occurred during daycare hours (no one was injured or anything like that, but parents had legitimate concerns about another child in care and even when I addressed the situation they still decided to withdraw). They were a longtime family that paid monthly when DCD got paid, so when they withdrew I actually owed them back 8 days of pay, minus my two week fee. This hurt financially because I lost 3 kids (2 full-time and one Before/After school that I had since he was in pre-k).
So, fast forward to last week and I'm doing our November budget and I realize we are going to be extremely tight with the main bills, and actually short when we add in groceries/gas/toiletries, etc. I tell DH and he has been in a crappy mood since then- telling me the daycare isn't profitable enough, I need to "ditch [my] assistant", I need to "find a real job back in nursing"... just things to really hurt me, rather than looking at the situation and offering real suggestions.
We recently moved (last April) from our small house to a larger one and we rent out our first house. Now he's saying it was MY idea to move and take on more expense when it WASN'T. The utilities and everything are more in this county (exorbitantly so!) and this house has really has been a money pit. However, neither of us knew the area very well; we just saw a great house at a wonderful price and the area had rave reviews from my sister-in-law who lives around the corner. NEVER did she mention the marked increase in monthly expenditures.
Another reason we loved this this place also because he "had to have [his] own office away from the kids" and all the other bells and whistles this place has. Yet, he keeps saying this move was all my idea. How do you force a 48 year old man to move??! Heck, his name is the primary on the deed AND he's the one that booked the movers. But, I digress...
This month our tenants move out and I suggested we move back to the old place to downsize until we fill the spots and/or build back up our savings, and rent out this place. We are more likely to get a tenant in here because it is an upcoming area and doesn't require as many repairs as the older place. If we don't move back, we'll have to shoulder two mortgages until we get another renter. Honestly, it will burn either way if we don't get a renter, but this place is just more likely to garner interest. Coupled with the lower utilities and mortgage at the old place, it just seems to be the logical move.
He says he's on board, concurs it's a great idea and we need to do it, but when I asked him about it in regards to getting a moving company/etc before Christmas he was very dismissive and said, "well see how it goes, I don't really want to move before the holidays." Well, I went ahead and told the realtor to list this place as a rental because it's just what we have to do. We don't have to go through with a rental until a lease is signed but I had to be proactive, ya know? No, the old place isn't as "fancy" or large as this new home. Our new home is a new build 2600 sq house with 5 bedrooms; gorgeous, well outfitted bathrooms and magnificent finished basement with theater room (where we do daycare). The old place is a 1700 sq foot 1970's raised ranch with open floor plan but only 3 small bedrooms and just two small bathrooms. The basement is finished but it's only one room, and while it's suitable for his office, it is drafty down there. I know it's hard to go back and it feels like you're moving in reverse, but sometimes it's just what you have to do.
Today, I was talking to my mother regarding the financial concerns and she paid our electric bill on her credit card that's due on the 5th ($492!!!!). I told DH about her kind gesture and he got UP IN ARMS about it! He is sooo upset that she helped us out, but I didn't ask; she offered and then wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He decided to berate me from one side to the other about "always looking for a handout" (NEVER), and not keeping a "real job" more than a year at a time (also not true, but he is on track that I do leave jobs due to injury, pregnancy, my child with special needs, and the last one...why? Oh, yes, because he almost died and when my FMLA ran out yet he was still very sick and needed around the clock care...) And only choosing to do daycare because I'm lazy and I should've anticipated families leaving and started advertising instead of waiting until the last minute.
He's making it all my fault and I am in ruins over here. I know he's frustrated. I know he feels embarrassed and helpless. But you know what? So do I!!! Can't we be on the same team and deal with this crisis together??? Normally, he's very respectful and in favor of my homeschooling and daycare but when finances get wonky, boy does he get ugly!
Right now I am in the office doing CACFP paperwork while my assistant (and early childhood education student volunteer) do circle time and I am taking way more time than I need to. I am thankful we had our "discussion" off grounds so no one heard but now I fear if I go upstairs with the red, swollen eyes and sullen attitude my employee and volunteer will know something is wrong. So, I'm off-loading here and then I'm moving on with my day.
Thank you for listening.
lovethislovethis Hugs
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