Guilt Trippers

[Frustrated]

My partner and I have been a licensed group daycare home in Michigan for 13 years. Our tuition is based always on a 4 week month. (45 day*5 days * 4 weeks = 900.00 month) This means that there are 4 weeks out of the year that parents are not paying for care.

We do not however deduct for the following Holidays –New Year’s eve/day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and the day after, Christmas eve/day. We use the extra monthly unpaid days to schedule our time off, (i.e. unpaid vacation days/sick days).

We release a calendar in November for January-December of the following year with our determined vacations and allow 30 days’ notice for any changes. We leave a few of those days open for emergencies or sick days. Our vacation days are usually the occasional Friday and/or Monday of a Holiday weekend, one week in the summer and the 2 weeks over Christmas break that public schools are closed.

Our daycare families usually take these days as their vacation or get grandparents, friends, babysitters etc. or they are teachers other so they have the holidays and school breaks off. We usually offered care at our daily rate for the non - holiday dates (during winter break) and have not had any problems with those that needed it. If I cannot help out a family in need then we recommend a teenager that we have had volunteer or assist in the past or an adult assistant to babysit.

We have a family with 3 kids - (they are receiving a VERY generous multiples discount). Last year they talked about quitting jobs, getting a nanny, or going to a center (so they wouldn’t have to take vacation time outside of Holidays) if we could not provide them coverage for the days that they couldn’t take time off. We offered to watch their children during select days of our vacation that we did not have plans. When they did not pay us for the first day they had requested and I billed them they bulked at having to pay me for that day!!! We reminded them that our days off were unpaid so if they wanted us to provide care they would have to pay for it. We have also offered them advice for finding a back-up and suggested alternate caregivers that we trust numerous times and they still complain to us.
I do not want to judge, I do not want to judge, I do not want to judge ….

All while complaining that they cannot afford to pay extra or to take time off of work for our vacation/sick days or when their children are sick…they have both taken numerous amounts of time off of work over the past 3 years to go out of town/state and country (WITHOUT THEIR CHILDREN) for concerts, girls weeks, guys weeks etc…
I know this was a very long explanation so I apologize but this family has been with us for 3 years and we are very attached to their children, as they are too us. I do not just want to say well if you don’t like it just leave, but I don’t know how to get them to see the light.

Any suggestions?

[Blackcat31]

I really hate to say this but you already know the answer.

You may be attatched to this family's children but if you aren't willing to risk losing them then you aren't ever going to be able to get this family to "see the light".

From this family's perspective you have already conceded to giving them special services so why shouldn't that continue?

I know you don't want to risk losing them, but if you allow that to be a factor in what you will or won't do for this family then you are always going to be giving in.

Plus, what this family does with their vacations (without kids) is their perogative and we can't tell them not to do those things. You agreed to provide services to this family and that is all they see or understand.

If you don't like the situation, then you need to say "no". If you aren't able to do that for fear of them leaving, then I don't have an answer for you.

I am sorry if that sounds harsh but there is no logical, reasonable solution this situation other than to simply say no to them when they ask for more than you or your staff are willing to provide or for services outside of your contract with them.

I know you feel they aren't spending their vacation times in the manner that you would (with kids etc) but that isnt your right to dictate. You can choose to say no to watching the kids when they do these things but that is the extent of what our rights as child care providers are.

We can't tell parents to spend more time with their kids or to parent in a certain manner.

This family isn't going to see the light because they have their own beliefs and style for parenting and they are simply doing what works for them.

Sadly, you are either going to have to continue doing what you do or give them boundaries in regards to what you and your staff will and won't do. That requires being willing to lose them as a family but there really is no other way.

When you give a family "special" (make exceptions to rules or go above and beyond normal services) they don't see it as an exception. They will always see it as normal services and what type of service they should always get.

Sorry I didn't have a solution for you but I have been in your postition enough times to know that you aren't going to convince a family to see things from your perspective. You are only going to be able to say yes or no to what they ask for and that means they might leave if you say no.

[LK5kids]

We can't be "Everything" to everybody and this family just has different needs. You have a accommodated them and it's still not enough. The more you do for them the more they will want. They've stayed with you because obviously they are happy with your center.

Also, they have their priorities for their own time off and money going for those vacations and fun weekends. They have chosen those days away over your center policies and will never see that they are choosing those days away over working with you and what you require to be enrolled there. They want it all.

You probably have a family or two that it is even harder for but they make it work for them because it's high on their list of priorities.

They continue to stay with you and whine for some reason. If it's such a huge burden why don't they do one of the things they threaten? You have set your policies for good reason and other families make it work if they want to bring their children to you. This family just has to decide and get on with it! It's passive aggressive and manipulative.

Or like BlackCat stated you have to decide for them.